How does a single dad with 5 kids, 10 to 5 , pta president, selfemployed, youth football coach handle dating?

Question

Hi, i am living in the raleigh nc area where i am a single parent of 3 boys and 2 girls. I really enjoy fatherhood and all the benefits and i am just wondering how should i go about dating? I feel as if discretion is so important, to avoid all conversation about who i am dating, for i am constantly around women and very visible in the communtiy but refrain from pursuing a deeper relationship outside of business, pta, youth sports activities, for i feel as if i casually dated with the women that i come into contact with it would just lead to complications with in that environment from which i know them from. I would prefer a relationship with someone outside of this small town, that could be based on friendship and respect for the children and my busy schedule, but with rare moments of friendship shared while in each others company. How do i find that? Or is it possible? Am i asking for too much? Thanks for your honest answers.

Answer 1

You've neglected to indicate why and for how long you have been a single dad and have all five children in your custody. This could be an important determinent in assessing your situation. Is mom involved in the children's lives? Is there access for visitation? If so, perhaps you could casually date on evenings that you don't have the children. As long as you are honest with the woman you chose to date, there will be no harm done. It is important not to introduce children to several dating partners or to date too soon after a breakup. Once you have been seeing someone, are comfortable with them, and hope to pursue a deeper relationship, you should introduce the woman to your children out of courtesy to all. The children need to understand that you need some personal time with another adult. It is important to note the reaction of both the children and the woman when this is done. It will have an effect on your life once you chose to commit to someone. Dating is difficult when you are a single parent. It sounds as though, you want to live 2 separate lives. I'm not so sure you will find a "nice female" under the circumstances you have indicated. You have to develop a friendship before anything and obviously, honesty is important. As far as complications within the environment that you know women from and not wishing to pursue a relationship within this environment ... something doesn't seem right. What better way to establis a friendship with someone who has common interests with you and may be in a similar situation? If this is the case, you could not call it a "date". All of you could meet and go bowling or something like that. It wouldn't appear to be dating to the kids and you may all get some enjoyment out of it. I did this often when the children were younger. I received the adult conversation etc that I was missing and the children gained friends. If something were to develop as a result, bonus! I don't know why but I am getting the impression you want to hide something ... I'm guessing it is for other reasons than just out of respect for the children. Perhaps you should rethink your position and be honest with yourself about what you really want. Is it really a relationship or just someone who is convenient?

Answer 2

Hi.
First, put dating on the back burner until your plate is less full. Either hire an assistant for your business. Hire a nanny when you need your you time with whom ever you choose to date.
I agree with you. If you casually dated women you came in contact with, it would lead to complications within the environment which you know them from. Definitly choose someone outside of your small town. Try something new, like a new interest. Where you can meet new people. Maybe there is something you have allways wanted to try. A new recreation, or sport, a new business maybe. You never know who you may meet. There is your friendship right there, that may lead to more. Reinvent yourself as far as for dating, and meeting people.

Answer 3

Sounds like you are asking a bit much and here's why . It kind of leaves the lady you would be dating feelings out of the picture if you see where I'm going . The lady would have to accept herself as only a date , which doesn't leave her much consideration if she were to develope more feelings for you . Just take things as they come and don't beforehand have a preconception of what the outcome may be . You may well find yourself a life partner quite acceptable around your children . Perhaps occasionally in general conversation discuss this in an appropriate manner given your childrens ages and comprehension to guage their feelings. Also let them know you are sometimes a bit lonely without a woman around.

Answer 4

As much as you love your children, mixing an intimate relationship or dating with the lives of your children can be tough. I don't recommend to anyone who is a single parent not to date. I think it's important to live life a little outside of peanut butter & jelly sandwiches amd disney movies. However, when it come to your children you do have to be choosey in the women department. This is a toughy. But I encourage you you to be patient. Your time will come, and when it is does, don't shy away from it, embrace it. You deserve it and you need it too! Good luck!

Answer 5

Pray about it and keep doing what you are doing, someone will come--you are doing very well and your children do need respect. And any woman that deals with you, you will have to take it slow--id she is not intested in kids, she gotta go. If you just want a friend to be with sometimes, you will have to make it clean to whoever it is. I do not think that it will work like that, feelings always get in the way

Answer 6

no you are not asking for too much. I have one child and my boyfirend has 4 (3 at home with him)

It is not easy, but it is your life too, you can do it. If is harder if you want it all discrete. I like to go after the kid is in bed so I don't miss out on her life... you could go to a near by town or city where there is more to do

Answer 7

a little unclear towards the end...

as far as having a relationship that is respectful of your children... that shouldn't be an issue to any decent, caring woman - UNLESS you are simply wanting a "friend with benefits." if you cannot offer a woman a chance at something more, but want her to respect all of your requests - well, that is totally disrespectful of her. a bit of the "have your cake and eat it too" syndrome.

Answer 8

Where would you find the time to date with so much on your plate? I wouldn't worry about it. I can't imagine many women wanting to involve themselves with a man with 5 kids. Maybe you could find a lady with 5 kids. Would you like that? Taking on 5 kids that aren't yours?

Answer 9

I think it is possible but it is better to let your children knows how you feel and let them know that you are hoping to find a companion. Please tell them nicely as it is tough for children to accept their father having a new relationship or further to it having a step-monther. Take note, when youa re dating a women, you also got to let her know that you had your children and if she can accepts you with the fact that you had children and can treat your children as her own children, then it is okay n you find a new gal.
Please be remember when you are dating, dun every neglect your children and dun ever not trust what they said.

Answer 10

I am sorry sweetie, You just need to forgo dating right now. You have the kids to raise.. If you have a special occasion, invite some nice lady from Church. You are a wonderful man for doing what you are doing... Please DO not bring a woman into the picture now.... You have lots of time.