I have a nine month old daughter, when I found out I was pregnant my boyfriend of three years told me that although we can't be together he will support me. I allowed him to attend the birth, he was about for a week or so, but did register his name as her father.
The problem is that we work in the same job, he has been off sick most of the year and I have only seen him once. he has paid some money through the CSA but that has dried up due to him not attending work. He had kept his family away but I contacted them and they have been terrific and very supportive, and generally love having the child to stay. I have arranged to meet him several times but he never turns up - think he loses his bottle. I accept that he is not going to be a father to the child, but my main issue is that I have just discovered he has literally moved across the road from me with his girlfriend. So whats the best way to react when I see him?
2006-09-23 00:33:43 · 21 answers · asked by kellytnolan 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Smile, say, "Good morning," or "Good afternoon," or "Good evening," and keep walking. Be polite. Be courteous (especially to the lady he's with; she is not to blame for anything that might've or didn't happen between you and your ex-). If she approaches you say, "Hello." and be nice. Tell her that you and she do not have to be enemies. Explain that you are no longer interested in him. Be polite. She may be your best ally in getting him to support his child. Tell her that you are glad that he found a pretty and very nice lady to make him happy and that you wish them success. If she ever asks you about your former relationship, just say, "Oh, that was a mistake from the beginning," and leave it there. Wish her a good day as you leave. Do not get involved in personality issues with her.
Keep his family in the child's life. Always win them over. Send them holiday cards, photos of the baby and call them and invite them to little birthday parties. Always wish them well. Make them love YOU and the child. They had no fault in whatever happened or didn't happen between you and your ex. Do not get involved in conversations involving him!
Maintain your dignity. Be polite. Make him wish he was still in your life. Do not make him your enemy. Wish him well. Wish her well. Be a proud, dignified lady at all times. Dress like a LADY. Be a lady at all times. If Child Support becomes an issue, go to Child Services. If he says that he can't pay, tell him to contact them and explain because it is not your responsibility, but his, and be nice but be firm, and if he wants to lower the payments and asks you, tell him to take it up with the court; at the court tell them that you need the child support as it is and explain your situation and fight for your child support legally, not emotionally. Keep that aspect of the situation always with legal means.
Show your child love at all times and your child will reciprocate. That is your main objective right now in your life. Make others around you envious of the way you love your child! Be everyone's best friend and they will always look out for you and your child! Good luck and very best wishes. You ARE a lady!
It takes less effort to live in peace than in disharmony.
2006-09-23 03:39:29 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just hold your head up with the grace of the beautiful woman that you are. If you bump into him, be cordial. You are going to have to deal with him for the rest of your life as long as you have a child together. Oh, and just for your own self esteem? Try to make yourself look as hot and classy as you possibly can. Not to win him back, but to make him regret ever being so stand offish towards you. Know what I mean? Make sure (in subtle ways) that he gets the message that you are much better off without him. If child support is an issue, do it legally through family court and if that doesn't work, then go to the Child support enforcement bureau. Stay in good with his family and whatever you do, never disparage him to them or your child. You will be the shining star. I promise. Good luck Sweetie. I feel for you, Just be strong. You will come out smelling like the rose that you are. :)
2006-09-23 02:18:24 · answer #2 · answered by sherijgriggs 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am currently 9 months and splitting with my baby's father of 3 years also. He just got a new girlfriend (before we split) So I know exactly how you feel! The y best thing I can say is make him regret it!! Act as though nothing is wrong. You don't even notice that he exists! I would ignore him unless he says something to you or notices you looking at him or something. Then just smile and wave and go about your business. It will drive him crazy that your over him and YOU don't want HIM anymore! Personally, I've decided to do what I need to do for my son and myself. If he fits into that great, if not I'm not changing anything to suit him, so too bad! I know I make it sound alot easier than it is. But hey you've always got a wall to cry behind after your out of his site. Keep your head up and remember HE's a pig, and you probably don't want your son to grow up to be like him anyway! If you need someeone to talk to don't be shy! babeechick69@hotmail.com or even better (I check it more often) myspace.com/babeechick
2006-09-23 00:45:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would regard the man as just a bull, not a father. No bull has ever benefitted from seeing its progeny. Leave the guy alone. He is just potential extra buggage to you as you try to rebuild. He will not be a father in any way so why worry about him? Keep a photo of him for your child's sake when she is older and wants to know, and also the name so your child does not go out with her genetic relatives in later life.
2006-09-23 07:14:24 · answer #4 · answered by Mai C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess be polite and allow him back into your daughters life if he wants if you put up barriers it will backfire when your daughter is old enough to make up her own mind. I dread seeing my step daughters mother she walked out 9 years ago and has had no contact since but she only lives 3 miles up the road, its unlikly my daughter will recognise her but i worry that if any sort of contact is made then biological mum will want to come back
I wish you all the luck in the world
2006-09-23 00:39:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not gonna be easy but the best way I reckon is to try and get things on a friendly basis. Saying hello to each other is a start. As long as there is no animosity between you and you keep focused on your daughter then things should work out. Good Luck.
2006-09-23 00:43:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow. That's going to be difficult to have them right across the street! If you can, though... focus on your baby and not so much on your own feelings. Your child deserves and needs a relationship with her father and hopefully he will come around and see the need to be a devoted, responsible dad.
Best wishes to you. This sounds like a difficult situation.
from a grandma-aged person
2006-09-23 01:07:57 · answer #7 · answered by PeggyS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hold your head up high and treat him as an aquaintance- you've bent over backwards to give him the opportunity to be a dad but hes obviously an idiot- I hope hes told his new girlfriend about the situation!- also if he can afford to move why can't he support his child!- to be honest do you really want such a low life in your childs life-
2006-09-23 23:45:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
in case you anticipate him to pay help, he would be entitled to common visitation-till you could actual coach his spouse is a probability to the youngster, you're S.O.L. The Courts will enable custody joint, and because she is conscious with reference to the youngster, your toddler would be used as a pawn in a terrible psychological torture strategies activity-the youngster isn't even here yet and already that's occurring! "sense that she will resent the youngster" - extra LIKE she will HATE YOUR toddler, she already does, she hates you too! in case you go with the youngster help, they are in a position to have your toddler and he or she would be the stepmother, and your toddler would be in a poor condition for something of its life. in case you do no longer choose the help, you're able to desire to be extra effective off dealing with childbirth and not naming a father on the start certificates-and being out of their lives continuously~ it incredibly is the place you're able to have been in any case. in case you call him as father on the start certificates-the court docket will for particular grant visitation. completed Deal. Your question is a tragic occasion of why people could on no account be in touch with married/separated men or women-and the poor outcomes to the folk around the circumstances. Adultery impacts everybody in touch-even those no longer yet born! call a help team, you will choose it. playstation -If she desires to be incredibly nasty, she and he would desire to actual petition for comprehensive custody in the event that they have a 'extra effective abode atmosphere' which regularly equals 2 mum and dad and funds to the court docket. be careful, see a lawyer.
2016-10-01 06:50:12 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh how horrible. My sympathies. However, your child needs the love of her father, so anything you can do to encourage that, will be good. Hopefully.
Be polite. He's weak and immature. That's his problem. Aren't you glad you're not in a relationship?
2006-09-24 02:57:34 · answer #10 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋