What do you do when you catch kids playing "doctor"?

Question

My niece came over today for awhile to play with my son. She is 7, he is 5. I found them playing "doctor" in his room, when I asked what they were doing she started freaking out and begging me not to tell her Grandma (she lives between her mom and her grandma because her mom is a skank and doesnt really take good care of her). She started saying it was my son who "made me do it". I know this is a lie because she has done things in the past that seemed overly sexual for a child to do. I think she has picked things up from her mother, My son told me she makes him play it in the car when grandma babysits them both. I am worried about her because she knows too much for being so little and I am afraid she will continue to do sexual things, something I feel could cause endless problems for her as she grows. Grandma cant control her and her mom doesnt care. Should I just keep my son away from her and tell her grandma/mom and hope they finally do something? I dont suspect she is being abused.

I know she is being abused in the sense that she is being exposed to things that arent good for her, but I also know CPS would not be able to do anything in this situation. I have consulted a social worker in my area. Also, she is seeing a school counselor already.

Answer 1

from your extended comments you are already on the right track to addressing the issue. However, it will also be very necessary if you have not already, to sit with the two children individually and not only try to figure out where this behavior is arising but also to give them an early sexually orientation in an educational way since they have already been interacting otherwise and get them to understand why is it that they should not behave in such a manor at this point in their lives. Also, making yourself more aware of their activities, such as music listening; progams watched on television; playing with others in any setting (school, neighborhood etc.); observing adult behavior and contents without the guardian's awareness as well as other things depending upon that child's daily activities, so that you may be able to catch on to what this child is being exposed to can also help in understanding the most recent incident and at the same prevent others from occurin as far as you can control. As for your son become firm with teaching him how to identify bad or abnormal behavior within peers and adults and how to properly initiate to the other that it is wrong and he will not participate in such behavior. There are many ways to accomplish this, but don't brush off neither child because they both need proper guidance no matter who or what. Work with them both to meet necessary understanding and you can always have the others whom you have already gone to for help to aid you in doing so. God be with you in your decision making!

Answer 2

Don't give up of the girl.She needs help and care which as far as I can see,she doesn't receive from her mother and probably doesn't care what gradma says.You can do a lot and you should actually.So when the girl becomes a teenager(it won't be a long time after) she will have someone who really understands her and can help her.First of all,you should invite her in your house at least 3-4 times a week and for longer than 3 hours.Make it like this - she has to spend as much time as she can in your house with you.Then,even though she is 7,talk to her about all these things.Talk to her about her mother.What does the girl think?Talk about her grandmother.How does the girl feel after rolling between her mom and her grandma?Try active listening and curious question(I said curious,not instructive).For more help(for you,your niece and your son) buy "Positive Discipline for preschoolers" by Jane Nelson).The girl is being abused but that's psychologically and nobody can prove it(you said CPS cannot help).But the most important is that YOU SEE IT,even though the others(CPS) won't believe.Are you sure you cannot take the quardianship over the girl?Anyway I'm not trying to remake your life-style but I'm trying to turn to better one little girl's life.And you are the only person who can really help her.Don't give up!The little girl needs you!

Answer 3

wow. No 7 year old should know that much. She may not have been physically abused but what about mental abuse? There has to be a reason as to why she knows this much. Someone either talks way to much around her or she has seen things she shouldn't be seeing. She needs help. The fact that she begged you not to tell on her is enough to tell you that she knows what she is doing is wrong. If mom don't care and grandma can't handle her maybe it's time for more help. What about another family member caring for her? If there is no one that can or will step in and get her some help then maybe you should contact child services. The child needs help and the sooner she gets it the better things will be.

Answer 4

I would convince someone that she needs a good talking to about what is appropriate and what isnt. I would talk to both her mom and grandma and talk to her yourself telling her that what she is doing is innappropriate and she can't play with her son anymore if she is going to act that way. With the way her mother is I might consult CPS to look into it also because you never know if she is getting abused or exposed to the wrong things.

Answer 5

It may be hard but I would make a report to a state agency. There may be something more going on and she may need more help.

If she is being abused and its gone untreated she could be the abuser when she grows up.

You can make a report that she was touching your son. That is not normal.

She started saying it was my son who "made me do it". when I asked what they were doing she started freaking out and begging me not to tell her Grandma

These statements tell me something may have happened to her and she was told "never tell" and she freaked thinking the person who probably told her this will find out.

Answer 6

For one thing there are many forms of abuse,and this child sounds like has seen way to much. You should talk to her mother and grandmother about it. Tell them that that is not allowed at your house and that they could get into social services trouble too if they don't properly take care of situations like this. To a certain point playing doctor is normal,but if it involves private parts then you have to put a stop to it. Talk to your son about it too, tell him not to allow it and to tell you anytime someone wants to touch him.If all the talking fails, take it to your social services, cause the child's future is at stake, you don't want her to become some "slut" on the street,who gets taken advantage of.

Answer 7

it sounds like u'v kept ur cool n handled the situation well. its good that u didnt make an issue or make them feel guilty about their 'explorations'
its all human behaviour and its something many people have done as children
just have a little chat with them and tell them its something that will happen when they are older, perhaps u could let them read an educational book that would answer their questions.
i wish i had had that chance as a child. mayb then i wouldnot have allowed abuse.
maybe ur niece could do with some sage tea or a hair analysis, it tells what vitamins n minerals that the body is low in. as our levels have a direct link to our thoughts n actions

Answer 8

I would talk to this child myself about what things are apporpriate play.
I know you think she isn't being abused but exposure to the wrong things is a kind of abuse I would personally go in and talk to the school counseler about the whole situation and see what opionon she gives you, If you not this behavior continuing contact child protective services to evaluate the situation and you can do this anynomously so as to not cause a family fued.
Be there to support this child shw needs it.

Answer 9

I agree with Macdoodle. If you knew the answers, you wouldn't be here asking.

First, in and of itself, the doctor thing is insignificant. We all did that at some young age or another. But the fact that you say she knows so much about this and that seems classic symptom of some kind of abuse, intentional or not. I hope you figure out and do the right thing. good luck

Answer 10

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