I have a 2 yr old than doesn't talk yet and i am having trouble finding a disciplinary that works. help??

Question

My 2 yr old only knows the word 'no', so i know that he understands what it means, but he refuses to obey by it. he will test your limits and b/c i have been living with my parents for tha past two months, it has been very fustrating. he thinks it's a game sometimes and others...well i don't know. i try spanking (not hard enough to hurt), repeating words like "no", "stop", "don't do that". i am always nice at first (unless it is extreme), then i make my voice more stern and parental. i'm not really his best friend, that may sound bad but i read that it is a mistake to be your child's best friend. i think the problem is with his grandparents...let me explain: for 7 wks, luka was here in KY with my husband's parents (at the time he wanted a divorce and i was a week from delivering our second child) and they let him get away with alot of things. i came back and was the bad mommy. i tried to ask them to respect my rules, but it was no use. what should i do???

Answer 1

I'm a young father of a two year old boy. So believe me when I tell you this is normal behavior for our children. I'm not your typical lazy dad, before my son was born I checked out books from the library, read all the little pamphlets that they give you at the doctors office, and did a whole lot of searching the web so that I can be ready for my little guy. I also can relate because I too live with my parents for personal reasons, and it can be tough at this stage.

As far as the grand parents are concerned you and your husband should sit with his parents and discuss the things that your comfertable with and set bounderies as far as you wanting the way you want to raise YOUR child. Before you do that make sure you and your husband are on the same page though. Grandparnts always want you to succed as a parent, so they feel the need to intervine all the time. It can be annoying but in their own way they mean well. Hope this advice helps.

Now for your child, children at the age of two have so much emotion thats why this stage of thier lives is called the terriable twos. It can be frustrating for him/her because they cant comunicate to you and they dont know yet how to controle all these new feelings. This should lessen the more they get to talk and begin to understand things more differntly. What I find that helps us is time out. The reason being is when you spank a chid they feel like they can do it back, and that can be diffocult to try and stop.

A genarel rule of thumb for time out is how ever old the child is should translate to who many minutes you have them in time out. For example my son is two so I'll have him in tim out for two minutes. When you put them in time out let them know what they did wrong and explain that if they dont keep on doing what they did wrong then they dont have to be in time out. This way they can relax and calm down. After every time out I tell my son that I love him and that Im not doing it to be mean, and I also remind him what he did wrong and tell him not to do it again, and then give him a kiss and let him play again. Hope this helps, but remember every child is differnt and if this doesnt work. Just keep on trying other ways until you find something that works. Good luck.

Sorry if there are any miss spellings I dont have time to proof read this.

Answer 2

Don't dicipline your child for not talking, no 2 children begin to walk, talk, or crawl at the same age. He will talk soon enough. Remember this is your parents house, they may not have the same rules as you, try not to discipline the child for something they let him get by with, this is unfair to the child, in your home you have total control of the rules that are to be set, but not in someone elses home.
OK, 1st thing you need to do is move out on your own. I lived with my parents after a divorce with a child around that age, it does not work. My parents would not respect my rules either and this only hurts the child in the long run.If you let this continue until school age the child will assume they can get by with the same rules at school which = more heartache.
I assume you are divorced ?
If you are having financial diffuculties here are some suggestions........These are not for long term but will help you get a start.....1st find your Housing Authority Office, if you do not wish to live in Housing Projects or Apartments, ask to apply for HUD and ask for a list of houses listed with HUD,the HUD program will pay for most or all of your rent, you will need income to pay for deposits on electricity and water, I'm not sure about deposit on house. You can apply for other assistance such as daycare while you look for a job and after you go to work.
Your best bet is to do something RIGHT NOW.
The child is getting caught in the middle and he is not old enough to understand what is going on between the adults, it is really cruel that the grandparents are doing this, but that's how it works most of the time, so be the better person and let things go if your child is not in danger of being hurt and make your move asap.

Answer 3

Hi

On the language side of things, the American speech hearing association recommends taking your child to a speech pathologist if they are not speaking multiple words by age two.

I know someone above has said that "my child didn't speak until they were four, now they're a college grad", however this does not work the same way for all children. Many parents would say, "my child didn't speak until they were four, and now they're linguistically delayed.

I'm not trying to scare you, coz kids can easily catch up with help, but be aware that the "it'll be fine" approach doesn't always work.

A speech-language pathologist can assess their language and behaviour to determine if the delay is significant or if it's just because of the emotional circumstances. They can also give you tips on how to stimulate language.

I am currently studying speech pathology at university, so maybe I'm a bit biased. But I do know that most children are speaking two word sentences by age two. Yes of course kids can catch up - some of them will by themselves, some need extra help, and in some cases they may not catch up to age equivalent norms.

Answer 4

I know how you feel, my daughter was horrible at 2, even at 3. I thought that things would never get any better. I lived with my parents and it seems like when I would say no, they would let her behind my back. I had to explain to them that she was my child and that I couldn't do my job and be a good parent if they kept on letting her get her way, I even threated them that they wouldn't be seeing her after I gotten my own place if they couldn't respect my rules. After a few times of letting them know where they stood they let me handle things the way I wanted to. It may sound harsh, but I had to get the point across. Yea, she can still be a brat, but a good time out helps. She's going to be 5 in March and things are getting better, but I try to remember she's a child and all children try to see what they can get by with. You have to make the rules and stick with them no matter what.

Answer 5

You should try getting down to his level eye to eye and explain what he did wrong and give him a time out or toy taken away or no TV something like that until he can redo his actions to be right. If he has visitation with his father or other family members unfortunately you can not tell them how to parent the child I know in WA you can't, so you just need to really in force your rules when he is with you and since you are living with your parents, this may sound mean but you need to let them know your rules and discipline and tell them not to interfear with your parenting.

Answer 6

how many times are you telling him to do something before you take action?
A common method of "discipline" is couinting to three- all this does is TRAIN the child not to obey the first or second time you tell him- by the time you get to three you are frustrated and angry and your child is complying for the wrong reasons- losing respect and your word is now decreased in value.
This is the same if oyu repeat oyurself several times but do not take action.
You need to train your child to obey you and submit to your authority- the first thing is consistancy- if you discipline 9 times and not the 10th then they will constantly be looking for that itme when they can get away with it- EVERY time oyur child does not comply, action needs to be taken.
don't be afraid to spank, only on the bottom and he needs to feel it, otherwise it is a game- you might as well tickle him. He needs to understand that defiance brings pain, and better it be at oyur hands where it is tempered with love and mercy, than for him to be trained to continue in defiance and as an adult feel the pain at the hands of those that don't give a rip about him.
Tell him- 2 years old is old enough to understand , and even if he does not understand verbally- he will begin to understand when you take firm and consistant action. Disobesience is a form of disresepct and defiance. I will tell you one time to do something. If you disobey there will be an immediate and painful swat on the bottom- other things that are effective are time out- you must be firm and set a time and stick to it, every time he gets up before time is up - start the time over, taking special toys, movies , etc away, loss of television time.
You can order these things according to the level of disobedience. Let the consequences match his action- let the consequences speak to him so you do not need to get frustrated or angry. Take the toys or movie time away and do not give in and give them back in 5 minutes- take it away for the day or the week- keeping it in sight but out of reach may remind him of the loss and the behavior that caused it. DO NOT threaten these things and not carry them out- when he does not listen the first time , dont threaten " if you don't do it this will happen- it needs to happen now because that will just train him not to obey the first time again and he will continue to see how far he can push oyu and how true you are to your word.
It takes extra effort and time but it is worth it.


As far as your inlaws- they should be respecting oyur rules and standards for raising your child- you might try to explain these things to them and what you are trying to accomplish, maybe come to an understanding about how certain things are handled- set ground rules for individual things- but oyu cannot force them to do the right thing- you may just have to do your best until you can get out on your own

Answer 7

Your child is 2 right? I don't think that a 2yo really tests limits...I would question the understanding he has of the word. I would also look at the attention you give your 2yo when he is not respecting your rules. I would also look at what you expect your child to do and research if the expectations are age appropriate. A 2yo thinks that getting your attention is fun...and doesn't understand a lot of what goes on in a grown up world.

Answer 8

Adjust the limits....move the "no-no" up higher.

Adjust your feelings.....he is 2 so he is testing limits. He will keep doing so for up to 2 more years.

Do not hit your child....that will build mistrust later. There are a lot of more effective punishments than hitting. At 2 try "Disapproval" with time outs.....a 30 second period of time out with mother's dissapproval is very effective.

If others in the household cannot conform to your parenting then it is time to make other plans. I know it is hard to move but the other option is to just give your boy to the in-laws.


I really wish you luck, because I was never able to move so now my In-laws have my kids.....they filed against me for "abuse" and kicked me out of the house.


Sometimes....life sucks.

Answer 9

Here is the trick that I use with my three children and it always works,I take away his or favorite toys or food if my kids do not obey me.I do not care if he or she can talk I teach them all my signals as such Yes and No. I give his or her toy when they listen to me and I take away their favorite when my kids do not obey. Make sure you are firm with your child and do not spank even though it is a touch. Kid is smart and acts out if we hit them and you need to be nice all the time and always tell him you love him. Kids love when parent praises them. Now you have to start over again to retrain your child and ignore your parents or in laws and try to spend time with your child as much as you can. You are a super mom and You can do.Good luck.

Answer 10

Just because he doesn't talk doesn;t mean he can;t understand you. He knows anger.

You'd better get that kid to respect you or you've a long road ahead of you. The best thing my folks did with me at that age was to teach reasoning and judgement: "Don't do that because this will happen" not "No because I said so"

If he's abusing something, take it away.