Am i messing up as a parent?

Question

My 29 year old boyfriend insistes on spanking my 15 year old daughter as a last resort...is this inappropriate?

Answer 1

Corporal punishment kind of went out with the 50s

Corporal punishment is the deliberate infliction of pain intended to correct behavior or to punish. Historically speaking, most punishments, whether in judicial, domestic, or educational settings, were corporal in basis.

In the modern world, corporal punishment has been largely rejected in favor of other disciplinary methods. Modern judiciaries often favor fines or incarceration, whilst modern school discipline generally avoids physical correction altogether. Although corporal punishment is still used in many domestic settings, it has been banned in seventeen countries.

Swatting a 2 year old on the bottom is acceptable. Literally spanking a young adult is not. It is abuse. Do not let it continue.

Answer 2

Your daughter is 15 years old!!! There is no reason for you to raise your hand or the hand of your BOYFRIEND to her at any time!! Why do parents believe when they become parents that spanking, a barbaric use of violence and a sad way to punish, is the only answer. YOU hated it when you were that age, do you really think those feelings are any different in your daughter? She is at a rough age, as it is, to add violence regaurdless of how mild you may believe it to be, is still violence. She is conflicted 99.9% of the time and her acting out is part of the battle. She isn't an adult and she isn't a child! What is she? Well, Mom, thats where you come in! What did you want from your parents when you were her age? Stop and think before you allow you BOYFRIEND to spank a female who is nearly an adult and not a child. This is a subject very raw to me because after having 2 daughters and 2 sons all grown and now having children of their own you must stop looking at the day to day and start looking at the bigger picture. Please be honest with yourself because to be perfectly honest with you, none of us know you or anything except the question you just asked. Our oppinions means diddily squat unless you really want this problem to stop. It sounds to me like you care and don't want him to be spanking your daughter, however your conflicted because you believe that if you say anything to him you may upset the cart and cause problems in the relationship with him. You may have a difficult time correcting your daughter and incase you haven't noticed, it is always easier for others to give advice and punish your children better than you. Remember you gave birth to that child of yours and nobody will love her like you can and will. Now, that I'm done preaching at you, all I can say is Good Luck and don't stop loving that girl of yours. She doesn't know it right now, but her mother loves her more than her own life, so show her

Answer 3

Are you serious?

Why is your boyfriend talking about spanking your child? Why is your boyfriend doing the disciplining? Why is spanking a teenager being considered? Isn't she too old to be spanked? Why is she so out of control that a "last resort" is even needed? Whose running your house? Seems like everyone but you!!

Biggest question: Why are you letting your boyfriend tell you how to raise your daughter? You need to grow up, take up for your kid, and set everybody straight.

Answer 4

The only thing spanking teaches is that violence solves problems. The only time you should spank a child is when they have put themselves in immediate danger. For example, if a young child tried to run out in the road, it would be acceptable to spank him once or twice and tell him no. At 15, you're pretty much past that point and your boyfriend should find a better way to disciple your daughter.

Answer 5

Well i don't believe in spanking kids is a right thing to do, talk to them first and let them express how they feel about the situation and then you express how you feel about it, and then you say your the adult and you are going to handle the situation in a positive way that both parties will agree.

Sure the dad is the man of the house, she should be more frighten of him then you, but still, violence agaisnt your own daughter is a little wrong, talk to your BF, tell him to take things more slow. She might get scared of her own father if he keeps hitting her, this could grow into something more serious when she grows up.

If you can't handle your issues with your daughter, you should have not opened your legs in the first place.

Best of luck to you and your daughter.

Answer 6

Spanking is an innapropriate punishment for a teenager, especially if you are allowing your boyfriend (who is not even related to your daughter) do this to her. It's degrading andit has a very sexual connotation for men. If you're having problems with her, YOU need to confront these isues with her as her parent. It is no one else's responsibility. Plus by dealing with her yourself you are actually showing her you care about her and keeping her from building up bitterness against you in her heart. If she already has bitterness, there's no other way to get around it then you two working together. She's becoming an adult, help her reason through her emotions and problems. Best wishes!

Answer 7

29 year old boyfriend......by this I am assuming he is not your daughter's father......yes this is inappropriate.15 years is too old to be spanked. Unless your boyfriend is a father or a step father(for at least a couple years) discipline of your daughter should be left completely up to you.

Answer 8

I think so. I don't see that anything good could come of it. There are many other ways of disciplining a 15 yr old. At that age I don't think spanking is ever appropriate regardless of who does it, but especially by a 29-year-old male who isn't her father!

Answer 9

Completely inappropriate! I would question my boyfriends motives. I never heard of anyone spanking anyone at that age. You need to take hold, your boyfriend is not the one to discipline your daughter, it's you. What does your daughter say about this to you?

Answer 10

I have a 15 year old stepdaughter who is sometimes just hideous and nothing else works... not time out... not sentences... not privilege removal... not writing essays about what she's done wrong... but...

Don't spank her.

Have her do push-ups instead.

We sent this one to a military academy for summer program and now, as disciplinary actions, she runs laps around the outside of the house and does push-ups. If your princess isn't a push-up candidate, have her do other exercise instead.

Think boot camp... seriously... this one has learned that whenever she screws up... there's push-ups involved and she's started to limit her own screw-ups.

Spanking a 15 year old is going to be questionable fodder for social services. Trust me on that one. Think boot camp. Discuss the new method with him. Then present it to her. Leave it there. Boot camp.