How do i figure my self out? and who i really am ?i m 18 yrs old and my parents have controlled almost everything in my life and never let me do anything and now that i lke a guy i feel i dont now who i am really so how can i show him?I only had one real bf and felt like i was putting on a show of what he wanted to see to make him happy. I dont want to do that ever again all i really now is that i am in college like history and maybe want to do something with that or animals. Also i enjoy cooking and love my family and few good friends and enjoy being laid back. Thats all i really now and for my personality that i am shy most of the time and nice to all pretty much?I was never was allowed to try new things so i feel i have nothing to show people in my personality or who i am.
2006-09-23 03:58:12 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Tried acting like my friends or other people to help portray confidence but that does not work. My parents just tell people i am anti-social.
2006-09-23 03:59:04 · update #1
I now i have a bit of a wild side but last time it came out i got in trouble i snuck out only really to a friends sweet 16 party and did not drink but my parents caught me.
2006-09-23 04:00:29 · update #2
Problem is i dont think the perfect child my parents describe to everyone including themselves is me at all?
2006-09-23 04:01:29 · update #3
Never give into what a guy wants just to make him happy. Don't feel bad, it happens all the time, but just try not to get yourself into that compromising situation again. Hang around guys that are respectable but don't stress about finding a boyfriend. Foucs on school and your girlfriends. Bulid confidence by being who you want to be now that you're not with your parents. Bottom line: You can't find a guy who will respect you until you can respect yourself!!!
2006-09-23 04:03:33 · answer #1 · answered by Clare 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK……Good question.
I am an adult and I have an opinion on everything.
Some of this may surprise you.
You are only 18 and I know you feel pretty old and stuff but you are barely an adult. Life hasn’t passed you by, yet. One thing I think our country does and it is unfair, is they constant ask you what you want to be when you “grow up”…it starts in grade school and junior high (do they have those anymore?). They want to put you on career tracks when you are 13! But in reality no one knows what they want to be….they may have interests that need to be explored. Yeah, there are a few dorks who know they want to be lawyers and doctors but they are in the chess club. But for most of us, it isn’t good to decide so early. If you liker history and animals …great. Get good grades, go to college and do what you think you like…but don’t sweat that you don’t really know! People change careers all the time later in life so it isn’t a bad thing. But they tell you you have no direction! Get educated and learn how to think clearly and then the world will be at your feet.
Guys. Be yourself. There is ONE guy who may be forever. Don’t try to be someone you think they want you to be, because if he loves you he really wouldn’t want you to be anything except to be yourself and be happy.
Good friends are good to have. I told my kids and I do believe that you have VERY few good friends in your lifetime, and most friends just come and go. Being laid back is ok, no one has to be a social animal to be happy and complete.
Being shy is ok….I was and still am, and I’m (are you ready?) 55 years old and I’m having a blast! Shy people don’t like the pressure of the social thing. I couldn’t do stuff when I was a kid either, but now….I see how a lot of that was a good thing. I was a little less strict with my kids but they knew the ground rules, I didn’t let them do stuff because everyone else was doing it. They are all well adjusted and educated.
Everybody sneaks out and gets in trouble…I ran away twice…so what? And there is no perfect person and no perfect child…..all hogwash.
So, consider the values (think about that word) that your parents taught you. It was their job. Consider the strength of your family values. They have given you that and you will pass on the same someday. Try all the things you may think you like…history teaching animal care…and do it because you LIKE IT! You will do what you like the best! And if you change your mind…That’ fine!
Learn that your life is about (ready) serving others. Be a positive person in society. That will give you “purpose”, eventually. Don’t dwell on the negative and don’t let friends and “enemies” define you. Don’t hate anyone, even the enemies…..it drains you(and not them!). When you do some of these things you won’t have to feel you need to try to be someone else. As you grow away from parents you’ll do a lot more but they have already instilled in you those “values” and you’ll know what to do when you are faced with situations.
You have your whole life in front of you…..believe it or not…YOU ARE ONLY 18! Suck it all in. The rest will take care of itself!
2006-09-23 04:43:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, the ONLY thing worse than dealing with parents is not having them to deal with.
Here's the deal. You are a good worthwhile, valuable, lovable person just as you are you need not EVER change anything for anybody, anytime. How do I know that? Just by your question and details and loooonnnnng experience. You've been handicapped a bit by your parenting (we're ALL handicapped by our parenting--some differently than others) but that's OK. Steel yourself to not pretend, or put up false fronts, or fake anything, or be anything other than yourself. It's perfectly fine to be shy--very attractive in fact.
I'm an old man and you sound like a perfect daughter to me. Pursue whatever interests you as a career. History is great--think about getting a teaching certificate as that will be a rewarding field for quite a long time. Nursing will be good paying too if you have an interest there.
2006-09-23 04:39:39 · answer #3 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You actually know quite a bit about yourself! Which is more than some people twice your age know!!
You know you're shy, and that is not a fault, it's just what you're like. You know you'rer kind and I can tell you are thoughtful, and a bit philosophical too!
You are at an exciting point in your life, the possibilities are endless! You can try all kinds of things and see what you like or don't like. The great thing is that you are free to continue or stop any activity or behaviour that you try. There is nothing wrong with answering a question with, "I don't know, I never tried/thought about it."
Your parents sound like they care about you but it's time you start caring for yourself!! You will soon be independent of them and have your own thoughts and feelings that may not agree with their views. That's ok!
I tell my older nieces and nephews that if they really want to be independent of their parents, they need to be financially independent. You're independent of them and free to make your own choices once you stop accepting money from them!!
You are going to have a great life!!
Enjoy it and good luck!
2006-09-23 04:22:00 · answer #4 · answered by seaelen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So first of all, you're perfect for feeling this way -- there's nothing wrong with you not knowing who you are and what you want out of life.
I have an 18-year-old daughter who is also just starting college. Her best friend's mom recently asked her what she wanted to do in life, and her answer was, "I don't really know, and that's part of why I'm going to college, to find that out."
Who you've been up till now is, as you say, mostly a reflection of your parents' values and wishes. But from here on out, you have an increasingly greater say in who you get to be.
So there are two areas to work on in this regard. First is to notice when you are being a way that you learned or acquired from your parents and your past. You mention you're shy -- did something happen when you were young to make you decide to be shy? What was it? When did it happen? And most important... what gives that event the power to control your life now? Keep noticing when something you're doing NOW comes from something that happened to you in the past; it's not wrong, it's not bad, but it does tend to limit your choices.
Next, as you begin to get some freedom around the way that you act and react, you can start asking yourself other questions. If you don't know who YOU are... then who are some of the people in history, in your own life, and in the world today that you respect? What have they done that makes you feel that way? It could be historical figures, it could be political leaders, it could be a relative or a teacher or someone you know. But what is it about them that moves you, that makes you feel they've done something special with their lives?
What you're doing is embarking on a great voyage of discovery -- you've started the most crucial inquiry a human being can make: the inquiry into who we are. We are more than the sum of our actions and our choices; in some ways, who we really are is the possibility of what we are committed to achieving in life. And inquiring into that identity, that possibility and that commitment can be daunting, intimidating, and challenging -- but in the end you can transform your life, with your own hands on the controls.
My new favorite quote on exactly this issue:
"Enlightenment is never easy. It is frightening to leave our old selves behind, because they are the only way we know how to live. Even if the familiar is unsatisfactory, we tend to cling to it because we are afraid of the unknown." -- Karen Armstrong, "Buddha" (p.35)
2006-09-23 12:56:55 · answer #5 · answered by Scott F 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their are many adults that are still trying to figure themselves out, be sure of who you are by first of all being you, I was always worried about what group I settled in to or matched up with, and I ended up being a mix of everything, got a long with all the different clicks and didnt much care who might say junk about me it didnt bother me, just words, but I was comfortable with who I am.....My parents sheltered me extreme as well, I got to a point where I was so thrilled to mow my own lawn, how lame is that. Independance is a big step and its a first step to knowing the real you, good luck be safe and know that the only answer to who you are is within you.....
2006-09-23 04:08:23 · answer #6 · answered by lost&confused 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is YOUR time to find out who you are and what you want. Sit down and make a list of things you want to do...activities, travel, etc. The list can be made up of the simplest things and the most complicated. After you've made the list, start going down it and DOING some of these things. This will put you in touch with not only your feelings and who you are, but will bring you into contact with people who will like you for yourself. Always be true to yourself and trust yourself.
2006-09-23 04:08:29 · answer #7 · answered by clarity 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never be someone your not. You are someone...your you. Do you have goals or dreams? If so, work on those and everything else will fall into place. Just be who you want to be. If you like being quiet and shy then be quiet and shy. If you want to be more friendly then be open and friendly. If someone judges who you are or don't like you because of who you are, find someone who does. Go to community functions in your neighborhood. Volunteer for community functions. You will get to know plenty of people that way and find out who you are.
Good luck...and don't worry....we all have those moments in life.
2006-09-23 04:15:33 · answer #8 · answered by Bethie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only way to find who you are is to explore the world and your environment.don't be afraid to try anything new.Only way to learn is to fail and to fail is to not try.You are young enjoy it while you can.More you waste of your younger years not being adventurous more you wish you more adventurous as you get older.
Some know who they are some discover some never find out,don't worry about it find a job you enjoy and want to do only have things you really want and need.Don't surround yourself with trivial items just to make you happy for the time being.And keep good friends cause they can make anything bad good again.
Don't worry about your parents they are just being parents.They want the best for you but don't want to see you get hurt by life.
As for your boyfriends you will know who is right and not right for you just let your heart and gut feelings lead the way.
2006-09-23 04:23:32 · answer #9 · answered by J C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-01 06:53:43 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋