Everything was great at first then we moved in together. At first things were great. Then he started acting funny, then harldy no sex . I asked him if it was me and he said no just a lot of stress. So I finally got him to talk and this is what I got, he said he loves me and my boys and feels we are getting closer everyday, but somewhere in the last two months he has lost who he is and where he is going, and is under alot of stress. I had a Great job and lost it and I am trying my best to find another. He tells me everyday he loves me, but then says I deserve more? Where that comes from I don't know? So he said it's up to me if i stay with him or not? Why can't he just tell me that we are too much on him?
2006-09-22 10:20:01 · 18 answers · asked by heart2heart27958 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are dealing with a man that is trying to salvage his self-esteem. If he feels he is not taking care of you financially he feels less than a man. It is an ego that is severely damaged. A job that provides for a man's family gives him a sense of accomplishment. Right now he feels he is not accomplishing anything and so he (being analytical, not emotional) feels he is not deserving of the love of you and your boys. When he gets a new job that feeling will dissipate as his income provides for you again. In the meantime, your best move is to encourage him in EVERYTHING he does and I mean EVERYTHING. Be aware it is a minute to minute fix and he will not feel the same until he is able to provide for you again the way HE thinks he should. Be very patient with him.
2006-09-22 10:33:05 · answer #1 · answered by snddupree 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have always found when a guy pulls the whole "you deserve more or you deserve better" it's a way for them to get out of the relationship without it hurting their partner as much. Think about it, why would he say it is completely up to you if you stay together? To me, that means he doesn't care either way. He is putting it all on you to make it easier for himself, and he is also handing you the reason to break up. You do deserve better!!
2006-09-22 17:30:26 · answer #2 · answered by ashflaskfhu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you've got kids and the lot of you moved in with one dude and he's stressed right? based on that information alone i'd say that you are a burden on him.
sorry i can't sugar coat it for you.
But he has to. And this will of course snow ball into something bigger if you don't get things straightened out for you and your boys.
Just make yourself useful if you're going to make yourself at home. Do things that you know he'll appreciate such as cooking him a surprise meal, or renting an adult movie for you and him to watch (a little unorthodox but he'll like it if you let him.)
2006-09-22 17:31:09 · answer #3 · answered by hey_finny 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't question his answer, he said he loves you and wants you to be with him if you want to be. Just believe he is under stress and do your best to be supportive and try to make his life easier where ever you see an opportunity.
2006-09-22 17:37:57 · answer #4 · answered by spice_e6 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps the best thing for you to do is step back a bit in so doing you may see things in a different perspective. Sometimes if one gets to close he gets blinded.
2006-09-22 17:26:31 · answer #5 · answered by mari 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should consider being a part for a little while then reconnect but don't co-habitate and date if you do really love each other then marry, this is how you both get deserved respect and a understanding of true love.
2006-09-22 17:26:34 · answer #6 · answered by notdemoorrepub 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he's feeling guilty about something but that he really cares for you and is having a hard time telling you about what's troubling him.
2006-09-22 17:32:28 · answer #7 · answered by Shafe 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that's it. It sounds like he genuinely likes you, but for whatever reason he is under alot of stress, and it is making him depressed. Ask him what's up.
2006-09-22 17:25:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he his going through a Minor depressive episode make sure it doesn't develop into a higher level of depression.
2006-09-22 17:42:45 · answer #9 · answered by Phoenix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes guilty about something so hes feeling bad and feels he doesnt deserve you. just listen he is telling you whats wrong you just have to learn to read between the lines.
2006-09-22 17:41:21 · answer #10 · answered by Ms.Lincy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋