Hi, my daughter is constanting tantruming about everything from what she is eating for dinner and bed time. She makes a scene in the market and at peoples houses. I have tried talking to her, time outs, takling her favorite toys away. I have to hold her in the time out chair because she will not sit. She is going to Kindergarten next September and I want this behavior to stop. Also she has been going to daycare and preschool 2 days a week and her teachers say she is an angel. She works well with the other kids, gets all her work done and is very polite. Someone please help me.....
2006-09-23 08:01:53 · 33 answers · asked by Vanessa L 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
shes only doing it cause she knows it works
ignore her and show her that such behavior will not be tolerated
2006-09-23 08:04:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Parenting isn't easy, is it?
There is one main thing you have to keep in mind: Make ABSOLUTELY SURE you are doing NOTHING to encourage it. This is the primary rule for stopping any sort of bad behavior in kids, whatever it is. In your case, I suspect that in the past you have given in to her tantrums; this is the wrong thing to do, because although it may stop that particular case, in the long run there's no better way to encourage it. If she starts whining that she wants something, don't try to soothe her by offering her anything. Just stay calm and indifferent, tell her she can't have it, and wait until the idea soaks into her head. Yes, it can sometimes be hard to resist that little baby face all screwed up and crying because it's not getting what it wants, but you MUST NOT GIVE IN TO IT. Eventually she will realize behaving badly isn't the way to get things done and she'll stop doing it.
Another thing: I notice some of the people here are suggesting spanking her. I'd advise against this. Kids often don't understand corporal punishment very well, and it can lead to problems later. Psychological attacks are FAR more effective and if you use them right you should have no need to use offensive force.
2006-09-23 08:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tantruming
2016-10-31 15:01:29 · answer #3 · answered by wenonah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's an attention seeking behavior... She throws a tantrum and she has your undivided attention...
The next time she throws a tantrum about dinner quietly remove her plate from the table (wrap it in plastic and place it in the refridgerator ) then walk away into another room of the house... Don't raise your voice do scream, don't yell, calmly tell her "I will be in the other room when you are ready to discuss this without having a tantrum." She has now lost her audience... She will try to get you back by yelling screaming etc. DO NOT return to the room she is in or even look in....
After a while she will come seek you out when she does she will do one of two things ... Continue the trantrum or want to talk..
If the tantrum continues gently guide her back to the table and set her down in her chair ... reinforce you previous words "I will be in the other room when you are ready to discuss this, that means we will talk, that doesn't mean you will come in to throw another tantrum.." Then leave the room again... (you may have to do this 5-6- 10 times before she learns the new routine but she will learn it)
When she comes in and is ready to discuss the situation you need to talk with her ask her what about the meal she didn't like guide the discussion so your daughter feels as if she is helping to make a positive discussion... For instance if she says "I didn't like anything I hate all those foods " you can reply "I thought you loved meatloaf and mashed potatoes" If you put a positive spin on the discussion she will begin to.
Once you are both speaking positively you need to guide the discussion to a positive solution to her dinner woes... Say something like "I know you really don't like peas all that much but they have alot of vitamins that will help you grow a healthy strong body..." She will likely agree... If not guide some more til she does agree... Discuss how it's a family meal and not every choice will be her favoritte but we must think about what others like to eat as well...
When you are both positive go back into the table and reintroduce the meal... Sit with her and talk while she eats make the meal a positive thing... Praise her on eating the peas even though they are not her favorite... Show her the attention she was seeking when throwing the tantrum when she is now behaving... She will quickly learn the concept of positive reinforcement... A positive action reeps a positive reaction (attention, praise) ... A negative action reeps nothing (she is left alone until she acts positive) ....
If you continue this concept through every tantrum with in a week you will notice the intensity and number of tantrums deminishing with in a month she will be virually tantrum free...
There are ways to say you dislike something without being negative and throwing a tantrum.... It's ok to say "I really don't like peas they taste gross to me" that is quite acceptable it's stating an opinion in a positive way ... Throwing a tantrum and screaming, yelling, etc. is not acceptable because it's negative...
Start the behavior modification at home, its an enviroment you can control more... Once you have the modification going well at home take it on the road... When she has a tantrum in the store leave her to pitch her fit on aisle twelve walk away and say "I will be at the end of the aisle when you are ready to talk.". You can't let her out of your sight at the store but you can distance yourself physically from her... watch her out of the corner of your eye not straight on... Since the groundwork was layed at home she will quickly connect the two situations and will stop throwing the tantrum and want to talk..
Be consistant..... Don't allow yourself to be the perfect audience of one at the tantrum showcase... And don't give in to the demands made during a tantrum...
Good Luck
2006-09-23 08:52:41 · answer #4 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh dear. 5 yrs old is hard to start discipline. but you can't give in or you will be in worse situation when she reach teen years. right now you have a good chance since this is only at home occurence. obviously time out chair does not work anymore. when in a good mood. tell her that tantrums do not get her stuff she wants. explain that she gets what she wants at christmas and birthdays only for good behavior. then ignore her when she has tantrums at home.be consistent. this is harder in public places. explain that tantrum in public places will make her forfeit trips to favorite places like the zoo or dollar store etc. eventually she;ll realize tantrums don't work.
another advice. this applies to doing homework too. be consistent enforcing no tv before homework. this good habit will carry over to higher grades.
2006-09-30 15:25:30 · answer #5 · answered by jay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is the parent?
Sounds like you are letting her get away with her tantrums.
So what if she pitches a fit. Spank her little butt. Use a rolled up newspaper. Won't hurt but seems scary. Or slap the little hands. She needs to start minding NOW. How will she act when she turns 16? She will really be out of control. Be the boss.
Don't take her favorite toys away for a while. Get rid of them for good. No time outs. Don't let her go anywhere. Turn off the television, get off of the computer and get her butt in line.
She will get worse if you don't.
2006-09-23 08:06:18 · answer #6 · answered by Trollhair 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If shes like my kids then she is only doing it cause she can. She probably doesn't do it for anyone else. My kids are perfect angels for everyone but me. I wouldn't worry about her starting school. Teachers sometimes have this special gift to tolerate this behavior and fix it. As for going to the market and other peoples houses. Don't take her until she can behave. She will get the picture sooner or later.
2006-10-01 04:00:15 · answer #7 · answered by catccrockins 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aww remember when it was sooo cute when your baby cried to just give em whatever the heck they wanted just to shut them up? Not too cute anymore is it?
Your kid is doing this because you've rewarded this type of behavior for 5 years now.... That's how you trained her to communicate with you..
of course she doesn't act that way around other people.. because she learned REALLY quick that throwing fits is not going to get her what she wants...
You live you learn.. and now you have to learn... People have given good advice here.. it's up to YOU as the PARENT to change your ways.. Your kid has you right where she wants you.. and you do whatever she wants.. You give in.. Stop giving in...
You don't need to yell at your kid when they start.. Just ignore them.. and calmly say.. Crying is NOT going to get you what you what.. So go right on ahead and cry.. I don't care.. You look rediculous!!! I always make a point to point out the horrible nasty children in the stores when we go too.. and say SEE how Stupid you look when you do that? See how everyone watches and thinks how horrible that child is?
2006-10-01 01:29:48 · answer #8 · answered by SassySista 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Usually kids will throw tantrums around their parents because they want more attention, and because they want you to hear what they have to say. Are you spending enough time with your child? If you aren't, I would try to put aside some time every day just to be with your daughter. That may stop the tantrum. Another thing that may work is, getting your daughter to draw a picture of her feelings. I suggested that to a parent with a seven-year-old, and it seemed to work.
2006-09-23 08:05:22 · answer #9 · answered by poeticjustice 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be sure to reward positive behavior instead of only punishing bad behavior.
Teach your children to recognize and discuss their emotions. Set a good example in this regard by discussing your own feelings.
Make sure your rules and expectations are clear and reasonable. If you don't, you're only setting your child up for failure.
Ignore the bad tantrums. When my daughter throws herself on the floor and begins a tantrum, I ignore it. Unfortunately, this isn't an option when it happens in public!
2006-09-23 14:45:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop giving her attention for the bad behavior, and the bad behavior will stop. My parents always ignored tantrums. The reason she has tantrums is because she knows that she has you trained to eventually give in to her if she yells loud enough. Once she realizes that her tantrums aren't going to get her anywhere or anything, she'll stop. When she starts yelling, just move away from her... and go about your daily business.
2006-09-23 08:05:58 · answer #11 · answered by Kat Strat 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋