When your spouse dies ?

Question

How do you deal with it ?

Answer 1

Grief is a normal response to the death of someone close. It is usually felt as a yearning for the other person. At times the yearning can be so strong that it feels like very real, physical pain.

Everyone experiences grief in a different way, but most people move through some or all of the stages listed below, often moving backwards and forwards between these stages:

numbness
denial
anger and guilt
pining or yearning
depression
gradual recovery and acceptance

Immediately after the death and for some time afterwards, you may feel numb. You may find it hard to believe that the person is dead. It is common to feel anger that the person has died. The anger may be directed at the person themselves, for leaving you, or at other people (family members or health professionals) for not being able to stop them from dying.

Physical effects
Some people feel generally physically ill. Different effects can occur, such as:

headaches
dizziness
a dry mouth
weakness
breathlessness
a feeling of tightness in the chest and throat
feeling sick

Emotional effects
You may have times of severe anxiety and distress, where you strongly miss the dead person and sob or cry aloud for them. Although this tends to happen less often after the first couple of weeks, finding a photograph of them or visiting a place which holds strong memories can trigger the distress even months or years afterwards.

Practical help
On the first day or so after the death, while you are feeling numb, you will need plenty of practical help to do all the important tasks such as registering the death, arranging the funeral and coping with visitors.

You may also need to spend some time on your own, coming to terms with what has happened. Don't be afraid to show your emotions during the grieving process - it is perfectly natural to cry when you are thinking and talking about your loved one, and tears can help you to feel better, although long periods of crying may make you feel exhausted.

After the funeral
After the funeral, when everyone has gone home, and you are expected to pick up the threads of your own life, can be the hardest time. It is probably a good idea not to try to do too much too soon. You may need time to get used to your loss and the changes that the death of the person you cared for has brought. If you make decisions in a hurry, you may find later that you regret not waiting for your grief to lessen. It is important to take time to look after yourself at this time. Some cultures have specific practices to follow, which can help to mark each phase after a person's death.

The person's presence
Many people continue to 'see' or 'hear' the person who has died or have a strong sense of their presence. For example, some people walk into a room and have an experience of 'seeing' the person sitting in their favourite armchair. Other people have vivid dreams in which they see the dead person as fit and well. These are perfectly normal experiences and should not frighten or upset you.

Support
Talking through your feelings at this time may be helpful. There are many organisations, such as CRUSE, which run groups for people who are grieving. Your GP or the National Association of Bereavement Services can put you in touch with a local bereavement counsellor if you would like more formal one-to-one counselling. The Cancer Counselling Trust also provide counselling for people who are affected in any way by cancer.

Delayed grief
The grieving process is variable and very personal. It can be hard to tell if what you are experiencing is normal. You may find that you get stuck at one stage of the grieving process, for example feeling very angry. If this happens you may want to talk to your GP who may recommend counselling.

Soon after a person's death you may feel that you will never be able to live your life normally again, however these feelings usually resolve very gradually, although this can take a year or more. You will never forget the person and will always have memories of them, but it is usual to be able to get on with life again after a while and to be able to enjoy activities and make plans for the future.

You can ask for help and advice from your GP if you feel that you cannot get on with your life after more than a year, as you may need support to help you through the grieving process.

A very small number of people develop suicidal thoughts as part of the grieving process, either because they feel unable to face life without the person, or because they feel that their own death might bring them closer again. If you have suicidal thoughts don't be afraid to discuss them with your GP or a trusted friend or relative. You may need expert counselling and possibly medicines to help you feel better.

Celebrating the life of your loved one
It is common for feelings of grief to be brought up again at particular times. This may happen on the anniversary of the person's death or on other birthdays or anniversaries. At these times you may feel many conflicting emotions and may like to do something to remember the person, such as go to the place where they are buried, or to a café that you used to sit in together. You may want to hold a gathering of close friends or relatives to share memories of the person and celebrate their life. You will know the best way to remember them and pay your respects.

Answer 2

If you have lost your spouse please accept sincere condolences.

Time is a great healer and it will gradually get easier.

To start off with you will be in shock, numb and in no man's world, with the support of family and friends and others you will gradually get yourself sorted and up and running again.

Console yourself with the fact that your other half has now moved on to a far better place where he will enjoy eternal life, free from pain and suffering and will be reunited with loved ones who have gone before. They will also want you to get on with you life enjoying yourself and doing the best that you can as they want you to be happy and will be proud of you and all that you accomplish.

Remember one day you too will be reunited with him.

Take good care and God Bless and hope this will be of help.

Answer 3

When anyone you love dies how do you deal with it?? Watchin my mom after losing my dad, her husband for over 40 years, struggle makes me wonder how on earth she does do it....it is the most saddest thing to see but that is just what you have to do DEAL with it, sad part of life is , it has to go on right?

Answer 4

Death is a hard one to deal with, especially with someone close. There is no hard and fast rule, it all depends on the individual left behind. Basically the best thing is not to isolate yourself, unless you are a very strong minded person in the first place.

Answer 5

you'll be depressed. really depressed. for a long time, and you'll never get over them. but suicide is a deffinate no. you know, because if you kill yourself, think about how depressed you are, and now think about how depressed your family will be if they lost both of you.. remember, suicide is a very selfish way to die. the only thing you can do when a spouse dies is sit back, take it, remember it, let it out, live it up, and make them proud.

Answer 6

You cry then move on,you still have your life to live and I'm sure your spouse wouldn't want you to spend your remaining life crying after them.You get yourself out join clubs,make friends.If you are really down about it which is understandable go see your doctor and he can put you in touch with bereavement councillors,talking can help unburden many feelings.

Answer 7

i does no longer get remarried - I unquestionably have been with my husband for 22+ years and he's the only guy I unquestionably have ever been with. i does no longer be waiting to love yet another guy like I do my husband and that does no longer be truthful to evaluate them each and all of the time. If I died i might wish my husband might come across a bigger half so he might have somebody to shelter him and love him.

Answer 8

my mum is going through that at mo , my dad died 2 months ago ,she is trying to be strong but inside shes not coping ,she cries every morning and nite and has photos of him everywhere . Every 1 copes differently ,but they say times a great healer ,ive yet to believe that tho

Answer 9

every one has a differnt way of dealing with it. some turn to religion others turn to their kids. others family.some get drunk
what ever soothes u .
just think of how peaceful life is for the person who just passed away. think of what makes him /her happy. have memories that will keep him/her alive always in ur heart.
dont do things that might have hurt that person.
dont u think that person wants to see u happy. be happy for that person

Answer 10

You wake up every morning, you eat, you go to work, you come home, you go to sleep, with a pain in your heart so heavy that you don't think you can even lift your body.... eventually that pain gets lighter.....

Its the only way I can describe, I lost my partner 6 years ago in an accident, and although she is not forgotten, its no longer painful to remember her.