To start with, I am a single mother of one. I have not dated in 3 years. I just started back dating. The last guy i was with i had real issues with him, he cheated and some other stuff and i stayed with him, and even a few guys before that. My problem is. I just started to date again, and i feel like i can't trust the guy, Don't get me wrong he's a great person. But i feel this way for any guy. I blam myself for this. Anyone know how i can help myself stop this and allow someone in my life without pushing them away? I really like this guy and i think i am pushing him away by not trusting him. Thanks ladies/getelemen
2006-09-23 00:26:43 · 14 answers · asked by Karen 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well being a single mom and have been cheated on before I know where you are coming from!
I had to learn first of all to be honest with them and let them know that I have a problem with trust and why?
Then I had to make changes in my self little by little. Taking baby steps to get over my fear of being hurt again!
You have to tell yourself first that you didn't do anything to be cheated on and you didn't deserve it. Therefore you are not to blame in your mind!
You have to give him a little space for him and for you to see how far you can go with your trust! This is the very hard, and you will feel anger, and jealous, and nervous, and your mind will be racing with all kinds of questions, but you have to do this!
Once you do this a few times and you see that he does come back to you when he says he will be back, and that he is not giving you any reasons to dought him, then you will learn to trust again!
Just remember this you can't make all men pay for something someone else did to you! I know it's hard but not impossible! I just had to look at it this way if someone else can get him then he wasn't worth having in the first place! You deserve his trust and he deserves yours. That is the biggest thing that a relationship is based on id Trust. Small word, but powerfull!
Wishing you The best!
Always Amy
2006-09-23 00:45:30 · answer #1 · answered by heart2heart27958 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to explain this to him, you don't have to go into great details, just explain your dating history enough so that he understands where the issue of not trusting comes from. Explain to him that you are working on it, that it's not him specifically that you don't trust, just perhaps your own judgment. If he's as great as you say, he'll understand and have the patience with you that you need.
Good luck, I've been struggling with this particular issue for years, but it does get easier over time. Ask him to let you know when he feels like you're pushing him away, then sit down and try to figure out why you're doing it.
2006-09-23 07:34:22 · answer #2 · answered by Laurie K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should sit down and have a serious talk with the guy you are dating so he understands where you are coming from. Trust is something that takes time to earn and your feelings are valid. Just know that you are human and it will take time for you to feel comfortable with trusting a male again. And that is perfectly find .. if he is right for you he will understand and help you thru these tough feelings.
2006-09-23 07:33:15 · answer #3 · answered by michelle05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to how you feel,coz Ive been thru something like that myself.Im really glad for you that you're back to dating,but the thing to remember most of all is that you MUST have confidence in yourself and your self esteem.Dont analyze the relationship too much,just try to relax and enjoy it,knowing that although its great having a guy in your life,you dont need a man to complete yourself,and if this doesnt work out there are always plenty of fish in the sea!! Good luck!
2006-09-23 07:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by one_angeldust 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think the reason you are having issues are you are getting too involved too soon.we tend to repeat our behaviors and we also tend to repeat our choices in partners, if you just take your time and maybe be alone for a while you may start to see these patterns of your own behavior and then you can break the cycle.it's really not the person we choose who is at fault it's us for choosing the same type over and over. time is the cure for all troubles, being alone is wonderful therapy.
2006-09-23 07:34:23 · answer #5 · answered by punkin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sooo hard to start trusting again after being dumped on so cruelly.
He has to earn you trust and that just takes time, take it slowly and trust will develop.
2006-09-23 07:31:01 · answer #6 · answered by Yellowstonedogs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He gave you a reason not to trust him. He cheated on you honey. He should be responsible for his actions. Don't be kicking yourself for his wrongdoing. Honey, dump his as*. Get with someone else is all I can say. Put your happiness first, selfish as it may seem but then this world is full of idiots
2006-09-23 07:33:01 · answer #7 · answered by brown_sugah064 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go slow. Tell him that you have issues with trust. That its not him, that you would like to go slow in the relationship, so that you can build up trust. It will work, but go slow and stay pos. not all men are bad.
2006-09-23 07:31:40 · answer #8 · answered by Jessica 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well It is probably do to your a single mother and the father of you child ruined it for you so just think back to when you dated before and it should help
2006-09-23 07:33:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just trust hime and be warm with him i hope you date with guy at the same leve if not men are very curious think about you child
2006-09-23 07:33:01 · answer #10 · answered by mohammad g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋