My baby sister and her son are currently living with us. She got herself in a jam and burned all her bridges and when she couldn't pay her rent at the apt. she was living in I talked to my boyfriend and he allowed her to move in with us. She has a full time job and her ex pays child support. She only pays us $200 a month to live with us and she uses the house as her own. (only stipulation is no men are allowed over) She comes and goes as she pleases....only problem is she does nothing to help out around here. I cook and do the cleaning and the shopping. She eats the food I cook but won't scrap off a dish. She will throw a load of laundry in the wash and leave it there. Her kid leaves his toys all over the house and I pick them up. We've had a "family" meeting discussing the division of duties and she promised to help but I have seen nothing yet. I'm getting pissed off but don't want to make a big deal out of nothing. What would you do????
2006-09-23 01:36:37 · 15 answers · asked by WonderTwit 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Dr Phil put it eloquently when he said that you teach people how to treat you. Sure she is family but she is using you as a doormat. I would be speaking to her (at a time when you're not real angry & liable to go off at her form all this pent up frustration at the situation) about when she is likely to move out & set a date. Make it known that it's not her as such that is the problem but her actions of using your home as a place to get free meals, babaysitting & whatever else. I'd be clear that you're only saying something now because the last time you made mention of your feelings she disregarded them & you wouldn't like to do the same to her & lose your relationship altogether over this.
Best of luck, you have your husband to back you up.
2006-09-23 02:16:22 · answer #1 · answered by shirazzza 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry... so you basically have a grown woman with a child living in your home not doing a thing, and you're worried about making "a big deal out of nothing"??
The answer is for you to stop making her dinner, stop cleaning her dishes, pick her up if you have to in order to take her to the laundry area and shove her at the washer and dryer. Make her eat off of paper plates and/or put her dirty dishes on her bed. If she wont take care of her laundry, take the wet stuff she leaves there and put it on her bed. It's NOT time for another "family meeting" to divide the labor or discuss the situation. It's time for her to GROW UP and take responsibility for herself and her son. It's ultimatum time. Either she starts showing respect for you and your home (and give her a list of precisely what that means), or she finds a new place to live (and give a precise date that's only a week away).
People who get taken advantage of ALLOW others to do it. Stop letting her treat you like a doormat. Let go of the guilt you're obviously feeling. She was old enough to have a kid, she's old enough to stop behaving like one. She has a full time job, now it's time for her to get a full time life of her own without mooching off her big sister.
(you're pissed off because she's taking advantage of you... and you're letting her)
2006-09-23 08:44:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her again, with the stipulation that if it doesn't change she will have to find another place to live. I would offer to keep her son until she found a place (he should always have a roof. She's an adult she can take care of herself) and send her packing. Sometimes it takes tough love to wake people up. Unfortunately, sometimes even that's not enough to do it.
There are some people in this world that take advantage of other peoples generosity until the people stop letting it happen.(all of her burned bridges) It sound like she's one of these people. I'm sorry for you. But you're going to have to stand up for yourself if you want it to stop. If it's a big deal to you then it's a big deal.
2006-09-23 08:54:39 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would lay down the law. She is staying with you for pennies, and allowing her child to have run of the house. I would draw up a contract with her, setting bounderies and chores. Make sure it includes everything from shower time, to play time. She is an adult and needs to be held responsible for her own actions. Good luck!
2006-09-23 08:40:30 · answer #4 · answered by aawatson3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not "nothing", it's disrupting your own family and causing more work for you.
Discuss it with her again. If she still is not making an effort to contribute to the upkeep of the house, you may have to suggest that she find other living arrangements. Hopefully it won't come to that.
Good luck to you :)
2006-09-23 08:50:01 · answer #5 · answered by Avid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have another family meeting and express your needs clearly and listen to her resonse.
Plan a gradual lessening of priveleges for her, or a phased move out if she cannot comply with her responsibilities around the house.
2006-09-23 08:40:49 · answer #6 · answered by a_blue_grey_mist 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call another "family" meeting and state to her your concerns and give her a time period to which she can stay and be firm or else you will end up doing this the rest of your life or on one of those Judge shows on TV. Good Luck!
2006-09-23 08:40:52 · answer #7 · answered by natmys333 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe help her find a place of her own. She's got a job doesn't she? If she gets mad at you then let her be mad. She's behaving like a four-year-old and she'll only get worse if you allow her to stay at your place any longer.
2006-09-23 09:59:35 · answer #8 · answered by chocolatebunny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask her to find a place to live because u r getting uncomfortable with the way she is behaving and u don't like that she isn't doing anything to help out around the house.
2006-09-23 08:47:29 · answer #9 · answered by nick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got to tell her that its your house and if she wants to live there she's goin to have to help out, make it clear that you're not threatening her in any way
2006-09-23 08:40:27 · answer #10 · answered by f91 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋