Putting Mom in a Nursing home?

Question

I had to put my Mom in a nursing home temporaily when her caregiver(my Aunt) got sick. Now it looks like it will be perminant. I have been taking care of my Mom since I was 15 & now I am over 40. The home is close by so I go every day to see her. Please give me suggestion on how to tell Mom I can't bring her home.

Answer 1

i work in a nursing home i know it is very hard for family's just be honest with her and let her know you will still come see her every day let her know you,re not deserting her but its for her own safety and proper care she can get 24/7. bless you i see so many bring them in then forget about them it really hurts to see this daily . knowing they raised them but when the time came to return care they put them away don't want the responsibility but some have no other choice i know but they do come by everyday. just let her know you'll still be around

Answer 2

U r in a very unique situation. U were only a child when u started taking care of mom, and it seems as though no one else is willing to do this. If u can find someone who will be there with u when u tell her, that will help u through it alot. You've been taking care of her for a long time, I don't think u will just give up on that, and I'm sure she will see that u will still be there for her. It however depends on her physical and mental state. As long as u don't miss a beat on visiting her and caring for her every need, all will be well. Besides, if she's well enough, she will soon be chattering with others her age at the home, and have a grand time talking about the old days.
God Bless

Answer 3

Wow, there is no easy way to do that babe. It will help if the doctor is there with you so he can explain why. Have you considered you and your aunt jointly handling the burden so that its a bit easier on both or you, maybe then you could bring her home.......if nothing else, you and your family need to discuss it so that if she gets to the point of hospice care you can at least come to some sort of an arrangment to bring her home then. It sounds like your mom isn't terminal, but unfortunantly they often start to let go once they are in a nursing home so you need to be prepared for that.

Its ok to have the doctor there with you when you talk to your mom and its ok if he has to tell her because you are crying too much to say it yourself. There will be a burden transfered, only slightly lifted and another one falls upon you as it is difficult to go to a home every day and spend quality time, if you can participate in outings that helps, if she can come home on weekends that helps too.

My prayers will be with you....

Answer 4

IIt depends how long aunt will be sick and how serious her condition and do you have a very busy schedule. I do feel you. Is there something have limited time in your busy day?

Sometimes we can push ourselves too far above of what we allow ourselves.There's always a support group within a Nursing
Facility..

First tell her that you still love her and do to whatever your circustances are you have to do this at best interest. Do this now that is if she doesn't have to have 24 hour care, Speak with the nurse in charge also check her primary physcian.

Been there , done that, but I cared for my mother with my father
until his demise, then I took control at her home and mines with
professional help.

Be strong and good luck with your mother.

Answer 5

Don't know how old your Mother is. My Mother is 102 yrs old and she has been staying with her granddaughter for several years now. Her health isn't good. She keeps getting her granddaughter up in the wee hours of the night wanting something that she doesn't really need. Her granddaughter is in her 40's and works full time as a nurse. It has become very hard for her to take care of my mother and keep a full time job, so it has been decided that she must go into a nursing home cause she needs full time care. My mother's condition now is that she doesn't know where she is when she gets there, so if anybody tells her why she can't stay at home she wouldn't understand if someone told her. All her kids (3) are in our 70's so it not possible for us to take care of her. I don't know if this helps or not. It's not easy when you get as old as my mother.

Answer 6

Break it to her gently. Remind her that you are only a phone call away. If she is "able bodied", perhaps take her for an outing every now and then. I worked at a nursing home for 15 years and I have seen family members "dumped off", but there are some very good ones there that provide their personal care items and such. You may want to ask social services to help or even go with you to tell her. Hopefully she will understand. Best of luck to you and your mom dear.

Answer 7

I have been there - so sorry. It hurts beyond belief. Don't condemn yourself with guilt - each person has their own circumstances that not everyone understands. I think I would gently explain to her that the only place that she can be safe is right there in the nursing home. I've seen families who try to "care" for their mother or father and they can't keep them safe. People with dementia need 24 hour care. So few people today can do that financially and doing it by yourself will bring to your knees with exhaustion and emotional stress. If someone is able to do it and the elder person gets all the care they need - well more power to them. It's hard to know how your mom will feel - it so depends on her level of care and her emotional needs. God's Blessings to you.

Answer 8

Putting a loved one in a nursing home is a tough decision for anyone. I just went through it with my Grandpa. Make sure you visit her often and keep her updated and informed of what is happening in the world and in your life and the lives of the other family members. If the home allows it take her to places... dinner, church, just over to your house for a few hours so she can get away. She will understand if you don't cut her off completely.

Answer 9

That it a tough one. I have been in your shoes and it is not an easy conversation to have. Unfortuantely my schedule and home life would not allow me to continue the care. I would explain to her why you cannot bring her home and assure her that you will visit her as often as possible where you live close by. Tell her that you feel it is best that she is there so she can receive the best possible care and she is there because you love her and do not want to see her needs neglected....if she sees it in that way it may make her feel better in some sense.

Answer 10

Why cant you? She cared for you when you were helpless. I understand you have your own seperate life to live but did she think that way about her freedom when you were too small or sick to fend for yourself? If yes,than leave her ***. If no, than yo should bring her home,espeically if shes asking you to. She's old and needy and so you just dump her in unknown territory with people who dont really care. She's probably scared of her fate and dosnet want to die alone. Hire somebody to keep her company while your gone or need you time. She's your mom,not a burden.