How can I get closer with my father?

Question

When I was young I remember him being my hero and I would often kiss his cheek or forehead for no apparent reason. I LOVE YOU DADDY was a very common phrase. I remember wanting to be a nurse, not because I actually wanted to but because he admired them. As a teenager, I was NEVER embarrassed of him and even hoped he would pick me up from school sometimes. I simply adored him and thought he was the best dad on earth. Even still I never had a heart to heart. I never told him about my first kiss or date. I never asked him about boy or life problems. Of course, I never did this with my mom either.

One time I burst into tears and he lectured me about something, but I never looked him in the eye. And I still really can't. I've felt uncomfortable around him for a while.. maybe since I lost my virginity, but I cant remember when it started? There are things that I've gone through that I would never tell him and know that might be a reason, but Im not sure. Cont....

One of those things that I never mentioned to him but recently told was that I am an interracial dater. He doesnt like the fact that I date anybody other than black guys.

I date white guys on the regular and he hates it. So now he's gotten really difficult to talk to. He hasnt disowned me or anything and still looks out for me so to speak, but he has this blatant disapproval. I refuse to become a closeminded person and stop dating who I want to for anybody. BUT I know that even before this 'issue' I still was never as close with my father as I would have liked to be. This is just another block distancing us from each other. His opinion has a huge impact on me. It still hurts when I disappoint him.


I dont have a very close bond with him, my mother or my 6 siblings. But at least around mom and sibs I am not afraid to voice my opinion. When I am around my dad I feel like he is a stranger. I can't be who I am, I just laugh at his jokes and agree with him.

Its always been this way for years before the interracial thing. I just dont have a bond. I wish I could just tell him how my day went, but I doubt that he would be interested. I'd like to get his advice on things and look him in the eye and be sincere. And take him out to lunch, but we have nothing in common and it would be too awkward.

Also he still talks to me like Im a 14 year old. He breaks things down step by step and holds that 'tone' in his voice. Im like dad I already know how to do that!

I'm jealous of teens on tv who bond with their dad and seem to be living the normal life. Im waiting for that big leap when one day it'll just click. But no luck yet.

Im thinking of asking him to help me shop for a car, since he knows cars reallly good and is tough and can negotiate better than me. But I feel like Im asking a favor and why would he do a favor for me? Plus it would be really awkward.

My father raised me and he's never molested or 'beat' me, so why do I treat him like a stranger?
Sometimes I wish that he would have abandoned us then these feelings might have been legitimate, but he was there. He was a providing father! He worked his butt off to make sure we had the food and the roof! So how come I feel so estranged??!!

I dont know whats wrong with me? Why cant I just be real and talk to him? What am I ashamed of? What can I do to bond with him? Am I the only one this way? Also fathers on here how would you like your adult daughter to bond with you? Who should make the first move? How do I say I love you?


sorrry so long not enough characters on yahoo...

Answer 1

Sounds like you have a really great dad but a dad that you are afraid you dissapoint. Your dads love to you is unconditonal. He can love you but not what you are doing.Ask your dad to help you pick out a car. that might be the start of a great relationship. I dont know who but men really dont knowhow to communicate with there kids as easy as moms do, but that doesnt mean he doesnt care.Your dad probably remembers back to when he was young and all the things he use to do. give him a chance. I bet he will love it. Oh yeah somethings they say need to go in one ear and out the other lol if you know what i mean. just accept him for what he is. Your dad.

Answer 2

I've been estranged from my father for 6 years, until recently. Perseverance is the answer. Keep trying and don't give up. Don't give him any reason to not want to be close to you. Keep your personal life personal. (at least until you have a solid relationship with him).
You'll always be a young girl that doesn't know anything in his eyes. At least until you prove him different.
You could let him read this question...that would pretty much tell him how you feel.
Best of Luck...it'll come.

Answer 3

Well I have a black husband and I am white and both of our families had people who were opposed to the fact we were going to be a interracial couple, but I to think you know I love my family, but like you said I won't chage my views for anyone. Eventually they came around and seven years later I have a uncle who is finallly coming around all you can do is keep loving them and continue to involve them in things that you can don't think about asking you dad to go with as being awkward, but think of it as being a good opportunity.

Answer 4

Buy 2 tickets to a ball game, just the 2 of you, have a couple of hot dogs, talk about things in general. See where it goes.

Answer 5

if u could share your heart in such detail with perfect strangers like us ,then why not with your father?!! at least just share ALL your thoughts with him and listen to what he has to say!! mutual acceptance will come surely one day!! the tree of understanding will grow but at least u first plant the seed!!

Answer 6

wow this is way to long .Sum it up and write another question.