Should I tell my Dad?

Question

Last year I split up with my husband of 18 year, we have 2 children 16 and 13. I have already been married before for a couple of years. I am 45. The thing is my dad is 99 and I don't want to worry him with all this stuff about re-morgaging and buying my husband out cos I think he is too old to worry about stuff like so Ive never told him about it. I now have a new boyfriend who want to meet my Dad and he keeps asking me to tell him. Do you think I should tell my Dad or leave him happy in ignorant bliss?

Answer 1

As long as your father is still mentally alert, I would tell him. Maybe start out saying that you didn't want him to worry about you so you've put off letting him know, but you and your husband are divorced (didn't your dad wonder where his SIL was?). Reassure your dad that you're handling everything just fine, your financial situation is OK, and the kids are OK. Give him time to adjust to this news. Then, if you're really serious about the boyfriend, introduce him to your dad. But do it in stages (we've known each other for a while, we're dating, we're moving in together, we're getting married), not all at once.

I was in a marginally similar situation years ago. I was engaged to a man, introduced him to my elderly grandmother in Japan, but then we broke up. My mom didn't tell my grandmother, so when I married a different guy a couple years later, my grandmother was very confused when she saw the wedding photos. I wish my mother had let me tell my grandmother the truth so she didn't feel like she'd been deceived by the people who love her.

Answer 2

I think you should leave him happy in ignorant bliss. Don't upset your dad at that age, he will only worry about you. I think your new boyfriend can live without knowing your dad. It sounds a bit iffy to me, why would a grown man keep asking you to tell him. No don't do it, I'm not saying this will happen, but you might not be with your boyfriend that long, before one of you decides its not working, and you will have worried your dad for nothing.

Be wise, not stupid.

All the best with your decision making.

Answer 3

Leave pops in happy ignorant bliss! He's 99 for goodness sake! Do you really think he's going to be around for much longer? Why trouble his last days with all that. If you want, you could bring your boyfriend to meet him and introduce him as your friend. Possibility.

Answer 4

i'm at a loss for words. She's not a actual man or woman. genuinely, a woman who tells adult males what they prefer to pay attention and then scams them. this may well be a leech on society. tell your dad to get off the internet website ASAP. instruct him the data. by potential of those different web pages have been you waiting to %. up her "actual" call. Is she needed? Your dad is being blind-sighted, you will desire to tell him. sometimes people who're lonely are the main gullible and don't see the undesirable area of yet another. that's the dream of happiness that keeps their eyes glossed over. i'm getting corresponding to a packed little room with human beings scamming and guffawing their way into conning lonely human beings. permit him understand.

Answer 5

I would suggest that you make the determination based on what you know of you father, how strong your relationship is, and how he mental health is doing at 99.

My grandmother is 95 and I went through something similar. Not only has she been very supportive, she and my new wife get along wonderfully. My grandmother and I have always been very close, and I think that I would have been sad to not have her know my new life, and to have kept secrets from her.

Nevertheless, had my grandmother been in a position where I felt that telling her may cause a lot of anxiety, I would have not told her. In my case, it was easy to just be forthright and honest about it.

Good Luck.

Answer 6

Would it make any difference to your father's life if he knew you were with a new partner. As previously suggested just introduce your new boyfriend as a friend. Leave your dad in happy ignorant bliss. Hope it all works out well for you.

Answer 7

At 99 years old he deserves to be left in bliss, take your boyfriend to meet your dad, as a friend. It's a myth that parents want to know everything about their kids, we don't, it's ok when they are little and dependent, but when they grow and go..........no, I personally am happy to be left in ignorance, unless I am really needed to help....I also have a life to live

Answer 8

Im thinking that you should not bother telling him? Thats actually a really difficult question....If you do tell your dad you run the risk that he will worry himself silly...however chances are your dad probably knows something is up - hes your dad after all.If this new BF is serious then maybe you should confide in your dad. If he sees you are happy again i dont think he will mind who you are with. Well done on not telling him up until now...You are settled again and if you do go ahead and tell him its the right time.
Sorry i have contradicted myself a bit but that is a real dilema!

Answer 9

Only you can answer this one.

Some of depends on how close you are to your dad, If you don't tell the chances are that the kids will tell grandad anyway.

I don't think the age needs to matter, At 99 your dad has seen and experienced things we will hopefully never see, so don't worry about shocking him.

Answer 10

Honesty is the best policy. Whatever lie you tell now, you will have to tell another for later. The thing about parents is that they know before we even tell them. I am quite sure he will be more understanding than you think. Also, you don't want to set that type of example for you kids by openly lying. You would also be asking them and your new honey to be accessories to your lie. Start the new relationship off right with trust. Good luck!