We had to write this poem for english and i need some opinions like what would you change please help. Its called anymore lies is enough.
Enough,
I've had it,
I'm sick of all the lies,
We cant play these games anymore,
I won't do this,
I can't take this,
I won't lead this bitter lie,
I can't fool myself anymore,
Its all a lie,
This must end,
Over now,
I'm no good to you anymore,
How could you not know?,
How this was going to be,
Are you so blind you couldn't see?,
I don't need you anymore!
Please be serious I need your advice
2006-09-23 08:09:08 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Performing Arts
I like it up to the last paragraph, maybe change the second line of the last paragraph to something like "This is how it must be". If not, than drop the question mark on the first sentence of the last paragraph and place it after the second paragraph, as, the way it is stated currently, the first and second lines form one question. If you decide to make a change so the second line is not a continuation of the question "How could you not know" then you can leave the question mark where it is. Hope that helps.
2006-09-23 08:19:06 · answer #1 · answered by Vegetaf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm.... there's some good stuff in there. From my perspective, though, I don't like the contrast between the intention reflected at the beginning (the suggestion that both of you are lying), and the accusation of blindness at the end.
They don't seem to go together.
The reference to needing her at the end also seems a bit out of place. Nothing prepares us for it so it seems a bit out of the blue.
2006-09-23 08:19:53 · answer #2 · answered by Thomas C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it and it's a good meaning but maybe you could add a stanza about what some of the lies were and/or how this must end.
2006-09-23 08:17:21 · answer #3 · answered by Emo Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i love it, it's great, in fact i'm trying to break up with my fella can i borrow that to send to him it is perfect!! ( by the way it has been him with all the lies not me!)
2006-09-23 09:08:31 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it ... perhaps add what the lies were ?
2006-09-23 09:34:01 · answer #5 · answered by Charlie V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's too ...erm.. childish .. too short sentences too ghetto... too into some cheap lyrics.
is this like a bigger Haiku ? ( you know .. the short little poems.. ? )
2006-09-23 08:17:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it good job
2006-09-23 08:13:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good well done
2006-09-23 08:19:10 · answer #8 · answered by thecat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats really good!!!!
2006-09-23 08:56:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋