Gee, can't help but love them, but the history of drug abuse leaves me with the leery 'feeling' that I am only being used. Any body out there with some experience with a situation like mine? Shut them out or let them in my life? & Why. Thanks for your answers.
2006-09-22 09:29:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i come from a family of 13,i am the middle child.i don't talk to too many of my sisters or brothers...most of them are on crack or cocaine..don't have their kids and used me out the butt...i don't let them in my house or do i call them..i use to feel bad about my feelings...but like the old saying goes you can't help someone that can't help themselves..if you are like me, you have tried and tried..i know i got sick of answering the phone and it was never how you doing? it was do you have $20 i can borrow? got sick of it so it is normal to feel the way you do..they probably tell you that you don't care about them too...i love my family but i don' t care to be apart of the drugs...good luck
2006-09-22 09:37:09 · answer #1 · answered by twinky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If they are clean give them a chance! I mean you are going to be leery for a while, until they build the trust back. I am a recovering addict and it took my sister a while before she trusted me. Hell I couldn't even go in her house or my mom's or dads. They didn't really think that I was going to stay clean. I had let them down so many times. But I just kept doing what I needed to do to stay clean. I eeventually earned their trust back. (it has taken years) I think when I got 2 years clean they were like hey I think she's serious this time. Anyway my relationships are better than they have ever been now. Your family member needs to understand that they have broken the trust and it's got to be rebuilt. If they are still using, turn away from them Sounds harsh but until they get their life together you should stay away from them. When an addict is using they cannot be trusted! Tough love is hard too do, but eventually this person won't have anyone left to turn too and will seek the help that they need (if they are still getting high) If they are clean just take it slow and let them earn the trust back. Just start slow and take it one day at a time. Good Luck!
2006-09-22 10:25:04 · answer #2 · answered by faith 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ANYONE with drug and/or alcohol problems can't totally be trusted. It's not them running their life anymore. It's the drug. I speak from much experience on both sides of the coin. If you continue to allow them into your space and support them, you are what's known as an enabler and only make matters worse.
You have to cut them off until they can prove they have come to grips with their problem or it will be your problem, too. A very heartbreaking situation, either way but the right way is the tough love way. Trust me. Abusers are very good at playing off of your sympathies. Don't get started down that road. Check out Al-alon.
2006-09-22 09:38:01 · answer #3 · answered by Gregg J 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My brother has a severe drug problem and won't get help because he doesn't think it's a problem. He lies and steals, all for his own gain and doesn't care about consequences, unless they affect him. I don't trust him at all and always feel like he's using me. Truthfully, it's been so long, that I would never know if he's using me or not. I love him with all my heart, but I don't like him. Does that make sense? I don't know if I'll ever like him, but, I'd be devastated if anything ever happened to him.
Sometimes, I have to remember what he used to be like to remind myself that I do love him. It's a horrible thing to go through. I feel your pain and confusion.
Don't shut them out of your life. My Dad is an alcoholic who hasn't touched a drop in 33 years. There is hope. Let's just pray our loved ones reach out for help, one day (from a professional...not the kind of help they usually look for from us). Don't shut them out but don't start hating yourself when you have bad thoughts about them. You can love them but not like them. I promise it's okay.
2006-09-22 09:41:35 · answer #4 · answered by luunchbox2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a brother who is 45 years old, a drunk, and a pathological liar. I busted my butt for years trying to help him but he won't help himself, and its always somebody elses fault. He's lost every job he's had, usually for stealing. My dad used to call me a sucker for even bothering with him. He is a horrible father to his daughters and I have my husband deal with him as much as possible, because I can't stand the sight of him or the sound of his voice. I feel he is a scourge upon the earth and a waste of human flesh who has no right breathing our air.
2006-09-22 09:47:47 · answer #5 · answered by smartypants909 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let them in your life, give them a chance just make sure that your very careful because you know their situation.
2006-09-22 10:06:59 · answer #6 · answered by momo13 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is give them all the love and support that you can b/cuz w/out that they will fall back into the same bottomless hole that they worked so hard to climb out of.
2006-09-22 10:24:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't trust anyone that abuses drugs, family or not.
2006-09-22 10:27:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋