will it get any easier?

Question

my dad died of bowel and liver cancer 2 months ago and my world has been turned upside down ,my hero has gone ,the person who used 2 guide me through life. It is the hardest thing i have ever had to cope with ,can some 1 please tell me if things will get easier , he was only diagnosed in oct 2005 and we only had him another 9 months after that .

Answer 1

When I lost my Dad it felt like the world had ended,we used to do so much together,I know it is awful but I loved him lot`s more than I loved my mum ,It gets better if you think you wouldn`t wish him back to suffer ,that you wouldn`t just want him back for your own sake ,I think of my dad everyday I have a framed photo of him on my wall ,if I feel depressed or need someone to talk to I talk to him ,I`m sure he can hear me as I always feel a whole lot better,I went to hospital with my father after he had a stroke ,I was told by the nurses to go home and get some rest as he would be ok ,he died and I wasn`t with him ,I still blame myself a little for that,thing`s do get better then you are left with the lovely memories of him ,no one can take them ,,take care you will feel better very soon

Answer 2

My condolences. My father had the Big C for about the same time and due to the nature of my work abroad I saw him for only a month and said my last goodbyes 5 months before he passed.

I don't know how old you are (I was 27) but I suspect you are much younger. My baby sis was 17.

I can however tell you that yes, things will get easier - it just takes time. There is nothing wrong with mourning a loved one, and you will never ever forget your dad. Believe me, you will in a couple of years look back on funny things concerning him and have a little smile of remembrance. You may still have the odd moment when you shed a tear. That really is all part of life and growing up.

As you grow older - into your 40's and 50's and beyond - you will find people departing ever more frequently. You will be better equipped to handle it, even though if it is someone close the pain is still as intense.

Hang in there, remember your father and respect his memory. Just be thankful you had such a great chap in your life - even if it was not as long a stay as you would have liked.

Answer 3

My mum died of cancer, she had been ill for a few months and everytime she went to the doctors they told her it was muscular. They gave her an x ray and failed to notice anything. They had a whole page full of notes, including loss of use in her left side, a major sign that her vital organs were giving up, drastic unhealthy weightloss and various obvious signs, including the fact that she hadn't been to the doctors since the 70s, apart from HRT, she was 50. When she was eventually diagnosed correctly she was admitted to hospital straight away and died 2 weeks later on my birthday. I am now 7 and a half years down the line and believe me it does get easier. You will suffer for a long time though and you have to bear with it i'm afraid, there are no easy steps for you to take to make the pain go away so you will have a struggle for some time yet. But trust me when i say you will certainly comes to term with it eventually although it will be some time yet. You have had a massive loss and my thoughts are with you but be strong and accept the times that you are tearful and hurt as part of the healing process. Good luck. XX

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear that. I too lost my hero, but it was back in 1992. I did everything for my dad..cooked, took him to appts, etc. The first year is the hardest because it's the "firsts" for everything. The only thing I can tell you is the pain does lesson with each passing week or month. I think the first 3 months were actually the very hardest. To this day, I have an ache in my heart when I think of him, but it does get easier hon. Be thankful that you had him 9 months to talk and take care of him. My dad was suddenly and unexpectedly taken from me and I think that's even harder to bear. Good luck and God Bless..

Answer 5

I'm so sorry that you're going through such a difficult time, you were obviously very close to your father. Be kind to yourslef and don;'t be impatient with the time it takes to recover from this, you'll never stop missing him, but in time it will grow easier to cope with. Do go and see your doctor if you really find day-to-day life a struggle; getting to work, etc, they may be able to help you, counselling can be very beneficial, give it some time if you try it and if you don;t get on with it consider swapping counsellors, they all have an individual style and some will work better for you than for others.
Are you sharing this loss with anyone else, do talk to your mum/ siblings other family and friends, there'll all be caring about you and it does help to talk about things, even if it's hard at the time.
Take care of yourself.
x

Answer 6

my dad died when I was 10 of a heart attack, and I remember feeling scared and I had to grow up so much faster than all my friends, and take on so much responsability. I can tell you time is the only thing that will make it easier, but you will always miss him. Im now 21 and still cry when I think of him, many people dont understand after 11 years I should be ok, but you dont just get over things like that. The one thing that I took away from it all is that I am more intune with how short life is and I dont sweat the small stuff like the rest of me peers. If you can learn something from your dad dying then its like he is still living and teaching you.

Answer 7

Everyone grieves in different ways. I am glad to see that are mourning the loss - that is a good step. I too went through what you are going through now, but it was 9 years ago next month, and it was my mother. She was my best friend and every day without her in the beginning was like not breathing. I can assure you my friend, that it will get better. Do things that the two of you did together, and remember the good times, and always keep in the back of your mind that you will one day see each other again.

Answer 8

I know how you feel. My mom died in May. She'd had Parkinsons', but was doing okay. Then she got much worse all of a sudden, and within two weeks she was dead. She was very upset about dying, and it was so hard for her.

All I can tell you is that this is something we all have to go through with our parents eventually. It sounds like your dad wasn't very old, and that makes it harder. My first husband was killed in an accident 20 years ago, and sometimes it still hurts so bad. You'll never get over the pain, but you'll learn to live with it and still be able to enjoy life. Give yourself time to mourn, and then time to heal. Losing a parent is harder than I realized, even when they are sick and maybe it is their time to go.

I'm sorry for your loss of your dad. It sounds like he was a terrific father. You're lucky to have had him, and he was fortunate to have had you for a child, too. Memorialize him in some way, privately and in your heart. Remember the good things about him, and how much a part of him YOU are.

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, things will get easier. Seven stages of grief have been identified:

- Shock stage: Initial paralysis at hearing the bad news.
- Denial stage: Trying to avoid the inevitable.
- Anger stage: Frustrated outpouring of bottled-up emotion.
- Bargaining stage: Seeking in vain for a way out.
- Depression stage: Final realization of the inevitable.
- Testing stage: Seeking realistic solutions.
- Acceptance stage: Finally finding the way forward.

People move through these stages at their own pace. The only comfort I can give you is the assurance that eventually you reach the point of acceptance and move on. You will always miss your dad and never forget him, but believe me, the pain becomes less with time, and although it is renewed with anniversaries like holidays and such, it lessens and eventually disappears. Hang in there. We all go through it at some point.

Answer 10

How terribly sad! It is clear from the other answers that this is a common enough issue. My dad died in 1990 merely 6 months after his diagnosis of lung cancer. I still miss him! However, the pain of loss has receded to a dull ache now.

Do seek professional help if you the grief begins to interfere with your life. In the UK, Macmillan Cancer Relief can provide bereavement counselling. Local services also exist and your GP can provide information about this.

Grief is one of the many facets of existence and these feelings must be acknowledged because experiencing loss and learning to manage it can make us stronger.