My exfiance and I planned this child he's 34 and his first. After basking in the glory of telling everyone he was going to be a Dad, he told me he wants me to have an abortion and the wedding is off. He has now put his house on the market and given up his well paid job to work abroad so I get no money. His dad has offered me support and says he is coward. I don't intend to let him see the child as Im sure it will be just to critise me, also he can pay the courts to show his commitment to being a father. I also feel he may say it's not his, which obviously it is, just to delay any responsiblities. What should I do? This has caused so much stressed I havent spoken to him for a month and im becoming ill. It is too late for an abortion and I want to keep this child as it will be loved, even though I feel for it having a dead beat Dad.
2006-09-22 23:21:36 · 13 answers · asked by oceanwaves 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Stating the obvious about doing it alone goes without saying, but contact who benefits the father's ego would won't pay or the child who's life is disrupted already by this creep?
2006-09-22 23:26:35 · update #1
1) Yes, he's a coward and a loser. I suspect that he is immature and now feels he can't cope with being tied to fatherhood (and you) for the forseeable future.
2) It's obviously not in your medical interest to have an abortion, therefore he has no medical, moral or legal grounds for saying that you should
3) Paternity can be proved very easily and he will be liable to pay you paternity benefit until the child is 18, whether he works abroad or not.
To help with the stress, try to jot everything down, then categorise into
- things you can do something about,
- things you need help to sort out (and do accept help from his father - even with the promise of paying him back when you can, if that eases your conscience.)
- and things you can do nothing about.
Do the first list, get whatever assistance you need for the second and forget the last list.
I feel for you. My thoughts are with you!
2006-09-22 23:34:35 · answer #1 · answered by Owlwings 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You poor old thing. Sounds like HE got cold feet!
Were you living with him in the house? If so, I would either refuse to move out or go and see a solicitor and see if you can get a charge put on the house so that he cannot sell it without coming to a financial arrangement with you. How DARE the yellow livered coward seek work abroad so that he does not have to pay for HIS child - what a sleaze bag.
I would take any offers of support from family and friends but whatever you do, don't use your baby as a weapon against him - it is not the childs fault and they will have a right and a desire to know who their father is - despite what you and the rest of us think about him.
Life is going to be tough for you - but you will love your baby - and sounds like you will have some support.
Just get and see a solicitor about property, finance and parentage queries which you seem to think will come up.
Lots and lots of luck.
2006-09-22 23:34:48 · answer #2 · answered by Sally J 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about having to raise 3 children alone? Forget him! You have a support group so please let them help you. Have a paternity test done and once he's shown to be the father petiton the courts for support. He is not per say obligated to see the child and you can't force him to accept him. You said the child will be loved and that's what important. My children grew up well adjusted and have never been in trouble with the law. You can do this on your own! Maybe, IF, this man becomes a mature adult, he will begin to show an interest in his child.
2006-09-22 23:29:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if he's refusing any kind of responsibility be it financial or just saying he's not the father then he doesn't deserve 2 see the child. my x was similar, we planned our son then he started beating me nearly everyday until i left when our son turned a yr old, he had never bothered with him when he was a baby and afterwards he'd ring me 2 see if i'd let him have our son 4 a while, he'd ring every few months then couldn't be bothered.
he's on benefits so i only get £2.50 child maintinence per week and is doing cash in hand work so he doesn't have 2 give me any more.
on a brighter note, i then met a nice bloke, moved in with him and we now have a 9month old baby and he's taken my first son on as his own.
just focus on the baby, 4get about it's dad, deal with any problem when u get 2 it. being a single mum is tough at first but it gets easier and u then learn 2 enjoy spending time with ur baby.
good luck darlin.
2006-09-23 05:30:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let his father help. It is his grandchild and you will need all the support you can get. Don't worry now about what what the child's father will do or say in the future wait till it happens.
2006-09-22 23:36:14 · answer #5 · answered by Clota 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can do it! If the man is such a coward, you don't need him anyways. If his dad has offered help, then take it. You need help and support where you can get it now. Do your best to stay healthy and think about YOUR beautiful child! Stay atrong and you will do well! Good luck :)
2006-09-22 23:32:14 · answer #6 · answered by XxbrooklynnxX 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as a bloke i can honestly say he deserves no contact with the child once born. take him to court and screw him for every thing he has what a b@5t@rd. I have three wonderful kids and if i could never see them it would cut me up. love the kid forget the bloke you will be fine...all the best
2006-09-23 08:47:31 · answer #7 · answered by elloboy33 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u could go it alone, its up to u you decide whats best for you he is a coward, i went it alone to i was married hubby went off with someone else i got there my family were great my daughter is now 18 am not saying its easy it is hard work, but u will get there
2006-09-23 00:29:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about him, but accept the help from his father, your child can at least get to know his/her father's family.
2006-09-23 02:04:32 · answer #9 · answered by mindrizzle 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like someone sucked u in, until reality hit. pls pls pls dont have an abortion, u cant blame and innocent child. someone should remove your ex's reproductive system and shove it up his ...
my sister had a similar problem. now she has found a great man who stepped up and took responibility for someone elses kid. im sure youll find someone
2006-09-22 23:26:50 · answer #10 · answered by zimmzimm 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋