2006-09-22 13:28:12 · 10 answers · asked by Hard Rocker 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
How does Snow White get off? She sits on pinnochios' face and says "LIE TO ME LIE TO ME!!!"
2006-09-22 13:35:55 · answer #1 · answered by amishhippie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have posted one but it has been removed. i'll share it to you ^_^ hope you will like it.
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window. As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vag ina. The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's a bee in my vag ina!" The husband immediately took her to the local doctor and explained the situation. The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, tricky situation. But I have a solution to the problem if young sir would permit." The husband being very concerned agreed that the doctor could use whatever method to get the bee out of his wife's vag ina. The doctor said "OK, what I'm gonna do is rub some honey over the top of my pen is and insert it into your wife's vag ina. When I feel the bee getting closer to the tip of my pen is I shall withdraw it and the bee should hopefully follow my pen is out of your wife's vag ina. The husband nodded and gave his approval. The young lady said "Yes, Yes, whatever, just get on with it."
So the doctor, after covering the tip of his penis with honey, inserted it into the young lady's vag ina. After a few gentle strokes, the doctor said, "I don't think the bee has noticed the honey yet. Perhaps I should go a bit deeper." So the doctor went deeper and deeper. After a while the doctor began shafting the young lady very hard indeed. The young lady began to quiver with excitement. She began to moan and groan aloud. The doctor, concentrating very hard, looked like he was enjoying himself, he then put his hands on the young lady's breasts and started making loud noises. The husband at this point suddenly became very annoyed and shouted, "Now wait a minute! What the Hell do you think you're doing?" The doctor, still concentrating, replied, "Change of plan. I'm gonna drown the *******!"
2006-09-22 14:54:50 · answer #2 · answered by ettezzil 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A huge muscular man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so small?"
The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.
"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming from a frog sitting next to a stream."
So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."
So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss. POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.
She said, "You now have 3 wishes."
I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."
She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!
She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"
I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!"
Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more wish. What will it be?"
I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"
2006-09-22 13:43:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ejaculation can be considered premature when it occurs 30 seconds to 4 minutes into sex, depending on different cultures, countries and experts. Behavioural techniques can help you delay orgasm. Learn here https://tr.im/XJRyf
These include the start-and-stop method and the squeeze technique. A combination of these techniques along with sexual counselling and medication (either using an anaesthetic cream or an oral tablet) is recommended.
2016-02-14 21:37:27 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Construction worker on the 5th floor of a building needed a handsaw. So he spots another worker on the ground floor and yells down to him, but he can't hear him. So the worker on the 5th floor tries sign language.
He pointed to his eye meaning "I", pointed to his knee meaning "need", then moved his hand back and forth in a hand saw motion. The man on the ground floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, whips out his chop and starts masturbating.
The worker on 5th floor gets so pissed off he runs down to the ground floor and says, "What the **** is your problem!!! I said I needed a hand saw!".
The other guy says, "I knew that! I was just trying to tell you - I'm coming!"
2006-09-22 13:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by Aimee S 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Q: "Wanna play army?"
A: "I'll lay down and you can blow the hell out of me!!"
Q. What is the lightest thing in the world?
A. A penis...even a thought can raise it.
http://www.insultmonger.com/jokes/sex_sexist_jokes_9.htm
2006-09-22 14:41:55 · answer #6 · answered by Kappy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wanna hear a dirty joke?
pig played in the mud
wanna hear a clean joke?
pig took a bath with bubbles
wanna hear a dirty joke?
bubbles was his sister
2006-09-22 14:57:08 · answer #7 · answered by Matt B 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
wanna hear a dirty joke?
two pigs in a bath
wanna hear a dirtier one?
three came out!
2006-09-22 14:42:39 · answer #8 · answered by dontbejealous! 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One day a construction worker left the job a little early, and when he got home he found his wife in bed with another man. Purple with rage, he hauled the man down the stairs and into the garage where he proceeded to secure his **** in a vice.
Utterly terrified, the man screamed, "Stop, stop! you're not going to cut it off, are you? ARE YOU?"
"Nope," replied the construction worker, "You are...I'm going to set the garage on fire."
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"
A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
"S lut!" he said, and dropped her.
2006-09-22 13:35:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
all those except the grand ma one made me laugh.
2006-09-22 14:47:14 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋