I have been involved with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. During that time we have had many ups and downs, however I don't see us as a good "fit". He's a pessimist, I'm an optimist, he's Jehovah's Witness and I'm pentecostal. He's antisocial with my friends, I've never met his. The list goes on and on.
In addition to all these things he's bipolar and he has a crazed baby mama. Well he recently had a stroke of bad luck in which he lost his job and his apartment. I'm going to stay with him until he gets back on his feet. But once he has done that, I need to let this relationship go. How do I break things off with him, without sending him over the edge???
2006-09-22 08:06:27 · 28 answers · asked by Slice 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
IF YOU STAY WITH HIM, HE WILL NEVER GET BACK ON HIS FEET. WITH YOU THERE TO TAKE CARE OF HIM, MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIM, AND ENABLE HIM TO BE DEPENDANT ON YOU, WHY SHOULD HE EVER BOTHER TO GET ON HIS OWN TWO FEET?
YOU ARE AN ENABLER. YOU ARE MAKING A BAD INVESTMENT.
SOMEWHERE IN YOUR PAST, SOMEONE CONVINCED YOU THAT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS WELL-BEING, AND HIS FELINGS. THAT MAKES YOU CO-DEPENDENT.
YOU ARE FEELING IT, THOUGH. YOU ARE WANTING TO BE SET FREE, AND TO STOP HAVING THE LIFE DRAINED OUT OF YOU........
WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU? TRUST YOUR GUT INSTICNT, AND RUN FAR AND FAST.
THIS PERSON HAS SO MUCH BAGGAGE HE NEEDS A U-HAUL. THAT'S HIS CHOICE, BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT IT'S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO CARRY IT FOR HIM.
YOU CAN DO BETTER. YOU DESERVE BETTER. FIND A GUY WHO WANTS TO GIVE TO YOU RATHER THAN TAKE FROM YOU.
FIND A GUY WHO MAKES YOU WANT TO BRAG ABOUT HIM TO YOUR FRIENDS.
2006-09-22 08:12:49 · answer #1 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been in a similar situation and thought about it a lot, just like you are doing. I finally decided to tell him as gently and kindly as possible, being very careful in my words. For example, saying it is just not a good fit is much better than saying he is not the right one for you. And, letting him know that you've thought about it a long time and you have known for a while it wasn't working, but that because you care about him you waited until he was back on his feet. In the end, though, you can only do your best and let go of the outcome. His issues are not your responsibility and it's important for you to realize and remember that so he isn't able to "guilt" you into coming back. I wish you a happy future!
2006-09-22 15:13:45 · answer #2 · answered by Zebra4 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T MOVE IN WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!! Girl, you will never get rid of him and he will NEVER get a job. If he's bipolar and antisocial he's looking for someone to take care of him because he can't function in the real world. I tell you this from experience...I'm not talking out of my @ss here O.K. And not to mention...he will come to resent the fact you are an extrovert and have friends...and when he's on the that bipolar swing things can get really really bad if you know what I mean. There's is nothing more scary than a bipolar angry person.
Don't do it girl....leave now not later.
2006-09-22 15:11:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Save yourself the head ache and the drama, let HIM break up with YOU. I know from experience (and the loss of the tip of my left index finger) not to mess around with that type of guy, you really do need to let him feel like he needs to leave you. Then, when he tries to come back, just deny him that way- it's mych easier for him to deal with than you rejecting him from the beginning (follow me?)
Try incinuating you may have another relationship or something. I know this may not be the best approach, but really- for your safety and sanity, I would take this approach.
OR
Move out his things, change all of your #'s & the locks, then tell him you're done.
2006-09-22 15:18:38 · answer #4 · answered by Robin R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your idea of kindness is really a false kindness.
If he is really a Jehovah's Witness, he should not be dating outside his faith. Simply remind him of that, and share these Scriptures:
(Exodus 23:32) You are not to conclude a [marriage or other] covenant with them or their gods.
(Deuteronomy 7:3) And you must form no marriage alliance with [unbelievers]. Your daughter you must not give to his son, and his daughter you must not take for your son.
(1 Corinthians 7:39) She is free to be married to whom she wants, only in the Lord.
(Nehemiah 13:25) You should not give your daughters to [the unbeliever's] sons, and you should not accept any of their daughters for your sons or yourselves.
(2 Corinthians 6:14) Do not become unevenly yoked with unbelievers.
Learn more:
http://www.watchtower.org/library/w/1999/2/15/article_01.htm
2006-09-22 17:26:15 · answer #5 · answered by achtung_heiss 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
just put it straight to his face, it may sound cruel but he just have to face it one day or another.
i admit that it was the same with me eight years ago, she just get her new boyfriend and show-off infront of me while saying good-bye. it might because of what she did that day that not only drove me with hatred to all the girls but my angst toward humanity as well, yet it give me the reason to survive as to see the worst that Heaven shall fall upon them, where i will kill myself for someone and anyone i despise so much.
but as my days passes by i started to motivate myself with an optimistically pessimistic philosophy with any coming curcumstance, as i'll not hope so much and i'll not hurt so bad.
but if he can't find his own motivation, well i've to say that he might wanted to book himself a one way ticket to hell.
2006-09-22 15:24:46 · answer #6 · answered by marxice21 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're a real Christian you have to give it to God in prayer - not just once, but all the time until it is resolved, like a dog with a bone.
Ask God to show you what to do. Maybe possibly he'll change or you'll start to love him anyway. If you've had sex with him, you're man and wife in God's eyes as far as I can see.
2006-09-22 15:11:25 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
He will go over the edge, no matter what you do.
Be up front and honest that the differences are too great to overcome and that, for both of you, it is best to part
2006-09-22 15:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't wait until he is back on his feet, do it now. Here's why, when he does get back on his feet and finally gets going again, he will feel more sucessful. Trust me, do it for his sake. It's like the old saying "When it rains, it pours. When it's sunny, it shines" Don't toy with him, just do it now!
2006-09-22 15:11:51 · answer #9 · answered by the one who knows 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be sweet and end it smoothly don't hang out with him it will only give him false hope and don't talk to him for 2 months. then you can talk a little but not the way it used to be. His heart will be broken regardless of your actions just give him the space he needs to define himself.
2006-09-22 15:11:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋