Yeah, I'm seeking more advice because I'm about as decisive as George McClellan with an advantage to press. I really want to at least befriend this very pretty girl I met at orientation a while back, but she seems very shy. Though she seems like a nice person from my limited experience, she has a very small circle of friends(her roommate and suitemates, 3 in all). I'm afraid that chasing her too hard will spook her into withdrawing herself entirely, but at the same time doubt she'd take the initiative herself if she wants a relationship(thus effectively putting the impetus on my indecisive, overthinking, still-pained shoulders), due to factors I believe I understand all too well. Any tips?
2006-09-22 16:32:20 · 18 answers · asked by Elminster 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Yeah, I'm seeking more advice because I'm about as decisive as George McClellan with an advantage to press. I really want to at least befriend this very pretty girl I met at orientation a while back, but she seems very shy. Though she seems like a nice person from my limited experience, she has a very small circle of friends(her roommate and suitemates, 3 in all). I'm afraid that chasing her too hard will spook her into withdrawing herself entirely, but at the same time doubt she'd take the initiative herself if she wants a relationship(thus effectively putting the impetus on my indecisive, overthinking, still-pained shoulders), due to factors I believe I understand all too well. Any tips?
Eh...always seem to leave something out! We're sophomores. I didn't see her at all last year due to living in seperate quads. I know where she lives and have her AIM address(she's practically never one.) My initial goal is friendship, though I cannot deny that she has a beautiful smile...
2006-09-22 17:06:38 · update #1
Your right about pursuing to hard, I was very shy in High School. It was hard to figure out what the guys intentions were when they ask me out. I wasn't ready to go as far as most of the girls in school had already been. And I didn't want to be put into the position of having to say NO. So I tried to date out side of the High School I went to. I know it sounds crazy but I felt alittle safer with guys that I didn't have to see every day at school. Maybe that's something to consider with her, she may not feel comfortable dating someone she sees every day. She's probably afraid that if something doesn't work out you'll spread rumors about her and she'd be embarrassed by them. You need to win over her confidence first by being a good friend. After a few weeks when she feels more herself around you ask her out to dinner and a movie. She needs to know that your not going to push her into anything but she has to realize that on her on. You may have to have lunch a few times and make your first few outings short and sweet. Open the doors for her and pull out her chair for her when she go's to sit down. Small things like that will help to break the ice. GOOD LUCK.
2006-09-22 16:56:40 · answer #1 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just open the communucation up at first by talking to her about something you have in common. If you have a class together ask her how she did after a hard test, or what she thought of an interesting lecture. You could also offer to trade notes and study before a big test.
If she is shy like I am, a great way to get to know her is to do something with a small group of people she feels comfortable with and doing something like a movie or bowling.
2006-09-22 16:40:12 · answer #2 · answered by Little Red 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out what she likes. Say hi when you see her. Show her that you are interested, but don't be too bold yet. She will probably withdrawal herself. Just start random conversations and try not to make it too awkward (you have complete control over that). Slowly approach her, try to get her to open up to you. Convince yourself that all you want is friendship for now that way you dont come on to her in a really suggestive way. Then once you have established a relationship start asking her to go to do things with you. You'll know if she is interested. Just take a risk and make the first move.
2006-09-22 16:37:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't pressure her! It's the most important thing. Start slow so that she can at least start noticing you (if she hasn't already). Say hi to her and be polite. Don't try and show off that will definately push her away. Find out what she likes and be mature about it. But whatever you do dont go romantic on her at all. Get in to your head that you just want to be friends with her and after you've accomplished that you can see what goes from there.
2006-09-22 17:18:55 · answer #4 · answered by **Andie** 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
alright, don't come on too strong. Just joke around with her, and be yourself. Don't even be the least bit romantic with her. You need to befriend her first. If you give her any reason to think you like her and she doesn't return the fealing, she'll withdraw and you'll lose friendship with her. Just talk to her when you see her, ask her how she's doing, ect. Get to know her. When you find out something you guys have in common, use that to your advantage. Ex: you guys like the same band, "hey did you hear that they're coming out with a new cd, or did you hear that they're doing a concert here?". Then if she seems excited about the concert you could say something like man I don't want to go alone, would you wanna come with me? Just play it cool. I've messed this up before myself and have came on to strong, they can figure out from suttle hints that you like them or not.
Best of luck.
2006-09-22 16:40:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hopefully one day you'll be able to show her this question so you can see the smile on her face. =)
Anyways, for starters this isn't a pursuit. Stop thinking of her as shy, and don't try to make her your girlfriend. Sure she's pretty, but if you stare at her she's going to notice since she is used to people not looking at her. And that would be a bad thing for you by the way...
You're going to have to show her that you are a genuine person who just wants to be her friend. From this point on it gets hard to give you good advice since I don't know if you're a kid in highschool..or if this is college..military..I have no idea, and this is important to know. I'll assume college. If you already know that her friends also live with her then that means that you must live in the same dorm as she does also. It also sounds like you just started college with her, so something you have in common is that you're both freshmen. Find out what her major is. Try to help her study if she's enrolled in any tough classes.. I can only guess that you're not in any of her classes though, so that avenue of approach is gone.
If all you have in common is a weeks old orientation..then it may be best to just let go. Consider it from her perspective. She doesn't remember you! If you just show up all of a sudden she is going to wonder about a few things such as "where did this guy come from and what does he want with me?"
Are any of her friends in your classes? If so, then become friends with one of her friends. That would be a definite route to clear the way to get to know the girl you want to know without it seeming weird.
Do you know her name? If so try to look her up on myspace. If she made a profile, she may have also put her contact info such as email on there. If that is the case then email her. I know it seems direct but go ahead and write her a letter. Tell her about what you saw in orientation, and tell her the truth that you think she seems like a nice person, and that you would like to hang out with her sometime since you're both new to the school.
If you see her on campus I think it would be ok for you to tell her this in person if you are the type of person whose sincerity shows.
I really want this to work out for you because just going off of this question you seem pretty cool, and a girl like that deserves somebody decent instead of one of a million subpar guys out there anymore. Best of luck.
2006-09-22 16:58:50 · answer #6 · answered by La Voce 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a former shy girl, I would say the best course of action is to become her friend. Any way you can. Start to talk to her about classes you may share, or people you both may know...anything to get a conversation going. DO NOT talk about anything remotely romantic between the two of you. Shy girls are really interesting fun people...but only around people they are comfortable around. And they are only comfortable around people they feel they can be themselves around...friends. So, be her friend, then see what happens. And even if she doesnt respond to you romantically, at least you may have made a new friend. Oh... and by the way... pretty shy girls are where its at.... good taste ;)
2006-09-22 16:41:45 · answer #7 · answered by kc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't chase her around. Start with small talk. Ask her to go for a walk with you or go to a museum--somewhere that's public and no pressure. That's the best way to get to know a person.
2006-09-22 16:38:25 · answer #8 · answered by Call Me Babs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a shy girl, not 1 of the easier questions to answer (no offense ladies) but the answer is commonly found in everyday life..., try talking to her, start a conversation (because 10-1 she won't) about anything: a joke, a question, anything to get her to say something. then build off of that and build off of that and so on.....then suddenly its been an hour and you have been sitting there talking about a stupid tv show that you had seen last night....(see not esily recognised but esily found)
2006-09-22 16:42:17 · answer #9 · answered by lp073 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah. Small steps. Try to earn her friendship a little at a time. Say hi in the halls. Smile. Finally, don't get your hopes up, for it sounds difficult.
2006-09-22 16:37:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋