How can I help my daughter?

Question

My daughter was molested and raped and even tortured by her cousin, a babysitter, and more recently, a random 40 year old. She is very moody, she's been drinking, sexually promiscuous, and she has been diagnosed with a variety of mental health disorders, including BPD. She lives with her father, even though I have custody of her, because she just won't talk to me, but relates to him. My ex called me this morning and told me that our daughter has been cutting herself with a knife, repeatedly. She won't talk to therapists. She won't take medication. I really don't know what to do to help her. She is getting to be alot of trouble for us to deal with. How can I help her?

she is 16 years old

Answer 1

GOOD FOR YOU
for trying to get your daughter the help she so desperatley needs.

My best advice to you:
as her legal guardian and her mother, you can have her committed to a psychiatric ward. I know this sounds harsh, but this truly will help her. She will be forced to go and see a therapist and she will get the help she so desperately needs.
You've done all you can!

GOD BLESS
and
GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

She should be committed before the age of 18 because legally you probably have more rights.

Make sure that the facility can deal with a person committed against her will, that the facility is extremely secure, that she is monitored for suicide during the period in which she refuses to talk to therapists and that they are able to administer medication against her will. Make sure that you have provided the facility with all of her medical and therapy reports. Type up a report of your own, detailing her psychological problems. Include all of the police reports for the prosecution of her cousin, the babysitter and the 40 year old as they provide 3rd party substantiation for what you are claiming to be true. Keep a log of her drinking, promiscuity, cutting and any other delinquent behavior. Take photos of the cutting. Make sure her face is in the picture. You can also take a video tape of her in an altered state of mind.

I can't think of any other way you can help her at this point. Basically you want a facility that provides effective treatment and you want to get it right the first time because these places are costly.

Answer 3

I was molested, used to cut, and am in the process of recovering from BPD. I'm also 16. First of all I think it's great you want to help her. What about her dad, you said she relates to him more. Maybe if she won't listen to you then he should have a serious talk with her. I wouldn't go and say send her to a hospital because I've been hospitalized 7 times and it never really did anything for me. A good therapist is very important and many therapists just don't know how to handle people with BPD. Don't be afraid to try many therapists and don't stick with someone if you don't think they're helping her. After 5 years of sticking with bad therapist I finally found the right one and am getting better now. You need to know there's hope but she won't start getting better until she realizes she needs to and she actually works at it. A personality disorder is going to mean a lot of hard work on her part. You need to stress to her how much you dislike her behavior and how dangerous it is. It wasn't until I met my current therapist that I really realized how much I needed to change. In my opinion therapy is very important but if she does keep doing dangerous things and you're worried, take her to the ER. Maybe a hospitalization could help her realize how much she needs to change. But don't count on the hospital to make everything better.

Answer 4

I am so so sorry for you. Nothing is more painful than seeing your child hurting. She has been thru so much that it is sure to have affected her this way. You say she relates to her father? Does she actually talk to him about the things that have happened to her and if so, does he know what to say? Probably not. She needs professional help and it is her parent's responsibility to get it for her even if it means hospitalizing her. She will thank you later. You still have "control" because she is a minor, so do it now.

Answer 5

Some of the behaviour might be normal for a teenager. And what medication are you giving her? My ex-girlfriend used to cut herself, too.
She might feel that you are condemning her in some way, might feel that she had done something to deserve being raped and tortured... it is very tricky, especially in that age.
It of course would be beneficial for her to go into a new environment for a while- whether that is an institution or a holiday I leave to you.

Answer 6

You should take her to the hospital and have her commited until she is well enough to come out again. becareful with the whole BPD thing because therapist tend to put that label on someone when they don't know whats wrong with them. i know because they did that to me but go get your kid and get her the help she needs before it's to late

Answer 7

Who is the adult here? You are still responsible for her and you should be the one deciding what treatment she will get - not her. Do something now, regardless of what she wants, because you'll lose that right in 2 years. It's much better for you to force her into treatment now than her to wind up dead or in prison. You'll regret it if you don't do all you can and something happens to her.

Answer 8

No matter how much she fihts it, she needs to speak to a therapist. As her parent, you really need to push this on her.

Not trying to sound nosy, but from personal experience, my parents forced me to see a therapist, and it worked perfectly. After a few sessons, you really have a bond with the therapist and can tell them anything.

I wish you luck and may you and your daughter be healthy.

Answer 9

Sounds like it is time for some seerious hospital time. This is too much for a layperson, you need professional in house help for her.

Answer 10

Your husband or you can have her committed to a psych ward for observation, with a coroner because she is harming herself.