I've been married for over a year. My friend is getting married and I'm in her wedding. I've been finding that I'm jealous of her. I am grateful for my marriage and my husband. i've been praying and shifting my energies to something more constructive but I can't shake the jealous feeling. I also try to be the perfect bridesmaid and help her whenever possible because I want to do the right thing. But deep in my heart, I'm very jealous. I resent her planning an event that might rival mine. And I resent that we get compared by friends and family when I think we're very different. Ugh...I have issues. Help.
2006-09-23 00:33:35 · 25 answers · asked by tststs 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I know how you feel. I felt jealous of my friend when she got married and I had been married for two years already!!! I think it's just one fo those things. Don't listen to peopl einhere who are saying get over it. They are not in your shoes. You are human and are TRYING to be a good friend. Just try to do your duties as a bridemaid. Maybe you feel like your day is over and by going through all the motions with her it's like reliving it, but your not the star? That's kind of how I felt. Maybe we BOTH have issues!!! lol
2006-09-24 16:16:22 · answer #1 · answered by GiddyGiddyGoin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It appears that you are jealous of her because (according to you) you and your friendl are compared to one another by family and friends. First of all, stop the family and friends from comparing the two of you. I know you can't stop them persay but when they come in your face about what she's doing or what she has then give positive feedback such as "that's great she is doing this, I am so happy for her". Most of the time, the comparing will stop. Sometimes, family and friends will compare 2 people because they know that one person is jealous of the other (in this case you are the jealous one). Sometimes, family and friends may want to see you act negatively towards her because they KNOW you are jealous and some folk get a kick out of that. Secondly, you could be comparing yourself with her also. If so STOP. Think about what you are blessed to have (a good husband, wonderful family, good health etc.) and be thankful for what you have. Always remember, you block your blessings when you envy someone else. Get it together, be the supportive of your friend (without being phony), be the best bridesmaid you can be and STOP being jealous.
2006-09-23 10:30:45 · answer #2 · answered by Who me? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you don't have issues, you are human. As long as your behavior doesn't show your inner envy's, then don't worry about it. I think people forget that alot of emotions go into something like a wedding, for a long time you are the center of attention, but its like Christmas, its really pretty to look at and fun while the activities are going on, but everyone has a sense of sadness when its over.
You had a great wedding, you are in a place she can only dream about right now. Its ok to miss that but you seem to understand that you have moved one step ahead and she is behind.
Don't be afraid to have a private pity party(beat some pillows with a plastic or Styrofoam bat and call her stupid names like little miss poopy head). The idea is that you already know your feelings are childish, so play them out in a childish way and get it OUT of you.
Forgive yourself. It sounds like you are being a good friend and it will be over soon. Enjoy the wedding.
2006-09-23 10:03:10 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about this rival thing. You had your one special moment when you joined with the greatest guy in your universe, your husband. Remember how it made you feel when you walked down the aisle and when you said "I do". Now it is her turn. Let her have her moment, that's what good friends do for one another. As for resenting the comparison between you two, don't worry about that either. You know the difference and that's all that matters. The next time someone makes a comparison, sit back and smile. The laughs on them.
2006-09-23 07:40:53 · answer #4 · answered by blackwidow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it!. I've been to at least 10 weddings and the only people who remember them is the Bride & Groom. People will remember the nice or bad things that have affected them, not the weddings. If you begin to create a rigt then you may regret the outcome and will have lost a friend for life - I have personally seen this happen and its not worth it. Just play your part in the wedding and let her run with it. Its your friends weddings and not yours. On the day things may go wrong, but help her to fix them and you will be recognized for this and people will respect you even more then you will ever know.
2006-09-23 07:41:03 · answer #5 · answered by Raymond L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your more jealous of the fact that she's getting a new beginning i.e.her wedding and you, perhaps, feel like the "old married lady". Comparison serves no purpose to anyone, it just creates dissension. So what if her wedding is a big event, are you that small and self-centered that even a year later you want the lime-light to still be on you? Get over it. If you consider yourself to be her friend, let the petty jealousy go before it ruins your friendship...over what, one day in each of your lives!
A wedding is just one day, you each have the rest of your lives to get through, so let her enjoy her "big show" for the day she gets.
2006-09-23 07:41:17 · answer #6 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about how much you care for your friend and if you were planning her wedding, what kind of wedding would you plan...wouldn't you want her to have the best wedding you can imagine?? If you truly love her as your friend you would want this. She obviously cares about you a great deal to have made you her bridesmaid, imagine how it would hurt her to know you are jealous of her like this! You need to decide if this is the person you want to be....every woman deserves her wedding to be wonderful, yours is past and now its her turn. Jealousy is selfishness...be a friend and be happy for her!
2006-09-23 07:55:08 · answer #7 · answered by Shae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're very competitive with this woman, because you think she has something that you don't. Focus on what quality you think she has that you don't see in yourself. Then go about finding that very quality in yourself that you've never acknowledged, and bring it to the surface of your consciousness. Then when family and friends compare the two of you, you won't get so freaked out, because by then you'll know yourself better.
2006-09-23 07:46:51 · answer #8 · answered by Chatelaine 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Acceptance of your own life and being grateful for all that you do have.
Be happy for those who have what you don’t and as a motivational way to strive for that in which you don’t have. You yourself is in charge of the life you live and lead if you want more than what you have work towards it and don’t fret about what others have and that you don’t because there are people out there that don’t have the things that you do.
2006-09-23 07:39:05 · answer #9 · answered by 4mika 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's quite normal to feel jealous.
If you feel like her service is becoming better than the one you had, then tell your friend you wish your ceremony was like hers, this will flatter her and hide your jealously.Try not to be condesending though!
Why not try renewing you vows with your husband at your next anniversary? That way it takes your mind off this wedding but also anything she had better than you - you can outdo her at the renewal service - if it is that important to be better than her.
2006-09-23 12:45:09 · answer #10 · answered by tspoonteddy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋