Help! my kids just can't seem to pick up after themselves?

Question

I have an 11 yr old, 9 yr old, 6 yr old, 5 yr old and a 3 yr old..my house can go from clean to trashed in .5 seconds, the 6 yr old is the worst, I don't want to punish them anymore it just doesn't work. I just want to help them to become cleaner and have good clean habits, any ideas?

Answer 1

I have 4 kids too. About the same age split, now they are 19, 17, 13 & 12. This is tough, but you are going to have to start throwing their stuff out when they leave it laying around. Be heartless it may take a while but they will get it.

Answer 2

Try to make it a game for them, and offer rewards based on a point system.Then at the end of the week, whoever has the most points gets to pick what's for dinner or something like that. Make the prize not too big, but something that effects all of the kids because that way they will see the benefit of doing well. If they have to eat something that they don't like because they didn't win, then that will hopefully motivate them to do better the next time.

For instance- let them know way ahead of time what time you will be checking their rooms, so that they aren't surprised, and then give them like a 20 minute warning before you check them. Count off points for things that belong in their rooms that are out of place (toys in the living room).
If they are messing up the entire house you might want to split them up into teams, with the little one alternating between the two teams. I would put the 11 year old with the 5 year old and the 9 year old with the six year old.
Also, I would get them each a box with their name on it, so that they can have a place to temporarily put their stuff until they take it to their rooms.
Make sure to reward them for doing well, instead of punishing them for doing badly.
Praise them to other people (make sure that they can hear you) because this will make them want to do even better.
If they didn't do well, explain to them why they didn't win, and explain how to do a better job next time.
Don't criticize them to other people, it will embarass them and make them resentful.
Most of all let them know what you expect of them from the very beginning, and be consistent.
You can also do things like a random walk through of the house, and if everything is pretty good, give them all a special treat like a movie, or favorite dessert.
Let them know that they are gonna have to stop playing with toys and stuff- like 5 minutes before dinner so that they can put their things away and wash up.

Answer 3

Sounds like a reward system may be your only answer. It also sounds like you need to have a garage sale. I would clean house and my girls would start throwing things on the ground. I started picking up whatever was left lying around and tell them that it is going in the goodwill box. After a while they got the message. then I would wrap those same items back up and give them back to them at Christmas! LOL! LOL! Shame on me.

Actually, another good idea is at the end of each week, hold a little family meeting and hand out blue ribbons or little certicates of achievement to the child who did clean up after themselves and make big hoopla. Throw in a couple of dollars for good measure. Or, if they want candy money, put up a dry erase board and have a set price list for vacuuming, dusting, taking out trash, dishes, etc. Each child can cross out the chore they did and write their name in that spot. Make sure you have a bunch of quarters on hand and piggy banks that are see through so they can beam with pride the fuller their bank gets. Know what I mean?

I feel for you. I went through hell with mine and tried everything and then some. If all else fails, just kick them out of the house and into the back yard all day. LOL!

Answer 4

Have you tried telling them to clean up?

I'd also try explaining that you're a family and they should try and keeep the house clean as you trip over some of their stuff or you are working hard to raise them and they could do their part so you wouldnt have to come home from work to do more cleaning up work. Ask them if they understand your job is hard and if it is fair for you to clean up after them. Have them put themselves in your shoes. IF they start cleaning up, good and sometimes they will forget and you will have to ask them, "So and So, can you please clean this area please?" In addition, tell them they are responsible for what they do and if they come into the area, they need to leave the area like it was before they went in.


As a last resort, if they still refuse because they say no but dont give a reason, take away privelages like watching Cable or the internet. Those are privelages and not rights...they dont have to do those things.

Answer 5

Have realistic expectations. They are kids, they will be messy and they won't be able to clean up as well as they will when they are older.

Get rid of some of the things that clutter. Have fewer toys out but put some away (like in a basement or attic) and then rotate them.

Have laundry baskets in the rooms so it's easy to put things away.

Rather than punish them for not doing things right, reward them for the job they are able to do (don't expect PERFECT!)

Make it fun... You can have pick-up races, or a pick up song.

Join in the "fun" with them so they see you as a helper, even though it is mostly their job to clean up their stuff.

Best wishes to you-
from a grandma-aged person

Answer 6

try the flylady.net. it's a great system that lots of kids have fun participating in and the instructions come from outside the house, which may help if this has been a contentious issue for some time. the great thing about fly lady is she is actually teaching skills messy people lack.

one male friend just doesn't allow his kids on their computers until they've completed their chores and picked up after themselves.

some friends of mine have three times a day 'pixie pickups' where all activity stops and they run around cleaning together.
i would never give an allowance for cleaning up after yourself. that's just expected. and, for helping with family chores, well, that's just part of being a family. no pay for that, either.

in my family, it's all about cleaning together - and never ever punishing. I agree with you, it doesn't work. I do say - hey pick that up before you go on to another activity. And, they do. if you've got a good relationship foundation, it's much easier.

Answer 7

ones great idea that could work is that any toys that are on the floor and not picked up when asked then they must be packed up and put away and they would not be able to play with them for a certain amount of time. (like 1 month) or even to donate those toys to a local charity for other children to use. i imagine that if this were to happen for about 3 days or so the children would soon realize that their toys are slowly dwindling and they may shape up!

have you tried a rewards system? if they make their beds and clean up their toys everyday for a week then they get to have something special (like stay up late to watch a special movie, or have a pizza night, or even go somewhere special)
then slowly add more items to be done. this could backfire though and they may think that everytime they clean up something they need to get a prize. so if you make it something like a pizza night or something like going somewhere this could be achievable for you!

Answer 8

I used a "Buy Back Box" with my kids...

I would tell them 2 times to pick up thier stuff then I would pick it up and put it in the "Buy Back Box" I never yelled or screamed I just calmly placed the item in the box... The children were not allowed to touch the item until allowance day (saturday) They each recieved thier allowance $3.00... Then the process of manditorily buying back thier items began... Each item cost 1 dime it could be a toy or a piece of crumpled up old homework page, they had to buy it back.... And pay me the 1 dime maids fee per item for cleaning up after them...

It took 1 month before most of the messes in our house magically stopped being made in the first place...

I purchased several pads of sticky notes so an item could be marked if it didn't have a definate owner, the last person to have the item before it was left out got to buy it back because I stuck thier name to it... When I put it in the "Buy Back Box"....

The exercise taught my children to not only pick up after themselves but also the cost involved if they refused and thought they would just hire a maid when they grew up... With an allowance od $3.00 and 1 dime an item money runs out fast....

Be creative and Good Luck...

Answer 9

They have to much stuff.... Get some big storage containers and put some stuff away... Then as they learn to pick up a smaller amount of stuff, you can give more and more back. They should never have enough stuff to trash your house in 5 seconds.

Answer 10

I have 7 children,ages 15,12,10,7,5,2 and 2.We have decided together something - when I see a toy on the floor,I go to them and say "I think you have forgotten something on the floor".If they refuse to take it I say "Would you like to take it or you'd like me to take it?".Then they have a choice - if they take the toy and put it on it's place everything goes well.If they decide I'll tale it,I take the toy and put it on a high-level shelf.Then my children have to prove me during 3 days,that they can take care of their toys and put them on their places after playing.If they do it,I return the toy.If they don't,I keep the toy on the shelf.That's how I find out which toys are useless and which are important for my kids.