um...drunk bf but he's more than a drunk to me want to help him but how do i do that?

Question

I wouldn't bother asking a bunch of strangers if I wasn't in deep **** or really desperate. I'm 15 and iv had this friend (16). Where really tight so anyone who tells me to give up on him is wasting there time. His mom died of cancer when he was 9 and his dad got into alcohol. Anyone with common sense could tell something was ****** up in that house. Than the marks got worse and he was getting beat everyday with something. Last night we had a party at his house and things got broke like at all parties. I didn't know he was going to be in the emergency room. His dad said he fell down the stairs it didn't make any sense cause corey had marks from a metal pole and a belt, falling down the stairs doesn't do that to you. The hospital looked past it because his dad was the one that called the ambulance. When it happened he was helpless cause he was drunk. So when he was in the emergency room I asked him about his dad. I told him that he’s got to call DYFS of something. That didn't make him happy because he had big plans and that would **** it up for him. We started screaming and yelling, nothing new. Than i said, “corey your just like your ******* father” and he pushed me aganst the wall than he realizd what he was doin. That was the only time that's ever happened. The problem is he's becomin his dad, drunk and abusive he's so much more than that. He's got goals. He was the one that freaked about it, got in his car, and drove to the middle of nowhere. They found him passed out drunk laughing sayin how he was never going to drink again. I have a lot of questions but now that he's at home again with his dad i gota no what the hell do i do to help him? If this is abuse what will happen to him if his dad’s arrested? Why was he so upset after he hit me and why did he touch me like that? Sorry it was so long this is the summary...

Answer 1

honey, your friend may end up hating you for a time - but you HAVE to make the call yourself. tell them all you know. every incident, EVERYTHING.

Get Help Now
Call the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD

The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

talking to a school counselor is good. they are required upon knowing of any suspicion of child abuse/neglact to report it to dfs/dphhs. it is the law that they do so.

as far as why did your friend attack you? well... it is learned behavior and as much as he knows it is wrong... he needs therapy. to learn some anger managment techniques... he can choose to not be like his father, but it's going to take some work to undo the damage his father has created with him.

if you love your friend, you'll do what you need to to get him the help he needs and deserves. he will appreciate it someday. it's the only chance he has to make those dreams a reality. i don't mean to be harsh, but his dreams aren't going to come true if he's dead. and from the sounds of it, his dad beat him up pretty bad. it had to be bad if dad was scared enough to call an ambulance himself.

Answer 2

There are several issues going on here. I would recommend that the local children's aid society be contacted. Let them investigate and determine if there is abuse in the home. I'm concerned that at 15 and 16, you both are having a party at his home. You shouldn't attend these functions with him because in doing so, you are only condoning his actions. I am sure at your age, there can be lots of other fascinating and fun things to do. Use your imagination! Look in the phone book for Al Anon. You can attend and discuss the situation one on one or within a group. They can best advise you how to cope. They usually have teen sessions available. He can only help himself. You can't force him to get help or to stop drinking. You can distance yourself when drinking is involved. He may care deeply enough about you to want to spend quality time with you as opposed to drinking. It does sound like he needs professional help - but he has to make that decision on his own. Perhaps obtain some literatur and leave it at his house - he may just read it when you are not around - at least he will be aware of what steps are available to him when he choses to get help. Word of caution for you - do not tolerate any type of physical or emotional abuse. It will only get worse. You are young and should be enjoying life - not encountering situations like you've discussed. Your school guidance counsellor may be able to offer you some advice/assistance. Be sure to use their services. It should be a free service. They are use to dealing with teens and are probably very aware of what is available within the community. These are all very serious issues. Take the time to explore all possible avenues and chose one that you are comfortable with. You seem like a bright person, recognizing the problems and are eager to search for solutions. Don't give up the great attitude but don't bring yourself down due to his lifestyle either. Best of luck

Answer 3

You are one heckuva friend, girl. I wish I had some friends like you. Anyway, as far as his drinking goes, there isn't a thing you can do for him. He has to do it himself, and there is no telling how long it will take for him to come to this realization. It sounds like he is feeling sorry for himself, which is understandable under the circumstances, but there comes a time when you gotta say enough and snap out of it.
If he is being abused he probably won't report it himself. You can help him by taking the fine advice above and report it to someone who can help him. He will probably be really pissed at you for awhile, but hopefully he will come around to seeing it was because you love him and want him to have a better future.
If he gets abusive with you, whether he is upset or not, you put your foot down and don't allow it. It starts small and gets big. You don't want to be around when big happens, and he needs to know, without a doubt, what your boundaries are.
Best wishes, and I hope he gets the help he needs.

Answer 4

Kara T-this is too much for you or any 15 yr old to resolve-youa re not God and even He could not help this situation unless those involved wanted to help themselves. I feel so sad about all this and for you-as you said, you feel so helpless. You can't just walk away from what your bf is going through but be careful that you don't bring violence upon yourself as this father sounds like a bomb waiting to explode-and to an extent has already. Take care.This whole situation needs someone wise and trained in this volitile situation. Frankly, from what you write about the bf-he sounds even more out of control drunk or sober-do you want this to be your life for the next umpteen years when there is some guy out there worth your while who has control of his life and is going somewhere. Don't miss out by a bad decision now. marlyne B

Answer 5

tell him the effects of alcohol and tell him that people care for him much more when he isn't drinking. I know you can't follow him around everywhere, but make sure he doesn't drink or tell him he can only drink 4 times one week, then 3, then 2 until its only once a week then tell him to try a week without drinking if he doesn't drink mabe you can give him a prize.( I know, it sounds like a little kid) there are also places he can go for alcoholics.

Answer 6

Dad needs help and Corey needs some counseling. Try talking to a school counselor who may be able to point you in the right direction.