Ok, a friend of mine is 16. She's dating this guy and they have been going out for about a month. She likes him a lot and he feels the same way. She asked me what I think of him and I told ehr I think he's a nice guy. He treats her really good. Sounds perfect right? Well, there's a problem that she asked me to help her with and to be honest I have no clue! He's 23. That's a 7 year difference. Now, where she lives it's legal because you only have to be 16 to consent to anything. Is that too much of an age difference??? And if so why is it for her but I know people that are 12 years apart (adults) and together??? I put this in parenting because I want parents advice on it and I'm more likely to get that in parenting.
2006-09-22 12:59:00 · 17 answers · asked by Cutie_wit_a_booty_08 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
FYI because I noticed a lot of people are saying this. I don't understand it either. He CAN get a girl his own age and doesn't even try to control her. And the reason I haven't told ehr what I feel is because I don't know.
2006-09-22 13:18:53 · update #1
I think age is just a number. With that said--I believe that's true out of high school. Personally I wouldn't want my daughter or son dating a young man/woman who is already out of high school. There is just such a different maturity level. I'm talking even if my daughter was 16 and her boyfriend was 19 and living on his own. Moving out brings on a lot of maturity and high schoolers don't understand that. The young man dating her has so much more experience with life and I can hardly imagine what they have in common. I dated my husband in high school he was two years older then me--but in high school. I wouldn't care if my daughter/son dated a person four years older then them just as long as they were in high school. I hope I am making sense! Anyway--to sum it all up--I have to stop and think why is this young man interested in someone so much younger and unexperienced? Why can't he get some one his own age? I think there is just such a maturity and experience difference! Best of Luck to your friend.
2006-09-22 13:08:00 · answer #1 · answered by .vato. 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
The age difference obviously makes a difference because she's still a child!! Thats like saying why cant a 1 year old and a 7 year old play together. Once you pass 30ish age isnt as big of an issue. I don't know what kind of parents are letting a 16 year old date a 23 year old. He can't have too much in common with her, unless he's really immature which is also a negative. He is legal to drink, and don't think he wont be giving it to her. Dating him will make her "think" she is all grown up and can do all the grown up things that are totally inappropriate for her, contrary to what MTV says.
2006-09-22 13:06:29 · answer #2 · answered by Coco 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Age is really a matter of life experience. If she is only 16, then it is safe to assume that she is still home living with mom and dad. She has never had to fend for himself. At 23, I would expect someone to be more self sufficient. There are people who have run away from home at 15 and by the time they are 23, they are as mature as most people in their thirties.
If it were me, I would say she needs to exhibit measurable signs of maturity. Graduate from high school, preferably graduate from college, get a job, and live on your own for a few years without asking mom an dad for money. Plan on having a job to raise a kid as a single mom, so if the marriage does not work out, you are not trapped into the marriage. If the marriage does work out, then both of you can have a higher standard of living because you each can pull your weight.
2006-09-22 13:08:28 · answer #3 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have dated guys that were much older then I was and the only thing that they wanted was sex... I think that your friend needs to think more about what she would like in life a great job bc she finish'd school and went to college or the chance to get knock'd up by the wrong guy, there are many of other people out there have fun while you still can... But also I believe that it is her choice to want to be in a relationship and if that is what makes her happy then let no one stand in your way...
2006-09-22 13:29:50 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, at this time in her teens its a way too much of an age difference. It makes you wonder about the boy and why he thinks he can't cut it with his own age group also. Is he a pervert or something. Why is he robbing the cradle with this 16 year old?She needs to date in a range of no more than 2 years of her age for the next few years and experience guys in that age group that she is in to relate with her age and social group. The reason the age thing is an issue is just that her "age" and his "age" taking advantage of someone just beginning to really know themselves and the opposite sex. "Adults" that are over 21 and have dated within their age group first during their teens have a better understanding of themselves and of who they want to be with. Not just the first "grownup" that shows them attention like it sounds he is doing.
2006-09-22 13:07:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
When you are an adult you are more mature so the age gap seems less, but your friend is only 16 and although she is legal to have sex she still has to wait til she is 18 to become an adult! This man should have already matured so really shouldnt be messing about with a 16year old girl, If he generally likes her he should give her the chance to grow and wait.
2006-09-22 13:06:59 · answer #6 · answered by Jazzymay 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't allow it only because my daughter got molested and now she is married to someone way above her age old enough to be her dad i think it is wrong in the eyes of god what if she got pregnant from him or he raped her that wouldn't be a very good thing you wouldn't want to hear that from her... she asked for your help and your advise tell her how you honestly feel about the age difference and even though she likes him as well as he does her make an understanding with the two or maybe with just her...try and help her understand the best way possible...if she dont take it well then confront the parents that always does good and if she gets mad about it then explain you were helping her like she asked you to do...
2006-09-22 13:06:00 · answer #7 · answered by mandie 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Regardless to how good he treats her, I don't recommend the affair. To me, the legality of the issue is moot. I would not be happy for one moment if my 16 year old daughter was involved with a 23 year old man. I would be in his face and all over him.
There are many who are his age. There is no justification for him being with my daughter. His age disqualifies him. He could never earn my respect...to be respectful he would not be "MESSING" with a 16 year old.
2006-09-22 13:16:49 · answer #8 · answered by Robere 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A sixteen year old should not be dating a twenty-three year old. Do her parents know about this 'nice guy'? Or, has she hidden the relationship from them?
Chances are, they do not - or would not approve. That alone should give her an indication of why this relationship should not be pursued.
He is way too old for her - plain and simple. I would definitely have to question his motives for going after a girl that young. Whatever it is - I doubt it is good.
2006-09-22 13:04:06 · answer #9 · answered by oscarschic 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well... Even in a place of legal consent it can be illegal if something happens and they choose to press charges (police or parents). Law ushually states an age difference of 3 years or greater.
I can't say much I had my first daughter when I was 16 and her father was 22. I believed it was right for me and my mother never said anything. She even let my ex live with me.
I can say that if he truely cares for her he will wait untill shes older so she can atleat live the rest of her childhood years as a child. Atleast untill shes 18.
If she is worth it he would wait.
2006-09-22 13:40:54 · answer #10 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋