My daughter is 3 and she says I can't all the time when I try and teach her things, is this normal?

Question

For instance while teaching her to ride her bike I tell her to pedal and show her while explaining what to do she says I can't do it. This also goes along with the whole potty training thing. She simply refuses to use the toliet we haven't had any progress at all. She is always telling me she can't do it. Is there something wrong with her confidence, is this a problem? Or do all kids just do this and its a stage that she will get over?

Answer 1

i have 5 kidsand they all did this at one time or another. Try using positive reinforcement for things you see her do own her own. even those little things that dont really matter just make a big deal out of it and shell enjoy it and want to hear more and hopefully that will motivate hear to do good when she tries new things too.good luck and just have lots of patience on hand!

Answer 2

The "I can'ts" get really frustrating, really fast. I finally asked my son one day, "you can't, or you won't?" Of course at 4 he didn't really have an answer for that, I was just really irritated. Luckily it was a stage that he got over relatively quick (I don't know how much more of it I could have taken) and now he does anything and everything. Just keep encouraging her, and be positive. Get your bike out and tell her "See? Mommy can do it, it's not hard!"

I found with the potty training, kids will potty train only when they're ready. I tried to get my youngest son to start at 2 when his older brother started, he wasn't the least bit interested. The next year he took an interest and we let him run around the yard all summer in his skivies and swim trunks. When he had to pee, we told him to pee on a certain tree (helps keep the deer away from fruit bearing trees and saplings) and he thought that was great. We never used diapers again. I'm not saying let your daughter run around and pee outside, that's just what worked for us. lol

You could try rewarding her for trying new things with special Mommy/daughter play time, color with her, play dolls, go to the park, etc. No matter what, do NOT bribe her. You'll get into that habit and it'll be hell to break. She'll expect something everytime she does something good. She'll become spoiled, needy, and bratty when she doesn't get her way. Good luck!

Answer 3

she's figured out what works to get the pressure off. try changing the scene with some positive reinforcement. don't think of it as a bribe. its just creative teaching.

we are currently potty training my grandson. after a week he's got it mastered (barring setbacks of course). why? we use a calendar, stars and other stickers, lots of over the top praise and rewards. He gets a stick for the calendar and one to wear proudly on his head, hand or wherever he wants and we don't make him take them off except for bed and bath time. then he put them back on if there is any sticky remaining. some days he wants to re-use the ones from the day before and that is okay. Then he gets very special stickers for pooping in the potty. great fun - he gets to spray a can of silly string all over nana (me or whatever he wantsto do with it). He also gets surprise rewards for not having accidents! The dollar store is a great place to pick up lots of cheap rewards. Let her know she has earned them with all her good hard work. even if she's been naughty, please don't take any away because she earned them.

also, pay her a quarter or 2 to sweep the floor, mop, dust the furniture, fold wash cloths, whatever, to teach her good work gets good reward. then let her put the coins in her piggy bank and occasionally spend them at the store. let her know she is capable of anything by rewarding her efforts. eventually she'll start looking on the bright side and take chances with her activities.
I hope this helps. It works for us.

Answer 4

A lot of toddlers have this problem. They haven't developed any self confidence yet. It can be simple to overcome. Praise her for the little things she does. When she eats all her vegetables, tell her she did a great job and she's a wonderful eater. When she throws a ball, tell her how good she throws. The praise will help her develop a positive self-esteem and she will soon want to try new things to earn more praise.

Answer 5

I am a mother of 4 and none used the words I can't but would say no or I don't want to. Don't give up, hang in there. Keep using positive re-enforcement and try small rewards for her trying. She may just not want to. There are also meetings in most town like mommy and me that can help with advise and support. Good Luck

Answer 6

It is normal, but you can put a stop to it.
When you are trying to potty train and she says, "I can't." Reply , in a very calm voice (this is the most important part) "Oh, that makes me sad, I guess you aren't ready to grow up, when you are ready to try, let me know and I will get these big-girl panties back out." It really helps if they have a character that she just loves on them and her pull-ups don't (sometimes you have to buy the cheap kind to really make this work).
The same goes for the bike. Tell her how sad you are that you will have to put her bike away until she is ready to try.
The key ingredient is to be calm and make her choose to try.

Answer 7

I have a 3 1/2 year old and she says it ALL the time. Sometimes I tell her to do something and maybe she is a little overwhelmed or doesn't understand what is I'm asking or telling her to do. I simply show her. I also tell her she CAN do it because she's big now.

Answer 8

Talk to her about 'trying'. It sounds like she's worried that if she doesn't do something perfectly or 'right', she's afraid to even try. Tell her that trying means that sometimes it will work and sometimes it won't and both are acceptable outcomes. Try to talk to her about the process of learning instead of just doing something the right way or the wrong way.

Answer 9

It's how you're reacting to her. Be persistant and positive and if she truly doesn't wish to do it at that point in time, don't force her. The more choices you give her, being a guide instead of a dictator, the more shockingly agreeable she'll become. You'll be amazed.

Answer 10

While this is frustrating for you, this is a normal stage of development and your child will grow out of it. This is just another way she is exerting her independance and trying her wings. "I can't" is often an expression of "I'm afraid", but want to try. Hang in there:)