I'm on the computer.
My boyfriend, instead of asking me to turn of the computer because he's ready to go to bed, says "I guess I'll go lay down in the other room since you are on the computer.
I say "It's OK. I'll shut it all down, now."
No response. He just walks out of the room. And I know he heard me!
No - I haven't been on the computer all day. I had been on for maybe 30 minutes.
He does this kind of thing quite often.
Is that passive aggressive? Manipulative? What?
2006-09-22 18:43:23 · 16 answers · asked by Smart Kat 7 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I haven't had a chance to get on the computer all day. I wanted to get on it earlier but he was on it. When he got off, I got on.
If "I guess I'll sleep in the other room" was his way of asking me to turn it off, that would be OK. But if all he was wanting was for me to turn off the computer, why did he continue to walk out of the room AFTER I said I'd turn it off!? That's what irritates me!
2006-09-22 18:59:29 · update #1
Well Kat, it's hard to answer a Q like that with such limited information. So I'll try to give some general observations (based on 38 years of marriage).
I strongly believe that every relationship has three distinct participants: One is him, two is her, and three is the couple. They need equal "status" and attention. If any one isn't getting their fair share, the relationship won't work (much like a three-legged stool with one short leg).
If your boyfriend is not getting his fair share of your time, then you have a problem. If he is getting his fair share but wants more, then he has a problem. If you each have plenty of your own time, but you're not spending enough time together, then the couple has a problem.
If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say he wanted you to spend some time with him (couple time) and was resentful that you were spending time on the computer instead of whatever he had in mind.
I'd suggest talking to him about balancing your individual needs and your "couple" needs.
If he's the right guy, this stuff should just come naturally.
2006-09-25 15:41:11 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he's just stating his intentions and carrying them out. If the computer is in the bedroom, he may be suggesting it should be somewhere else. Tough question. Needs more context. Is your attention to the computer more prompt and/or more intense than your attention to your boyfriend? If so, I could understand his feeling a little disdainful. It would be impossible to classify that behavior without the full context.
2006-09-22 18:55:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
to start off, it seems like your wanting him to tell you to turn it off? if you know that the case, work on it? a differen't time to work on your computer! why? do you spend your time on the cumpter every night? maybe he cant sleep with the lights or the light of the computer or typing? maybe he want's to go to sleep with you a the same time " in a clean way".. talk about it rationally and ask each other what you can to to solve this prob.
2006-09-22 18:53:56 · answer #3 · answered by listening to you 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Passive aggressive? Manipulative? How about considerate?
"Honey, I can see you are busy and I won't interrupt you."
Does he work? Is it late? The guy is probably tired.
Sounds like you are the one looking for a reason to start a fight!
2006-09-22 19:32:07 · answer #4 · answered by wroockee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
provided that we are the two [me and the burning relatives] people then i'd detect myself as (e) a freak . yet once you're making an occasion of God letting undesirable issues ensue to people [sturdy and undesirable] then you definately're giving the incorrect occasion , perchance in case you tried something such as you have been a robotic inventor and a robotic relatives grew to become into electrified . ROFL . Peace guy ,
2016-10-01 06:44:25 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what psychologically "technical" term(s) to append to that particular behavior, but in plain English it does seem somewhat abrupt, pouty, and perhaps more than just a tad childish. Hint: keep your eye out for this kind of behaviour; it usually "predicts" future trends that just might not be to your [long-term] liking.
2006-09-22 18:48:59 · answer #6 · answered by backinbowl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would agree that this is passive aggressive behaviour. Sounds like he is trying to control you through guilt.
I wouldn't consider this guy husband material until he grows up.
2006-09-22 18:52:14 · answer #7 · answered by bcwestcoaster 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like the computer is in the bedroom. If so move it elsewhere and see if he is still exhibiting the controlling behaviour.
2006-09-22 19:28:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Passive aggressive, manipulative & immature.
2006-09-28 15:14:46 · answer #9 · answered by leopardlady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like an immature cry baby.
2006-09-22 19:35:02 · answer #10 · answered by saturn 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋