My fiancee and I are having huge problems and have been split for a couple of months, but we still live in the same house. It all started when he proposed in December and I was so happy to accept. As long as we were engaged, I was fine, but my mom and his mom and everyone kept asking when and where we were gonna get married and my mom wanted to start planning everything and I just freaked and started reconsidering. He quit his job as a new accts manager at a bank last July to persue his creative inclinations but then did nothing for the whole year, just spent all his savings, RRSP's, racked up credit card debt, borrowed $2000.00 from me (and I'm a university student who works part-time), hasn't paid it back. Is now looking for work (after huge arguments with me) but finding poor paying jobs. I've been really annoyed with that situation and it's bled into everything, I don't have fun with him anymore, we just argue. Our sex life hasn't been good for mths and I feel more like his friend
2006-09-23 03:05:22 · 37 answers · asked by Free Spirit 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You already know the answer to your question, you just need to confirm it. No, of course you shouldn't be thinking of marriage at this time. That doesn't mean you don't love him, and that doesn't mean that there isn't a future for the two of you eventually, but it does mean that the two of you have major issues to work out before you think of making him a lifetime partner. He should be settled in his career, and be financially secure. You don't need to start out a marriage in debt. Take a step back and allow him to do some maturing and follow his creative dreams, then in time maybe he will ready to make a lifetime commitment, who knows it may be with you. Don't put your life on hold waiting for him...Remember just because you love someone doesn't mean that love is good or healthy for you. Not all loves are meant to last for a lifetime. Follow your instincts and take care of you.
2006-09-23 07:03:49 · answer #1 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well....it's a good thing this is all happening before you get married. If you really do love him...support him. Don't you want him to be happy? I'm not trying to sound stupid, but obviously he is/was smart. He was a manager at a bank, so he has knowlegdge. What is he trying to get into? Maybe he needs your help to break into his "creative" profession.
My husband quit his full-time job to pursue a small business. Although the first couple of years were VERY rough and I felt like I was in the same position as you, we are doing much better with a little help from me.
If you truly think that he has no inclination to persue his creativity then cut him loose and let him figure that out on his own. Otherwise he'll resent you and you'll feel like his mom telling him to get a job.
It really does suck that we all can't just have great jobs that we love, but if you feel passionately about something and you want to try and pursue it he really should because think of the happiness he and you could potentially have later on.
I sure hope that helps and doesn't sound like a bunch of jumble.
2006-09-23 03:22:03 · answer #2 · answered by toobusy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At this point its pretty obvious you shouldn't get married. Who can blame you for getting annoyed with the whole situation!! He should of had a plan for his "creative inclinations" so he didn't spend all of his savings and have to borrow money from you. If you guys have split within the last couple of months then maybe one of you's should move out and see how things feel between you's that way. Good luck!
2006-09-23 03:16:34 · answer #3 · answered by jazzy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a tough situation right now. But do you really think getting married would be the best solution to your dilemma any time soon? Unfortunately, things had gone downhill in your relationship, but you're fortunate enough to see that before you two really tie the knot. I think that in this situation, other people such as your moms can spoil the fun in your engagement, but other things like financial difficulties can also stress your relationship as well. I really recommend that you do not marry this man. You should think of yourself first. If you're feeling unhappy now, imagine what it would be like once you two are married. Good luck and wish you the best.
2006-09-23 04:28:35 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please do not get married. Postpone the wedding until you two can get on one accord and discuss whether this relationship can be saved or not. If he is being irresponsbile about money now, then this is probably how he will handle money during the marriage. Please note, money is one of the reasons for divorce in the U.S. If the both of you want the relationship to be saved, then I suggest you all get pre-marital counseling which is very helpful by the way. If you all wish to end the relationship, tell your mother that you all were not compatible and there were things going on that made you unhappy which caused you to end the relationship.
2006-09-23 03:20:31 · answer #5 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really dont know what to say, but i can say that ypu are just a friend you said so in the begining of your questions you said :"My fiancee and I are having huge problems and have been split for a couple of months, but we still live in the same house." so that means you are just a friend.... and just tell him u can't go on marrying him until he gets his life on track.. tell him your putting forth an effort now he must! and your not going to be supporting him all the time! so hes got to find work and help out finacially... good luck!
2006-09-23 09:24:39 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
WAIT! did u not think there would be bumps sometimes mountains in the road? getting married means through good and bad times.. believe me me and my fiancee had a really really rough year sort of same as u he quit his job, we had no money, up to our eye balls in debt, sex life sucked u would think we hated eachother!! but strangley we stuck it out and a year later are closer now then we ever have been. im not sure what happened but we are great and now we maybe have a little fight and get over it cause nothing can compare to what we used to fight! so wait before u give up remember why u were so happy to say yes when he asked...dont give up but dotn move forward either yet! make it through today if u think its worth trying it all before giving up. but remember also that BAD times are going to happen and i mean BAD it makes u stronger if u survive them though i promise..good luck and dotn give up so fast
2006-09-23 03:14:12 · answer #7 · answered by toolate 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as though you have a full load of problems - sorry you are going through such a mess. It doesn't sound as though the two of you are currently marriage material. Part of the problem seems to be that you were living together before marriage - before a firm commitment. If it's time to cut your losses, move on......
2006-09-23 05:51:48 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really do not understand why you would let money get in the way of the relationship
is he trying hard or just pretending to look for work
the only problem i see is the 2000 he borrowed from you
you are still young can earn it back
mothers tell them you are getting married not them they planned theirs you have not
forget the money it works out in the end
2006-09-23 03:23:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u must be a girl with a golden heart. be strong and decisive, I do not understand that how come you still dream of marrying this man. u certainly deserve lot of love and affection. I advise you to visit places like Rishikesh, Vrindavan and Varanasi etc. in India to know real meaning of love marriage is not very important if you have a partner like your present boy friend.
2006-09-23 03:18:25 · answer #10 · answered by shravan s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋