My grandson was not raised property and he's very disrespectful to me. I'm the only one who helps him in his need. No mother, father, uncle, other grandparent, friends or anyone does as much for him as I do. I'm beginning to hate him. What should I do?
2006-09-23 08:56:30 · 17 answers · asked by Hilpar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
He's now 18, just graduated, not working, lived with us a short while when his mom didn't want him, he curses, lies, fights girlfriend, and takes without asking (steals).
2006-09-24 08:39:54 · update #1
I wish there was an easy answer. But not knowing the specifics of his situation, I would say "tough love". Todays society has left many of the youth today wanting (and many times getting what they want)...they think that they want material items, but really need an adult relationship (someone to show them how a mature person acts and reasons). And in an adult relationship, treat them like an adult (if that's what they want). Any adult in the "real world" who acts out wrongly or is disrespectful would be (or should be) brought to a quick reality check of how this world really works. IF YOU ACT OUT, you lose your job, your possessions, and even sometimes your liberties.
2006-09-23 09:05:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not hate..anyone...hate is always wrong. You should love your grandson, even though he has shown disrespect toward you and is unremorseful. If you don't love him, who will? If you haven't already, you need to talk to him about how his behaviour is offensive and threatens to undermine his relationship with you. There is no point in lecturing him. You have to try to convince him (through a rational discussion) to see the errors in his ways. If you are too forceful in making your point, he will react defensively and it will be counterproductive. Try to choose a time when there are no distractions, when there is no one else around, and when neither you nor him are angry over some recent incident. Remember: ultimately, you may be all that is standing between your grandson and the jailhouse door. It is your responsibility to try all you can to help him turn his life around and find the right path. It sounds as if you still care very much about what happens to him - he may not know that, so you have to tell him. Even if you two can't agree on many things, if you love each other and he respects you and your point of view, it's a good start. I wish you the best of luck with that.
2006-09-23 16:06:14 · answer #2 · answered by Perplexed Music Lover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're always going to love your grandnson, but perhaps the question should be should you keep enabling his disrespectfulness towards you. My answer to this one would be, of course you shouldn't.
If your grandson doesn't appreciate what you're doing for him(and I imagine this includes giving him money when he's in a crunch) then you're going to have to face up to this and distance yourself from him. But you may find this difficult because he's probably filling some sort of void or emptiness in your own personal life.
Look into a twelve-step program dealing with codependency or get connected to other women in your church, if this is an option. I know this must be really difficult and painful if you've raised this young man and he's all you've got.
2006-09-23 16:13:11 · answer #3 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All the more reason why you need 2 love him and guide him 2 b the man he needs 2 grow up 2 b. if u give up on him and stop lovin him than who will he have? Where will he go? Maybe u can look into a mentoring program for him, big brothers or something. Go 2 the police station ask them 4 guidance. Good luck and God Bless!
2006-09-23 16:06:50 · answer #4 · answered by finstre337 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try talking to him first then taking away things he loves and try tough love such as grounding or spanking as a last resort depending on his age. in a loving manner or courses no bruises and confort him afterwards. But make sure you tell him what he did wrong first then spank and tell that you love and care about him. It should work. He think twice b/f acting up again. If this doesent work then seek professional help Good luck
2006-09-24 03:23:06 · answer #5 · answered by van1890gogh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG that is so sad. You should put your foot down and tell him if he insist on being disrespectful to you then you will not help him and he can no longer come around. Ask him to please talk to you without anger. If that cannot be done tell him you must cut ties with him for a while until he decides he can act right.
And please, teach him to help himself. What will he do once your not there? But, tell him you still love him but its best done for your own sanity and his own good. Never, ever stop loving him...become angry...yes...but don't hate him. Fix this before its too late.
2006-09-23 16:53:54 · answer #6 · answered by Bethie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never stop loving him. Do stop giving to him. Talk to him and let him know how much you love him but let him know that things are going to change, unless he starts acting better towards you then all the help should stop. He will come to his senses. Most of all just love him and pray for him. Material things is not a sign of love, so how much you give him doesn't matter. The help really should stop unless he starts treating you better. Good Luck & God Bless. I will pray for you.
2006-09-23 20:05:01 · answer #7 · answered by Blessed 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should'nt hate him...you your self admits he wasent brought up properly, so you have to be the one to set boundaries, rules, and stick to them, let him know you will not stand for his rebellious ways, because you are the only one who cares about him, remember he dosent know any different, but now is the time for you to change him, with the help of an outsider if possible, someone who can talk to him. Good Luck.
2006-09-23 16:04:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on his age, if he is under 12 you should to give him more chances to appriciate you , if he is above 12 then yu have to discuss this matter directly with him.
you are hero and you deserve all the respect for your work.
2006-09-23 16:00:51 · answer #9 · answered by dr_rabiefahoom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him directly that if he remains disrespectful and continues to misbehave, you will stop supporting him; if he ever mistreats you or anyone else, stop and don't give in.
Reward responsible behavior only.
2006-09-23 16:05:47 · answer #10 · answered by drumrb0y 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋