How do you cope with suicide?

Question

I'd like to know how people have coped with losing someone they loved to suicide. If you're going to comment with some religious condemnation, please don't bother, I don't need to hear it and I don't agree. Intelligent responses only please.

Answer 1

My fiance shot himself (I'm a female) 23 years ago. I witnessed it. I have not yet gotten completely over it. You don't get over a person's suicide like you do a natural death because there is nothing natural about it.

Just like the loved ones of a murder victim feel anger and rage, so do the loved ones left behind when someone takes their own life.

After the rage comes the guilt. You look for signs that you might have missed, and you will find them because you want to. In being able to place the blame on yourself, it becomes a little easier to forgive the other person's death, but it can be awfully hard on the living.

Eventually, you come to a sort of acceptance, but you don't ever get completely over it. Again, it's because it was an unnatural death.

The best thing to keep in mind is that it's not your fault. It's just a tragic event that will forever alter the lives of those left behind. Hard as it seems, it does get better.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 2

I'm not the best person to answer this, but one of my best friends killed herself (ODd) when we were in college, in 1993. I was 21, she was 22. She called me the night/morning she killed herself, and I was already asleep (it was about 2:30am). I didn't answer the phone. She left a message on my machine, said she just wanted to say Hi. By 10:00am that morning, I had gotten the news. We had always partied, drank beer, smoked weed, took pills, etc., and when that happened, I went overboard. Became a raging alcoholic. I finally got sober in 1996, and I realized, since I had been drunk/high for so long, I never really emotionally dealt with her death. I had put it off by drinking and drugging to numb myself. This is NOT the way to deal with this kind of loss. I look back on it now, and even if I had been in a proper mental state, I would have still struggled with it. There is no easy answer to your question. Everybody grieves in their own way, and in their own time. In the past few years, I have gotten back into church, and I have learned that, despite what she and I may have been doing back then, we were both Christians, we just happened to have been young and strayed from what we knew was right. What we were doing on the outside did not effect what was in our hearts, what we knew was right. That gives me hope that I'll see her again some day. Don't let anyone condemn your loved one. None of us can judge what is/was in someone elses heart. If a "Christian" tries to tell you there's no hope, they're not a Christian. I still miss her, and think about her sometimes. It's been 13 years now. I don't suppose my pain will ever completely go away, but neither will my hope. Good luck.

Answer 3

Last year, my neighbor who was only 8 years old decided to play the suicide game. He had read about this on the internet and decided to take a dog leash, wrap it on the railing at the top of the stairs and launched himself down the stairs. I will never forget his 10 year old brother coming over to our house and begging my husband and I to come over and perform CPR. Unfortunately we got there too late and the boy was pronounced DOA at the hospital.

Unfortunately the parents had no clue on this and we have no idea how long he had hung himself before his brother found him. It was only in a space of about 15 minutes that this happened.

The family has been devastated. A loving mother has dealt with a surviving son who won't deal with the issue and the mother has had a nervous breakdown. They have moved away from the house due to the memories. The father can no longer hold down a steady job due to the stress.

The family has undergone counselling, but no matter what happens, the family has lost their middle child.

I don't know for sure what the solution is on this. Psychotherapy has not worked for this family. What helped my husband and I through this was prayer and it's been a source of comfort to us.

For this family, they have had a lot of love and support and they are slowly healing. But it will take time.

Answer 4

Some comfort may be found if the person who died may not have been mentally stable. I believe there's no punishment (from God) to the person in a case like that. However, I understand that there is grief, and unfortunately there's little I can do to take that away. My wife's father and brother were murdered, and she/we had to deal with the pain for a lengthy period.
If you didn't love the person you lost, it wouldn't hurt so much. But be careful to not stop loving others in your life.

Answer 5

I don't know if there's any single answer to that. I guess we just move on and try to learn something in the process. In the past 6 years I have lost my Dad, 8 close friends that I grew up with and 2 of my best friends. The last 2 were from suicide. I'm getting choked up just typing this. Dammit. Anyways I guess what I'm trying to say is that the death of a loved one isn't easy to deal with. When it's suicide it's even harder to understand. Maybe it's better to not try to understand? Just move on taking one day at a time. Don't let the death of a loved one, natural or suicide, ruin your life. You've got to keep moving on down the road.

Answer 6

This is a very painful subject for me & my Family. you see my Aunt who I Loved more then anything killed herself. she was the most Wonderful caring Beautiful Women to me she could do no wrong. but she was In very bad pain. pain that she kept to herself.

If only she would have told us we may have been able to help her. If only I would have seen the pain in her. i could have helped her. when she killed herself my Family and I were so shocked. even more when we found out how much pain she was in.

After her death I tried to kill myself. cause i thought hey My Aunt didn't care enough to work out her problums why should i even try. the thing is i was only mad at my Aunt for killing herself. and I wanted to get even with her. after a while the anger went away. then the sadness hit. boy did it hit. it is a pain that never ever goes away. it stays with you all your life. all the questions you keep asking over and over like why didn't i help her. why was she so hopeless. why why why?

After a while you start to understand. and I think i grew up faster. i now try and help anyone who feels like killing their selfs so no other Family has to go through the pain we had to go through. the only thing I can say is if you are hurting please please tell someone you Love let them help you. get help please don't put people that care about you through the pain of suicide. it will never go away never. God Bless. Sorry this is long.

Answer 7

My Dear,
I don't know. I only know I've been there more than once. Luckily I lived thru it. It was not anyone else's fault. That's what I want you to know. I just wanted the pain to stop. I didn't see any other way out. You can't blame yourself. With me, there was nothing anyone else could have done to stop it. I had a great councelor. I was in a panic. The pain and fear was unbearable. It was no one else's fault. When we loose someone we love, we still do have what they gave us and taught us in our heart and minds. No one can take that away from you. I'm sure they didn't know what else to do at the time. Can you hold onto the good they gave you inside? No one is to blame. I just couldn't take it anymore. I loved my family, but my mind was very tortured, and I didn't know what else to do. Do not blame yourself. I hope this helps. This wasn't done to hurt you.

Answer 8

I lost someone very close to me,(exactly year ago today) to suicide. it's one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. so many things you want to say and ask, and can't, then you go through a stage of being extremely mad, and again, no one to yell at. so you take one day at a time and watch as months turn into years.. I know that people say that time heals all wounds, but not always. time just numbs some of the pain.
I know this isn't a real cheery answer, but I know what you are going through.. and I have had a year dealing with it and I still hurt as bad as I did then, but I know that I can make it, one day at a time. and you can too, just hang in there and ask God to help you.

Answer 9

When it comes to grieving the loss of someone, regardless or the reason, there is no right or wrong. Different people react to death with very different responses. One of the biggest pitfalls with suicide is feeling guilty, the I should have known, I could have stopped them, etc. which is not true. Feel sorry that your friend is gone, realize that it was their choice, and deal with your grief in your own way on your own timetable. Don't let people tell you how you should feel or why you should feel a certain way. Its not their decision to make. Sorry for your loss.

Answer 10

there are those who believe that if you commit suicide, that you go to hell. while that may be, i dont think that God will condemn you for taking your own life...as long as you dont take others with you.

because most people have a mental issue, whether it be depression, fear, pain or simply a feeling of hopelessness, that person is still NOT in control of their own mind and i dont think God will punish those who cannot grasp their plight.

-eagle