Parents&Expectant Couples, Future Baby: Dumb Or Responsible Decisions?

Question

Wow, I have so many questions tonight, and this is the only place I can get quick answers. lol Anyway, if you found out that you and your bf/gf were expecting a baby, and the two of you had discussed marriage, but were not ready to make that step before you found out about the baby, would you consider eloping soon after you found out, and before any of your family or friends found out? Would you consider this to be a responsible and mature thing to do for the sake of your child and their future? From the views of the parent: would most parents applaud their child's decision to have a quick marriage, and then announce that they are both pregnant and married? OR do most parent's feel that it would be better if their child let them know beforehand?

Thank you to the first answer who answered the question; however, one thing i'd like to remind you of is the fact that if YOU were doing things the way God wanted "us" to do, then you wouldn't be so quick to judge others. Maybe read your Bible a little bit more before you put on the holier than thou attitude. Good day.

Answer 1

This happened to me, and the most important thing is to show family and friends that the two of you are responsible from the very begining. I don't know how long you have been together, or what the situation is, but just to make someone else happy, and rush into something that may or may not make you and your childs life a roller coaster ride, just think. Show the responsiblity for the baby first, and build off of that. If it is there, it will be there in a year, or maybe sooner. Just don't rush, and see how the other will react to having a baby first. Some cannot handle the responsibility, others thrive on it. I would not applaud my daughter, but I would support her and the grandchild every bit of the way. I think you should let them in on the baby arrival, and let it roll. You will get all kinds of input, like I did. But, once you become a mother, things get a whole new perspective...you wait and see...best of luck little one

Answer 2

I do not have children so the consensus by many would be how can I answer such a question. I can only share with you what I think I would want a child of mine to do, whether my son or daughter.

Consider this: If there were no pregnancy involved, would this be someone you'd marry and with whom you want to spend the rest of your life ... for richer/poorer .... sickness/health .... till death separates you? Marriage is a sacred covenant and a baby should not be the binding reason for getting married.

You can both be mature enough and decide not to get married but be there for the baby. The dad-to-be should support the expectant Mom in every way possible. You can always decide to get married later. I repeat, a baby does not a marriage make. The two of you makes the marriage.

The two of you have already been forgiven for what has happened. His Grace is simply awesome! (We can't abuse it, however.)

I pray you'll make the best decision for all involved including yourselves and the baby. I'd want my child to share this with me and not elope. All the best!

Answer 3

I don't see any problem with co-habitating before marriage. It's like test driving a car before buying it. You don't want to buy it and then find out it's a lemon that leaves it's dirty laundry all over the floor and never cleans up after itself do you? LOL

I'm in a similar situation. My fiance and I discussed marriage long before I became pregnant. In fact we had decided that we'd get married as soon as we could afford it. Well then health issues popped up, etc etc and we decided that we should have a baby now before we couldn't. (I'm almost 30 and the poster child for female health issues.) So we're doing it backwards. We still plan to get married, but not until we can afford the kind of wedding we'd like to have. (Which isn't anything extravagant, we just have a lot of family between the two of us that would like to see the whole white dress and tux deal. Not as if I still qualify for the white dress part though. LOL) My parents love my fiance, and his parents love me. They also understand why we've done things the way we've done them. So they really don't have an issue. I think my Grandparents would have liked to see me married before I had another child, but they're old school, and I think they've realized finally, we don't live in the 50's anymore.

Now if my kid came to me and said, I just eloped and my now wife is pregnant, I'd be pissed. I would say why didn't you tell me before hand? I'd would have liked to have been there!! But I wouldn't be so mad that I wouldn't accept their decision or their baby. That's my grandbaby, I'd be ecstatic! Plus I'd get to say, Karma's coming for you boy, watch out. heh heh heh Hope that helps answer some of your questions. =D

Answer 4

Hmmmm. I'd say do what feels right for you in that situation. Marriage might be an option if that provides health insurance for the mother. (the child will be covered under the father's health insurance as long as the ins. company is notified). If it were me ( in my younger, single days.. lol), then I personally would not rush into marriage. I would want to take things one at a time. I don't see the need for marriage -- it doesn't make things more secure or safe or stable... however, if you had discussed it before, and feel caught up in the moment, then elope and be happy. I have a friend who got married at nearly 8 months pregnant... she looked beautiful and happy. The days of shotgun weddings are over, thankfully.

My son is too young for me to think of him marrying... lol... but I remember my mom encouraging my brother and his girlfriend to wait on marriage after they found out that they were pregnant at 17. She didn't want them to further complicate their situation. (they decided to marry anyway.... still together after 28 years).

sorry.. tangent... lol.

Be happy, treat each other well.... and everything will fall into place.

Answer 5

It's okay to hold off on the marriage. One thing at a time! My boyfirend and I are expecting a child this spring and I'll tell you that even though I want to marry him eventually I would still say no if he asked me right now. Because we love and trust each other, and are devoted to being parents together, we are happy to embark upon this without the legal license of marriage from city hall. To me, having a kid seems like enough to go through right now, and I want my marriage to be something planned, not rushed, or pushed upon me.
When you ask what the right thing to do is, thats only a question for yourself. On paper, marriage isn't about love - It's a legally binding contract, and no more. The "right thing to do" is to be happy and in love with the person you're with, with or without the contract. Don't worry about what others think, becuase it's your decision to live with.

Answer 6

I personally don't believe in getting married just because of a pregnancy. I think too many couples rush into marriage because of a sense of obligation to do the "right thing" and don't consider if they are really ready or not. Couples who conceive out of wedlock can live happily together as a family and may eventually marry. But if a couple jumps into marriage before one of them or both are ready, it only leads to problems. But then again, some couples get married because of a pregnancy and live together for the rest of their lives in bliss. I suppose if you aren't ready before a baby entered the picture, you should stick with your instincts and not rush into it. If you were considering marriage before the baby, then go ahead and get married.

Answer 7

You might consider telling them you are pregnant, but have been planning to get married. As long as you can show them you are being responsible, who cares? When it comes down to it, does marriage in itself make one a better parent? When the baby is that young, I don't think it matters. As long as you raise it well and don't mistreat it. Good luck and congrats!

Also, another poster mentioned insurance. That is definatley something to consider.... we wound up having a quick wedding so I could get on my husbands insurance. We were engaged anyway, so it kinda worked out. Raising a baby is expensive!

Answer 8

I think that if you had the bf/gf truley wanted to provide a mom and dad figure to this child I think it would be a mature decision to make.

Answer 9

If you were doing things they way God tells us, You wouldnt be having sex until after you were married anyway, So you wouldnt have to worry about getting pregnant before you were married.