my husband is a smoker....?

Question

I know that smoking is a really really hard addiction to get over. I was the smart few in this world not to get addicted to that horrible toxin. But my husband is a smoker and it never really bothered me until we got pregnate, I'm 12 weeks now and everytime I smell his pack of smokes, his breath or even the smell of it on his clothes I get physically sick. Some say it's morning sickness, it's not, My husband smokes outside and he tries to brush his teeth afterwards. I'm afraid that it's not helping any more, it's to the point where I don't even want to sit next to him on the couch anymore cause he stinks that bad afterwards. I've brought this to his attention before and he gets all wierd, he sulks and goes to bed and tries to make me feel bad. I've tried everything, I've bought him the patch, bought him zyban, and I've stood by him going cold turkey... i don't want our child to know that their dad is a smoker and grow up to be one too?? any suggestions???

hey all, I never said that I was going to leave my husband. I love him alot, and I know we can get through this, all I wanted was some suggestions to get through this tough time... yes, he was a smoker before but it didn't bother me until I got pregnate and now I'm upset about it. Just like anyone else would be... I thank you for your opinions and I respect them, have a great day.

Answer 1

I feel your pain. My husband is a smoker too, and he made me sick to my stomach my whole pregnancy. Now that the baby is here it is actually even worse because smoking increases the chances of SIDS, and it is hard not to think about that. But unless he is ready to quit, he won't. You said you bought your hubby all those things to help him quit, but the fact that he didn't buy them himself shows he does not want to, so you just have to give him time. At least he goes outside and respects the fact that secondhand smoke is bad for you and the baby. My hubby sits out there for a while after he is done to try to air out a bit. Ask him to try that.

As for your kid becoming a smoker, I grew up in a household of them, and never touched a cigg. My hubby's parents never smoked and now he does. To be honest it all depends on how well you teach your child.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Its pretty common for pregnant women to get sick just from the smell of cigarette smoke. It goes away after pregnancy though...

but, in regards to your "not wanting your child to know your husband is a smoker"... sorry to say... but your child is going to know. Maybe not for a few years, but I figured out my father was a marijuana smoker when I was around 12 without ever actually seeing him do it. The kid will know something doesn't smell right or wonder why their dad always leaves the room and goes outside and they aren't allowed to follow. Not to be rude, but kids aren't stupid... you should wake up and realize that your kid IS going to know. Don't live in a dream world.
By the way, my father is a heavy cigarette smoker too and has done it infront of me since I can remember... I am not a smoker. Seeing him smoke, smelling how bad he smelled made me NOT want to smoke. (Well, except for the time period between 6 and 12 when I used to steal the cigarettes and smoke them in my tree house... which my parents still dont know about to this day... but its been almost 8 years since the last time I did that)

Answer 3

Hi. I am so sorry. This is a very hard situation, isn't it. First, you need a little TLC. It is ok. This is difficult and you have been trying very hard. You have both backed into your separate corners, haven't you. There is little real communication going on now, just strike and counter stroke. If it going to change, admit that. Be honest. Both of you. No more games. You are parents now, not high school kids. Call an immediate truce. Do what you need (sleep separately) to make it easier for you both. Compromise. But then get into some counselling. Find a reputable marriage counsellor and sort this out. You need to build a bridge and you need help doing it like yesterday. As anew mom, you need calm and support now, not turmoil. And as an expectant dad, he needs to not fail. Think about it. You are letting the stress run your lives. Take back control. Love each other. Help each other. Become a couple again before you become a trio.

Answer 4

I went through almost the same thing with my first pregnancy,Difference being I was A smoker as well.I quit almost immediately as it made me sick . My husband though did not,We tried everything it was much harder for him,We fought, I cried he
pouted.{he still smokes Out side} Any way it came down to this He new th smell made me sick {i would actually vomit} I knew it was hard for him to quit so he still smoked, he,cut down to just at work and and when he absolutely had to at home . he went out side, come it took a shower,changed clothes and brushed his teeth. A lot of work on his part but it was only for nine months and we survived.I am still smoke free and he is still fighting the battle. I comes down to this sit down and talk, come up with a solution that you can both deal with, Take it from an ex smoker it is much harder to quit than you may think. He may really want to quit and feel guilty that he can't.

Answer 5

Yeah, it's a tough habit to break. I quit a few years ago.

I was aware of the smell that cigarettes left on me, so what I did was I always smoked outside and always faced so that the wind would carry the smoke away from me, and made sure that when I exhaled the smoke that it blew away from me also. This minimized GREATLY the amount of smoke smell left on me. The "potty flavored mouth" was still there, so I'd gargle with some mouthwash (Minty Listerine), and that helped that...also sipping on sodas helped keep the potty mouth from coming back.

The only great thing about having a smoker for a parent, or so I've heard from coworkers, is that the children don't tend to smoke. Perhaps, over a period of time, before your child becomes aware of what smoking is, your husband will finally quit smoking. I know it took me years....and much of what helped me quit is knowing how much others hated to smell it, even after I'd finished the cigarette.

Now I'm one of those that hates to smell it, too! :o)

Best of luck to you and your baby.....and to your husband too!

Answer 6

First of all CALM DOWN your only 12 weeks pregnant sooo you have a long long way to go before your baby starts understanding that his/hers dad smokes and my follow his actions on that..in the meantime I don't blame you one bit on the smell of the smoke and if its bothering you then he should be more respectful of your feelings and quit.. The smoke smell no matter if you smoke outside and brush your teeth is on your clothes and all when you come in its a smell that will stay on your for quite awhile.. Id keep trying to talk to him and maybe soon he will quit smoking . I know its a horrible habit and even harder one to quit. Give him a bit of time and i think hopefully he will come around.

Answer 7

well since u can;t change him. It is morning sickness i was a smoker till i gt pregnant made me sick so did the smell tell him try to wear a jacket when he goes outside take it off before comes in. u won't ever beable to stop ur kids from smoking if they are going to smoke. have him wash his hands to

Answer 8

He HAS to WANT to quit. It's that simple.
It IS an addiction.
I smoked for 33 years (what a humbling admission) and one day my son and I were shoveling snow together, and I was wheezing and getting a tight chest, and I said to myself, this is not how I want to live anymore. I want to be around for/with my family.
So I told God, yes I TOLD him, "you have to take these things out of my life. I LIKE to smoke, I WANT to smoke, and I'm GOING to smoke unless you help me, because I am a weak vessel"
That was March 1st,2005, I have not touched a cigarette once in 1 1/2 years. My wife said she never thought I would ever quit.
I didn't, I had help.
I offer up a prayer for your husband right now.
Best wishes.

Answer 9

Amanda, I know what you are going thru and I wish you well in sorting it out. I just read the answer from Isis and hers may be the perfect answer.

I expect you have been over this with him, but he really needs to see a doctor and get serious about quitting, providing that he has willingly tried to quit before.

I have had 4 people close to me die from cancer & emphysema, and it ain't easy to see them suffer. The cancers died fairly quickly, but watching a man take 10 steps then have to rest is pretty hard to do.

The fact is, cancer and emphysema cure smoking. I hope it doesn't come to that in his case.

Good Luck

Answer 10

first off, did you know that breathing in even the smell off of his shirt is toxic to you and your unborn baby? The toxins linger in the hair and clothes. Make sure if he still smokes when the baby is born he changes his clothes before he holds the baby, the toxins can actually be released from the fabric into the skin. Its really sad he smokes at all. tell him to at least go to smoking pot, it isnt nearly as dangerous as cigs. Just be careful, both my kids developed asthma because of my damn inlaws who i foudn out were smoking right in front of them when they baby sat!! trust me, that came to an end. Good luck, you can always move out and say imnot coming back until you agree to quit. If he loves you he will stop, if he choses cigs over you then, what kind of man is that and you wouldnt want him to even be a dad to your child.