wats the best joke u know?

Answer 1

There's this guy in a bar who is just sitting there just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then, this bully steps up to him, takes his drink and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The bully says: "Oh, come on man! I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I can't stand to see a man crying."

The troubled fellow replies: "This day is the worst of my life. First, I get fired for oversleeping and getting to work late. Then, I'm leaving the building and find out my car was stolen. I get a cab to return home, and forget my wallet and credit cards in the cab. Then, I find my wife in bed with the gardener.

So I end up at this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

Answer 2

What about the one where a man goes into a bar for a beer and the barman asks him if he wants to see something amazing. The guy says sure so the barman reaches under the bar and produces a tiny baby grand and a foot tall man who starts twinkling the ivories.
So he asks the barman where he got it and the barman brings out a lamp and said from the genie.
"You've got a ******* genie as well!! Can I have a go?"
Help yourself says the barman.
So the man rubs it and out pops the genie and grants him a wish.
The man asks for a million bucks and suddenly the bar is full of ducks.
"What the hell is this, is he ******* deaf?"
To which the barman replies.......
"Well you don't think I asked for a twelve inch pianist do you"

Answer 3

The one where the woman was getting home at 3 oclock in the morning, Hubby was in bed and just as she was tip toeing upstairs the cuckoo clock cuckoo'd 3 times, Being a brainy woman she decided to cuckoo 9 more times so hubby would think it was only 12 o clock.smiling to herself as she had got away with it she went to bed.
The next morning at brekky hubby said " we need a new clock" Why's that she said " well last night that one cuckoo'd 3 times and then burped, cuckoo'd twice more then cleared it' s throat, cuckoo'd four more times and said ****, then three more times and coughed and then it tripped over the carpet and hit the coffee table, then farted.....

Answer 4

Lady goes to visit her sister in the States and makes friends with a baby skunk. At the end of her holiday she cannt bear to be parted from her new pet and decides to smuggle him back to England. Back safely in England with the little fellow she is telling her friend about it and described how she smuggled him through in her knickers. Her friend is aghast "OMG she says what about the smell?" to which she replied "Well, he didn't seem to mind too much !!"

Answer 5

theres a captain and a parrot who live on a boat and every night a magician would perform a show for the captain but every time the magician did a trick the parrot would say up his sleeve in his shoe pocket in his coat and one day the magician got fed up with it and tried to shoot it but the bird ducked and the bullet hit barrels of gunpowder blowing the ship to bits and only 2 survived the bird and the magician after awhile the bird finally says ok i giveup wheredya put the boat

Answer 6

ok theres this one where a mum asks his son how his first day at school goes. theres 2 versions. the first version is where the son goes "FIRST!? you mean i have to go back again?" and the second version is where the son goes " ok except there was this man called the teacher who keeps on telling us what to do"

Answer 7

a very fat man was riding an elephant.a boy laughed at him the fat man asked why are u laughing u have not seen elephant b4.the bot replyed i saw but never saw an elephant riding on an other elephent

Answer 8

Why are cowboy hats turned up at the sides?
So three can fit in the truck.

Answer 9

A boy told his teacher he'd seen a dead cat on the way to school. "that's awwful" said the teacher "how did you know is was dead?"
"I pissed in it's ear" replied the boy
"What?" asked the teacher
"You know" replied the boy, "I went 'PSST' in it's ear"

Answer 10

paddy is on a building site working when his friend walks over with a thermal flask.paddy asks ''whats that u got there john''john replies ''a thermal flask it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold''paddy says ''im gonna get one of them tonite''he goes to work in the mornin and john says ''did u get a flask paddy?''paddy replies ''yes i did john''john says ''what u got in it?'' paddy says ''a cup of tea and an ice lolly'' hahaha