Hi i am 18 going to be 19 and just got married it was a spur of the moment thing i went with my bf of 2 months to vegas with some friends and at some point one of his friends said we were like a married couple and my bf just turned around and said why not get married right now and then we kind of did. This was a joke that was taken way too far. This happened a month ago and we are still really in love but after this we pretended like nothing happened.My parents cant stand him because he is 21 and italian not spanish like they wanted and his parents dont really like me because i am spanish and they want him to date Italian girls.We told them we were engaged after the trip to Vegas. Is there a nice way to tell our parents this? I also think i may have gotten pregnant that night on top of it.
2006-09-23 06:35:52 · 6 answers · asked by Keri O 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I check and yes we really are legally married. Should we tell them all at once or just bump down the engagmet time if i am pregnant?Both our families are catholic and would take this serious. My husband want to stay married but i am not sure if i want too i am only a freshmen in college?
2006-09-23 06:36:47 · update #1
This is so much harder because you haven't made a committment to the relationship.
Take some time to be alone and ask yourself if this is the man you want to be married to. Is he someone you trust and respect? How do other people view him? Do they consider him to be a decent person? Do you see good things for you and him when you look a couple of years down the road? Can you see yourself loving him for a lifetime?
Decide if you are single or married in your heart and in your mind.
If you are pregnant then you need to consider...do I want to keep this child? What are my alternatives, abortion, adoption (closed or open) and keeping the baby. Once you have looked into your heart, evaluated your morals, and asked yourself if you have made a decision you can follow through on then you will know where you are with being a parent at this time of life. If you are pregnant honesty would dictate that you share this with the father. Should you choose to not keep the baby, he should have first claim on the child.
If you decide this man is not "The One", then you need to go to the parent who will hear you when you say this. Tell your parent what happened. Tell them you do not believe this is the man you should make a lifetime committment to. Ask this parent to help you dissolve the marriage. However, if you are pregnant then this conversation should include that fact and the decision you have made regarding the pregnancy. Ask this parent to support you in your decision.
If you decide this man truly will be your husband, then you need to go to him FIRST because you and he have a lot of groundwork to cover. Tell him you love him and that you are so happy to be his bride. Then make up a household budget so that you both know what it is going to take to sustain your marriage financially. You need to be aware of what your responsibilities in this relationship are and he should be able to tell you what he thinks his responsibilities are. If you are pregnant and keeping the baby you need to decide what will happen when the baby arrives. Do you qualify for WIC, how much is child care and do you qualify for a subsidy? Are you enrolled in an insurance plan or do you need to apply for the state sponsored insurance? Cover your bases. Are you going to enroll next semester or do you need to take time out from school to deal with choices you are making? Write down on paper clear, factual notes for reference when you break the news and take them with you when you meet.
Then you and he need to go to one or the other's of your families...first one, then the other. Try to figure out who is most supportive and go there first. Sit at the table and put the notes in front of you. Tell them honestly what happened. Tell them what you have discussed about how this relationship is going to progress and how you are going to make that happen. If pregnant and keeping the child, let them know that a grandchild is coming and that that child has been paramount in all of your decision making. Ask for their support. Asking for their support is key. It reassures them that you are not excluding yourselves from their lives, consideration, or guidance......It reassures them that they may have some control over a situation that is a shock and was spinning out of control.....that there may still be some way they can protect THEIR own child: that would be you (or him).
Repeat with second family.
You are about to disrupt all normal emotional function in both households. Remain calm when panic ensues. Calmly and slowly read from your notes in order so that they can process in minutes what you have had weeks to comprehend. Do not yell, argue or disrespect either family. Do say "I am sorry this happened this way, we did not want to hurt you." If things get out of hand then you need to exit together. Expect that there are going to be unhappy people and remain calm. Let time heal, and the shock wear off. Remember that trust and respect create love. Everyone in this situation is going to need a little extra love. Be mature beyond what you think is in you and do not panic. When everyone is hyped you and he need to be calm. Their reaction will not change the course you have chosen. Eventually they will come to see the wisdom of your careful, deliberate decision making. Present yourselves as the person they can eventually respect for making the hard choices and following through.
Look down the road at how you want to remember handling this, with dignity and the courage of your convictions, and make that a reality.
2006-09-23 08:29:28 · answer #1 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have a lot more to worry about than just families that don't get along. You both made some pretty foolish decisions that you (and your families) are going to have to pay the piper on.
First, you need to find out (and quickly) if you are or are not pregnant. If you are, then you'll be asking yourself a whole lot of different questions. If not, then you need to ask yourself if you're willing to live with this person for the rest of your life? Is he willing to support you while you complete your education? Do you both share the same goals in life? Can you both live with families that may never come around to accepting the marriage?
If you are pregnant, you need to come clean about everything for you own sanity's sake and then just go from there. Make decisions that you feel are best for you, your child and your husband.
Marriage is not a joke. It's hard work. Adding a kid to the mix just makes it even more difficult. Good luck! You have a long, hard road ahead of you.
2006-09-23 13:45:51 · answer #2 · answered by cgspitfire 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to live your life for yourself and no one else if you love him and want to stay married than by all means do it. if you both let your parents tell you that you should be with each other that will only give them the confidence that they can influence your lives and thinking. so you and your husband should sit down and talk seriously about your lives, goal and future to see if you two are one the same page first of all and if any compromises can be made to make this marriage work if you both decide to continue with it . and if you are pregnant then he will be apart of your life forever and your parents and his parents are going to have to learn how to get along and accept you and your husband because they will have a common grandchild. but it may be a good thing to do after you and your husband talk and figure out your future plans to have a dinner and invite both set of parents and just tell them you all are married and there is nothing that will change that but for that to work (you and your husband must stand united) if not they will pick you all apart. if you don't want the marriage get it annulled.
2006-09-23 13:50:33 · answer #3 · answered by chocolatefancier 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you played and now you have got to pay. You have to be honest with both sets of parents ASAP. I would be willing to bet that your parents don't like him for a number of different reasons and not just because he is Italian. This goes for his parents as well. And of course this situation is not going to endear either of you to them. But you two made a decision and you have to live with the consequences and you had better start now...especially if you are pregnant. There is no nice way to sugar coat this or get out of it. So suck it up it's time to grow up. Sorry this sounds harsh...but life is like that sometimes when we don't use our heads....
2006-09-23 13:57:14 · answer #4 · answered by Barbiq 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are NOT preggers, get it annulled you guys are too young ,if you want, keep dating for another 2 years and if it is still what you guys want get engaged in a year thaen you have 1 mor year to plan you wedding.
2006-09-23 14:19:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay married.....a person of your wistfulness and curiosity will be married again next week anyway. ...................or ...
make an appointment to see a personal psychologist quickly ... it sounds as though your abundance of social conformity has lost you.
i am available...but i don't do vegas.
be well all ways
2006-09-23 13:52:02 · answer #6 · answered by noninvultuous 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋