Do I have the right to discipline her? Her mother has custody of her and the "dad" just has visitation. They were never married. She and I are married.
2006-09-22 17:28:00 · 21 answers · asked by kelvin_tx 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
My stepdaughter is 3 years old and her mother has custody, the "dad" has visitation. The mother and are married and agree on the disciplinary actions we take with my step daughter. The "dad" however does not agree that I should be a part of disciplining her.
2006-09-22 17:49:45 · update #1
Sadly you legally have no rights but being the husband and being the dad that is around all the time, not having you discipline is a joke. For discipline to work at all it has to be constant and mom can't always be there or have the energy to deal with the little one. I say step on up and do what you can. Though the father might not like it... to bad he isn't there all the time plus you are a step DAD. It is your job, don't let him interfere with doing all you can to raise the little one right. Good Luck.
2006-09-22 18:34:14 · answer #1 · answered by Erin B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Step Father Rights
2016-12-18 07:13:53 · answer #2 · answered by heinemann 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have full constitutional rights, insofar as the father of the daughter has no legal claim whatsoever over Mother and Daughter.
You do have the right to discipline anyone under your roof: except when applied to persons of a legal recognised age, disputes go to court given that persons involved are mature and sufficiently responsible to engage in rational thought and account for their own actions.
The question is really how to discipline her with the Mother's consent, and more importantly, support. If the child is respectful of her Mother, she is more likely to agree to come to a compromise.
Bring her Mother into the picture first. You may not be aware of psychological or other issues that only the Mother is aware of. It is good to enquire and find out all about the daughter's history. It is also good to know from her teachers her behaviour at school. With this, you should be able to make better decisions through discussion with her Mother, and agree upon what you may as equals in a partnership: afterall, marriage is about congenial compromise that includes all under the same roof.
If things go south with you hot under the collar with her biological father interfering, you should note some legal claims issues:
- Supervised visitation: non-custodial parent may not spend time alone with the child; fixed time and place.
- Bearing in mind, visitation rights may not be denied to the non-custodial parent, despite not paying child support.
- Non-custodial parent may seek a court order defining visitation rights. Violation will result in the custodial parent being held in contempt of court.
2006-09-23 07:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by pax veritas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since the mother has custody of the child and she is married to you you have the right to discipline the child, however her birth child has the right to have HIS input in how the child should be disciplined. It is best for the child if all three can agree upon what course of actions should be taken in the way of disciplining the child, this way every thing stays on a consistent and even level and there are no questions, or no playing one against the other later on.
2006-09-22 21:34:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not about "rights" or custody, its about your family's communication; especially your wife! You and she need to come to an agreement..you both live there and need to show a united front even if sometimes you disagree on how to handle problems. If she has been too lienient, or leaving it up to you, then you need to deal with her and help her learn another way. You live there too and may need to prioritize the things that really bug you. Pick a few things to work together on.
You are not the dad and the older the child, the more they will point that out! If it is a teen, I would say back off or you will have a run-away on your hands.
2006-09-22 17:37:02 · answer #5 · answered by atheleticman_fan 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The step-parent has a say in discipline, but the biological parent ALWAY has the final say. So basically, step-parents can't discipline their step-children. Best leave the disciplining to the mother.
2006-09-22 18:09:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is between you and her mother. The two of you only. I am a soon-to-be-step-mother, and the birth-mother has visitation, and we have custody. My fiance gives me permission from time to time to spank if need be if he is going to be gone for a long period of time. Then again, I am their.... MOM. I am the one raising these kids. They are with me every day and night. If I didn't discipline, I'd have a mess on my hands. So... between you and her, you probably don't have to do much in terms of discipline except the talking part, and relative consequences. If the kids were mine, and my husband was their step-father... I'd throw a fit if I found out he was spanking them without my prior knowing on each occurrence. So, talk it out with the mother. The Birth Father might kick your *** or take you to court if he found out you were spanking. Discipline.... Of course. It's your house, your rules, and she must live by your rules if she is going to live in your house. You must talk the rules over with the mother. AGAIN>..... this is not a question for yahoo answers... TALK TO THE BM. ;)
2006-09-22 17:37:21 · answer #7 · answered by jennilaine777 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It kind of depends on what age your daughter is. If your daughter is under 6, she is going to look up to you as her "dad". You are the one that is ALWAYS there and is her provider. I would say you have every right to discipline her. You and your wife should come up with a set of disciplinary rules and explain them to her. This way she is always aware of the consequences when she doesn't something wrong. Make sure you and your wife agree on it, and I would treat her as though she was your biological daughter.
2006-09-22 17:31:44 · answer #8 · answered by ~aShLeY~ 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
discipline is not some horrific thing that 'strict' parents do .. it's showing that you care. children will realize this later on, whether they like it now or not. ... the biological father OBVSIOUSLY doesn't or didn't care enough in the first place, so why should he have any say in how YOU act or treat them? sure he has equal 'fatherly' rights, but ... if he knew what was best in the first place, the situation wouldn't even exist.
this is just coming from someone in that child's perspective, only, all grown up and get's drunk calls from the biological dad every christmas..
2006-09-22 19:56:06 · answer #9 · answered by some dude 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have the same situation, my son is 10 and my husband is not his biological dad...You do not have any legal rights to her since you haven't adopted her, but you and wife need to sit down and discuss discipline and who will handle it(if both)and how it will be handled. It also depends on the child's age...if she is young, then you have a much better chance of her not resenting you. It is very hard for an older child to accept someone else who is not their main parent(biological that is)setting limits and rules. Good Luck.
2006-09-22 17:34:21 · answer #10 · answered by **KELLEY** 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋