For people with social anxiety?

Question

For those who also have social anxiety and even those that don’t any advice would be appreciated. So I am in grad school and doing well except in this one class. Everyone in the class is extroverted which makes it that much more difficult. The other day I went out of my way to talk to people but it only made me feel more awkward (they responded to my small talk with one word answers which didn’t help). Should I continue to go out of my way to talk to these people or should I just keep to myself? I don’t want to come across desperate but I also don’t want to be the odd man out. Any advice would be appreciated.

Answer 1

You seem to be taking it personally when other people do not react to you in the way that you expect them to. Learn how to stop doing that (taking it personally), and you will have solved your problem (it worked for me).

First of all, how people react to you probably has more to do with them, and the kind of day that they were having so far, than it does with you. If you tried a couple of times to make small talk with someone, and they really don't respond, then tell yourself that they are probably having a bad day, or perhaps they are introverted themselves, and go talk to someone else. Do not allow yourself to dwell on it, and refuse to make a big deal about it (If you overreact to the fact that they were not in a talkative mood, not only does it bother you un-necessarily, but the other person senses it too, and they will continue to act awkward around you in the future because they will take it personally that you seemed to make a big deal about it). If the person was shy or having a bad day themselves, they will probably come find you later, if they notice that you are a friendly, talkative person who mingles with other people easily (makes you look approachable), and apologize if you give them the time to get over their bad mood.

By the way, if you seem needy, overly shy, too awkward, or too nervous around people, then they will feel hesitant about speaking to you because they will feel like you are a person who is easily offended, and they will feel nervous talking to you. Approach people with a self-confident smile that implies that you already know that they will like you, and it becomes a self-fulling prophecy since your positive attitude will be catching. Make sure that you make consistent eye contact, because that implies interest in the other person (always flattering), and it implies self-confidence (the opposite of fearful & needy). How do you develop self-confidence and get over being nervous? Glad that you asked.

Do you consider yourself to be a good person? Of course you do. You consider yourself to be a good, loyal friend? Be honest. I'm sure that you are. So, if a person doesn't want to talk to you, then who loses out, your or them? They do. You are a great person, and you make a great friend, so don't worry about it if just one crazy person wants to deprive himself of your company. Act as if it is no big deal (and it isn't, because the opinion of just one person doesn't matter), and go talk to the next person. Smile, act confident, and look people in the eye, and you will get better with every encounter. It is true, and don't stop believing it. If you make a mistake, so what? Mistakes are how you learn (you cannot please everyone anyway, so stop worrying about it). Don't be so afraid of screwing up that you don't even try. Don' treat failure as if it were the end of the world. Failure is a part of learning, and it happens to everyone, not just to you. No one is going to die if you accidentally offend someone, so stop worrying about it.

Answer 2

I can definitely relate to this. When I was in highschool I felt like that a lot. If it's just that one class are you sure you have a problem being social. How are you in your other classes? Is there any situation in which you feel socially relaxed and good?

Anyway, if you're trying to start conversations with people and they're just giving one word answers they might just be rude. Only talk to those that smile at you when you talk and are clearly friendly and open to you. Most of the people I thought were popular and extroverted, today I wouldn't even think about going out of my way to befriend them. I would still be myself and friendly but I wouldn't care so much about what they think about me.

What I've found is that when there is someone around you who could end up being a good friend, you'll end up connecting somehow. You'll end up gravitating to each other. Even though that class may be hard for you because of this, just try to relax. It's just one class. I don't think you're going to come across as desperate at all. Don't worry about that.

Answer 3

You are probably introverted which is a normal orientation although the majority of people are extraverted. Being introverted does not mean you do not like people but that you lose energy when you interact and gain energy when you are alone. It is the opposite for extraverts. Introverts prefer one on one conversations about topics they are very interested in. Extraverts are better at "small talk". Per haps you could just listen to learn whether or not anyone shares any particular interest of yours.
Would you be interested in seeing if your school counsellor can give you the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator? It does not measure pathology, but, is a great way to learn what your "type" is and how to determine how other "types" operate. You can always buy the Myers-Briggs book: "Gifts Differing." This is all based on Jungian theory.
According to Myers-Briggs I am an Introverted Intuitive Feeling Perceptive and INFPs constitute less than 1% of the population. So, when I was younger in graduate school, I often felt the way you seem to. Once I accepted this about myself, I stopped trying so hard and it eventually became easier to interact naturally . (I am married to a wonderful Extraverted Sensate Thinking Judge who is completely at home in the world in a way I never shall be!)
I wish you well.
Also, I think people in grad school are often competitive.

Answer 4

Social Anxiety Disorder is a pretty common problem. Doesn't mean one if mentally ill, just that in social events you are not comfortable. I would encourage you to continue to make that extra effort to interact with people. Like most things with practice, you will start to notice a change. If not, might on to see your physician, I've heard Inderal a beta blocker if given for social anxiety, as well as some antidepressants. Your obviously a very intelligent person, being in graduate school, hang in there you will conquer this problem.

Answer 5

I have social anxiety and I would say to keep trying to get comfortable with the premise of working with people. Maybe you should get involved with a group conversation so you don't have to carry it yourself. That way you can put in one or two words and seem like part of the group. One on one conversations are hard for me, and I usually keep to myself during them (except for my boyfriend), but I think that what you're doing right now will be beneficial in the long run. People say I appear calm, but on the inside I'm as nervous as you can imagine. Keep your calm outside appearance so people won't feel akward, and say a couple of words. You don't have to talk a bunch right now because you don't want to feel uncomfortable. Good luck!!

Answer 6

Eliminate Social Anxiety And Shyness - http://tinyurl.com/zO4mTMKd36

Answer 7

That used to happen to me about 4 yrs. ago. Except it would happen when I was around my friends. I would start to feel panicky and paranoid. It was horrible and it was hard for my friends, the people I trusted to understand. That didnt help. But I went to the dr. and they put me on Effexor, an anti-anxiety and anti-deppressant. I havent felt like that since. Talk to youre dr. and try it. Not everyone responds to all of the anti drugs. But theres alot of them out there that are safe. If one doesnt work try another. GL

Answer 8

i use to have social anxiety. the best way to battle it is to tell yourself why does this make me feel awkward. once you think about it long enough you'll realise that all of those feelings are wrong. its kinda like saying a word 1000 times it loses meaning. same with speaking to others. be the dominate one in the conversation. people tend to gravitate towards confidence. keep at it and good luck.

Answer 9

I think you just have to hang in there and don't get upset if they don't talk to you right away. People that are extraverts know that they are, and they know how to engage introverts in conversation. Soon you will see that they will come to you, because they will want to know what your all about. Your all in the same class together so have a little more confidence in yourself.

Answer 10

Been there and they'll never respond. anytime or anywhere with anybody when its all in your corner, It's there loss, not yours and whatever you do don't let'em bug ya, small talk'em back with one liners. Changing your life around to suit them, which sounds like could care less only takes away "YOUR IDENTITY" which lets them know just who you are and what you stand for. Be yourself and if you've got a friend there, they'll surface