Why my 2 yrs daughter hates me?

Question

I have a 2 yrs daughter. she is not allowing me to do anything her work.she hates me. she says me that she loves her dad very much than me.whenever my husband is there she dont want me around her.its hurt me a lot i dont know what to do.i do everything what my husband do for her.but still she hates me.she says me to go away...pl help me.i feel like to die.pl help me

Answer 1

It is probably a stage. Pay her no mind. Giving her attention will only encourage her. Relax and go about your day.
When she says, "I hate you." Say something like, "I am sorry you feel that way, I don't want to be around you when you say hurtful things like that. Go play in your bedroom until you can be nice." Be consistant, never allow her to get to you. Have dad help you out, he should reinforce the same ideas. "I am sorry you feel that way, but we aren't going to be hurtful to each other, go play somewhere else you can be nice."
Email me if you need more help than this.

Answer 2

This is a touchy subject for me simply because my husband, his sister and 2 brothers had this happen to them. The abuse you had suffered caused you to feel you were nothing. This man tore you to pieces and you finally have those pieces mended to be torn apart when you find out how poorly she was treated. I can understand being beat (I had an extremely abusive mother) and having hate towards that person. I am curious if any sexual abuse is suspected. The hatred she presented and her actions seem to show a more unforgivable anger. She feels completely unloved and unwanted. Lord only knows what her father told her while he was verbally abusing her. I am sure he has told her you didnt want them. Along with many other colorful things. E-mail or anything via e mail is so unpersonal. Any 8 year old child could send an E-mail. Try a search engine for people. (If I recall the name correct Pipi search...?) That should cost no more than 2 dollars for a 1 time one person search. I would say to write a handwritten letter. I dont care if this letter ends up being as thick as the Bible. Dont call her melodramatic. Don't tell her that she did this, she is that, or try to make yourself out to be some kind of saint. If you used drugs while your children were gone or slept around tell her. Tell her EVERYTHING. Your life with her father (the good, bad and ugly). 2 years without anyone. Your life now. Accept responsbility.Your daughter felt abandoned by her mother, feared her father and was alone and afraid for years waiting for her mother to rescue her. Go save your little girl.

Answer 3

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WHY would you trust your kids with someone who you knew was abusive (even emotionally)?? If you truly cared about them, you would have done everything to keep your kids away from him. If you truly cared about them, you wouldn't have just forgotten about them, simply because it was "too painful to think about", and you wanted your freedom. If you were a good mother, you would have been thinking about them day and night, and ways to get them back no matter what it took. Sorry, but I honestly have no sympathy for you. I feel like you just made a ton excuses, and found other people to blame. If I were your daughter, I'd probably hate you too. At this point, there may not be a way to mend the relationship. You had your chance to show you cared about your daughter long ago, and you blew it. Sorry.

Answer 4

im sorry to hear about your daughter. maybe you could ask her what she likes to do. and then do that with her. then maybe you can play with her WITH your husband that ways he can see you both are equal. i dont understand if a 2 year old has the knowledge of the word hate yet but if she does there has to be something wrong. if all fails then be stern and tell her that you are her mother and she must respect you and that you love her so much and she needs to understand that you should love your family. the child could be just being a little bratty and needs some sterness to get her straight. all in all just try to talk to her and be with her WITH your husband. if all you do is care for her she cant keep saying she doesnt want you around.

Answer 5

This is a little extreme, but it's part of the whole developmental stage of being two. The "terrible twos" start when a child realizes it can SAY no as well as HEAR it. That is, for the past year or so -- roughly after the child learns to stand up and walk around -- a toddler hears "No, don't touch that," "No, put that down," "No, don't pull the kitty's ears off with red-hot pincers," and the like. (Well, maybe not the one about the kitty. :-)

So there's this HUGE jump in mental and emotional development right around age 2 when children suddenly learn that they can say "no" BACK to their parents -- that they can have an impact on their environment. So they start experimenting with being negative -- even if they really WANT the thing they're refusing -- because it gets a BIG REACTION from poor Mom & Dad.

Here's the thing -- she doesn't hate you, but she's learned that TELLING you she hates you gets you all upset. So she's learning to control you. She's learned what to say to get the biggest emotional reaction from you. If it makes it easier to you -- developmentally she's at an age where she hasn't yet learned that words have MEANING, but she's learned that they have an EFFECT. She can't hate you because she doesn't know what hate means, she just knows it twists you inside out. And that's not even really being mean of her, it's just an interesting power to exercise.

Fortunately, there's a fairly simple way to get through this with your sanity intact. When you tell her to eat her beets (or whatever it is you're asking her to do) and she says "NO! I hate you! Go away!" you have to stay calm and say "Okay, I get it. Now, eat your beets." Every time she gets negative, you just say "I understand, now eat your beets." (Or whatever it is -- clean up your room, brush your hair, whatever.) Continue repeating your request until she does it. The point is to train her that repeated outbursts of "No! I hate you!" don't result in an interesting emotional display, they result in a boring string of repetitive requests to eat her beets, brush her hair, etc. So if she stops her own outbursts, the boring stuff goes away.

I learned this from my aunt, who ran a preschool for 25 years -- if you just keep repeating the request, the child will eventually do what you ask because you're not taking the bait. One day my aunt was working on a real hard-case who wasn't putting her blocks away; "Put your blocks away," she repeated for the fourth or fifth time. The hard case kept making the pouty face, till one of the other little kids came up and said "You may as well put the blocks away, she NEVER gives up." The kid put the blocks away...

It is VERY HARD to stand there while a child you love and adore screams at you that she hates you, and repeating to her that you understand, now eat your beets. But you know what? It works.

And there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Our first daughter was an ESPECIALLY contary two-year-old -- she didn't yell that she hated us, but she did everything she could to make our lives miserable. A few weeks before her third birthday, she became Angel Child -- sweet, funny, playful, affectionate ("Dad, you're my best boy!" is my favorite line from that age). I used to say that three-year-olds were God's reward to parents for not strangling their kids when they were two.

So cheer up -- it isn't you, and your daughter doesn't hate you, it just means she's right on schedule with this particular stage of her development. And that's a good thing, because it suggests she'll be right on schedule with growing OUT of this stage, too.

Your job -- and it's the hardest job you'll have till she's 13 or so -- will be to remain consistent NO MATTER WHAT. That is, you can't do this sometimes and give in other times, you can't repeat what you want her to do and then say "Oh what the heck, don't eat your beets." Because then she will learn that she can control YOU, and life really sucks with a two-year-old in charge.

All the best...

Answer 6

A child this young doesn't know how to express her true feelings, Hate can mean she's very angry at you, she's feeling jealous and wants all of daddy's attention, she's confused or frustrated. Don't take this to heart because I'm sure your little one loves you very much. It might also be a way for her to control you and get her way because she knows it hurts you so much hearing her say those painful words. When she says "I hate you" answer with "Maybe you do, but I love you anyway."

Answer 7

She doesn't hate you. She's 2 years old. She trying to assert her independence because she has very little of it in the first place. When she doesn't want you to help, she's really trying to do it by herself so she can learn. The always wanting Daddy thing is probably because she sees more of you than him. Don't worry. She won't be this way forever.

Answer 8

I know this may sound strange, but it's just a phase. One day, you will do something that she absoultely loves and the attention will shift to you. And your husband will feel how you do now.

This has yet to happen to me, but it has happened to both my sister and sister in law. Also my brother and brother in law!

Just wait it out and it will get better!

Answer 9

Every child does this at some point. Your daughter loves you. She just knows you so well that she knows what buttons to press to upset you. She is getting to that stage where she is testing her boundaries and your resolve.

Welcome to the terrific twos.

Answer 10

This is a stage she is going through. Most twos like to exert their independance and do things for themselves from feeding right to dressing. Encourage her to do this. It will help ease the tensions right away. Offer her choices as far as her clothing goes so that you still end up with her things matching instead of not. Offer her ideas of how to do things. Offer to help her do things instead of doing it all for her. Once she gets the idea she gets to choose for herself and do for herself the hate trip will start to fade. Also lots of people label this the 'Terrible Twos' and I find that a bit much anymore. My oldest did not go through that stage but my son went through a stage of terribleness that finally outgrew itself. You have to love them alot and let them grow. For when they get up to teen years that is harder still. My oldest is 16 and is now doing lots of things and I have to let her go a bit. It is all a part of them growing up.