ok my gf already has a child(not mine) and i just can't seem to deal with her child, the little girls sweet and loves to play. and how can i take my gf out wen she don't want a sitter and i can't go on a date wit a 3 year old and her mum. i mean it just don't work. my gf don't want 2 hire a sitter but i can't keep. sitting wit my gf watching the rubbeadubbers wit her baby. i don't want to leave her help me plz!?
2006-09-22 23:48:47 · 31 answers · asked by *_Luke_* 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
ok she don't want a sitter coz she feels a bad mum if she does, the babys three she just don't want 2 b a bad mum. i no i don't get it either
2006-09-22 23:52:24 · update #1
Deal with it or move on. The two of them come as a package. If you can't love the daughter, you can't love the mother.
2006-09-22 23:58:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
This is a tricky one. First off I think your Gf is too attached to her child, I don't care what anyone says you need a break from your kids once in a while and even if its only for 2 hours. Has she got a trustworthy mother maybe the child can go and stay with her nan for a night all kids love that. Also if you knew your gf already had a child then you did know what you where getting into. Its not easy looking after someone Else's kid but if your thinking about this being a long term relationship then that kids going to be there every day for the next 13 years at least. So your going to have to come to terms with that. I say suggest the mother or sister babysitting and if it doesn't work then a romantic meal (that you've cooked yourself ) when the kids gone to bed will have to do.
2006-09-23 06:56:43 · answer #2 · answered by Jo. 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She probably feels bad because she's all the little girl has, no Daddy around so she feels she has to make up for it.
I'm afraid you don't have much choice in the matter, they come as a package and if you pressure her you'll drive her away. That child is her life and she won't understand why you don't want to be with them as a family. I think you just have to find fun things to do together. I'm not sure where you are but we have great kids places with giant ball pools, huge slides and indoor climbing frames etc. May be if you take them there and pay for the little girls to go in there for an hour you can get to sit and talk whilst keeping an eye on her. Not ideal but at least you can talk and sit together. How about treating your girlfriend to a really nice meal for a birthday or friends birthday, make up a foursome and blame the other couple for booking it, you don't want to let them down, somewhere that kids can't go and she'll have to get a sitter and she'll see it's not so bad after all. To be honest I don't like getting a sitter either and we do loads of stuff as a family but it's different for me as my son is my partners son too. You may have to succome to family life earlier than you'd planned.
Good luck. x
2006-09-23 18:43:15 · answer #3 · answered by t11omo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to find out why she doesn't want a sitter? Is it that she doesn't want to spend the time away from her child or that she doesn't know of a sitter that she can trust or some other reason? Maybe if you knew the reason, you could fix the problem. That being said, she's always going to have this child and the child should always come before you. If you can't deal with that, then you need to move on.
2006-09-23 06:55:42 · answer #4 · answered by cldb730 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there is no one that she trusts to look after her daughter, then there's not a lot you can do about it. I adore my children and while I would love a break from them once in a while, there is no one trustworthy that could babysit for me(aside from my mother who is not in good health)
What do you do in the evening while the child is in bed? I agree with a previous suggestion of planning a romantic evening at home with your gf. My husband and i still manage to have lots together time despite the occasional appearance of a toddler!
I think that you have to decide for yourself if this is a relationship that you want to continue and if it is,learn to negotiate with your girlfriend about couple time and accept that this is way its going to be. if you can't do that, then you should move on.
By the way, rubberdubbers are on during the day, do you work? Because if want take her out on a real date you'll need money! And of course you'll need to pay the sitter?!
2006-09-23 07:24:35 · answer #5 · answered by happy chappie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been dating this lady? If it has been like a year or more and she has never been alone on a date with you, she might be using the child as a crutch or an excuse not to get intimately involved (not talking about sex here) with you. She was probably burned pretty bad by the little girl's Father and now it is them against the rest of the world (including you). This isn't really anyone's fault, its just the way it is.
2006-09-26 09:17:23 · answer #6 · answered by blue fairy mary 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would move on, Luke. You're obviously not 100% happy in this relationship, and the longer you stay, the more bitter you will become. Also, I would consider the feelings of the child as well. As long as you are in this child's life, the more attached the child could become to you. This will be hard for everyone, but it's time to walk away. Your gf will never put you before her child. Things just don't work that way.... Good luck to you!
2006-09-23 07:14:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to me she sounds like a great mum she probably has it in her head that i had a child it is my responsibilty to raise it as i do. i will not get a sitter to go out with friends or to the club u met her and she had a child accept it or move on she is a package deal she knows it and as it seems to happen u dont if u r not ready for the whole package leave so she can find someone that is
2006-09-26 02:26:14 · answer #8 · answered by kell2117605 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a son when I was 20. It took me 2 years to feel like I deserved to go out with my friends. Shes just trying to be the best mom she can. It's very unfortunate she wont take a little time for herself, every mother needs it. Does she have relatives close by? She might feel better having someone she can trust to watch her girl. OR worst case senerio, shes not that into you and is hoping youll get fed up and leave. I hope its the first senerio. Good Luck Hang In There!!
2006-09-23 09:55:06 · answer #9 · answered by jessica s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok maybe you could suggest her leaveing the child with grandparents for a day as this would alow time for the grandparents to spend time with the child and it will also allow for you and your gf time alone. tell her she is not a bad mum if she does leave her child with a sitter. also just remember they come as 1 you want your gf you have to have her child aswell.
2006-09-23 18:22:21 · answer #10 · answered by mummy to 3 miracles 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should tell her how you feel, for a relationship to work you need time together on your own. If she wants too keep you then she will get a sitter. She's probably scared of leavin a child is there not any1 she can trust like a family member.
Good Luck n get ur date!
2006-09-23 06:53:43 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋