Who are you?
You're not like usual.
What happened?
You're a unfamiliar.
Where on earth have you gone!?
Please say you'll return.
While you're gone, I just want to say...
I love you and hope you're the same.
(I'm a beginner)
What do you think?
2006-09-22 18:24:50 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ok here's one with more feeling.
Everytime I look you seem more meaningful.
The way we meet eyes and say hellos.
Your voice has a sign of security.
There's hope between each phrase.
We are sensitive and shy.
Like rabbits we procede with caution.
You are friendly and gentle.
I am frightened but continue.
Emotion cleans me dry.
With one quick move you back away.
All alone without you is strange.
I'll wait til you visit my way.
But until then you'll scurry.
2006-09-22 18:46:58 · update #1
needs a little work but thats a good start
2006-09-22 18:46:31 · answer #1 · answered by ineedya_00 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i guess its good for a beginner, but u could easily add much more intensity to it. This poem seems like a love poem, so i'm thinking htat your in love right now, and i'm sure that if you are, its very easy to come up with crative love poems.
something like this...
who are you?
i've never seen this brighter day
and so unordinary i wait
come back now cant you see
these eyes are watching
the days
and if words could only say
so much
my hope, my lust is drifting
oh but where have you gone!
where will you be!
i can only sit and wait
for this brighter day
and hope that you'll hear
when i say
i love you
and you the same
2006-09-22 18:40:17 · answer #2 · answered by fuzzy19 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cute, conceptual but needs some editing.
Not sure if you are talking to the person or thinking of the person here. That area needs editing.
2006-09-22 18:31:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm always yours!
i like to be real.
so much happened in my lonely mind
clearer i'm familiar to your soul
here on earth i'm in your heart
soon i will be there my sweet heart
i love you and hope you say the same again and again
2006-09-22 18:34:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's good . really good soon you'll be an expert. maybe more than an expert.
2006-09-22 18:28:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ok but it's not that deep as it could be.
2006-09-22 18:27:08 · answer #6 · answered by elipra91 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's great!!! You are very good
2006-09-22 18:26:58 · answer #7 · answered by ashton_rayzor 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋