My mother-in-law thinks my wife is too young to be a mother!?

Question

My mother-in-law is not happy with the idea of my wife being a mother.

I am 25 and she is 23, we have been together for 5 years and married for 2 years.

We are very happy and have a great marriage and life together.

My wife has a college education and a career she loves.

We own a house and are doing very well financially too.

My wife mentioned to her mother that we would like to try for a baby in January 2007.

Her mom got upset and said my wife is too young to be a mother.

My wife will be 24 when the baby is born, my mother-in-law will be 46, and I will be 26/27 years old.

We are starting a family no matter what she says, but how do we deal with my wife’s mother?

Why is she against my wife being a mother at 24?

My wife's mother was 19 when she had her first child, had her second at 21/22 and was divorced at 24. But, my wife isn't making the same mistakes as her mother!

Answer 1

who knows what your mother-in-law is thinking. giving her the benefit of a doubt, i would venture to say that she still sees her daughter as a "baby." is your wife an only child? or only girl? or sometimes eldest or youngest girl?

you know how to take care of your family. if you both feel ready to start a family, then it is time. no matter what her mother says or feels. anyway, when her grandchild comes, it will most likely change her heart completely.

Answer 2

I'd be nice about it, but it's really none of her business. Your wife is definitely not too young. I had my first baby at 23. I'm 25 now, and I'm totally thrilled and happy to be a mom. And trust me.. the younger the better.. the older you get, the more risks are involved (Down's Syndrome and stuff.. you can ask your doctor). Your M.I.L. probably is just scared because of the stuff she went through. Your wife, who probably really needs her mom's support in this, needs to realize that she's not her mom. She is her own person in her own situation. It might even be that your mother in law may actually be jealous of you and your good situation--she sees how content you two are in how you turned out. Now you're thinking of the happiness of having a baby too! How dare you!

Regardless, some things to consider before trying, though, might be to consider the whole "stay at home" mom thing. I know that has become an issue for my husband and I. We can't afford me not working, but we were really hoping to.

Answer 3

Will this be her first grandchild? I would talk to her and let her know that this is you and your wife decision. Let her know that being a new mom can be trying for any woman of any age and the you are counting on her to give you the support that you may need. I am not talking about taking care of the baby I am simply saying that as a mom it is nice to have someone that you trust to talk to and to ask your questions. I think your mother in law will come around and will get very excited about be a grandma as time goes on. Good luck. You will love being a parent.

Answer 4

I don't mean to be rude to your mother in law but she has no business in your married life.
Your mother in law will change her mind when she has a little baby in her arms but I am afraid u may have to put up with some bickering at first.
You wife may be influenced by her her mother but she has no right to say when y'all can have have a baby.
My mother was 19 when she had her first child and that was by choice and also that was about 50 years ago. She had no regrets of that. My Mom had 6 children and now many grandchildren and some great grandchildren.
I am sure your mom in law wants some grand children too.

Answer 5

I'm 24, married and have two kids. My daughter will be 3 in January and my son was born April 7. When my daughter was born I was 21 and my husband was 20. My mother-in-law's reaction to finding out I was pregnant was to say she thought I was on the pill. She also thought we were too young to be parents but we went ahead with it and she has learned to accept it. Now she's very close with her two grandchildren and happy to be a grandmother. These are her only grandkids so far.

Answer 6

Personally, I think your mother in law does not want to be a grandmother at 46. You both told her that you want to start having children of your own and that's that!!!! She should just go on with her life. And you and your wife should do the same. You don't need her approval. I am sure she will fall in love with the baby when it arrives and all will be forgotten. Learn not to take so much bullshit from people and live your life to the fullest. Good luck to you both ; )

Answer 7

You answered your own question. Her mother thinks she will make the same mistakes she made. Being a mother at a young age you have to give up a lot. And maybe her mother (sad to say) regrets having to give up somethings and doesn't want that for her daughter. It sounds like you have already decided to have a baby, so tell her she has to just deal with it. She isn't the one carrying the baby. She will eventually come around. Good luck.

Answer 8

Perhaps it is that she thinks that she is too young to be a grandmother. Just do what feels right for you and your wife. It might be a good idea to have a sitdown talk with your MIL. The two of you can explain to her together that you are not in the same situation that she was at your wife's age. I'm sure that she will be quite happy when the baby actually comes. Good luck.

Answer 9

My opinion is dont let her mother get in the way of what you want? If you both want a child have a child. If you look at it from her perspective she might feel she is getting to old or is not ready for grandchildren. I am 23 and i feel i am ready for a child so your wife should do what she wants. Besides her mother will change her mind once the baby is born.

Answer 10

The mother in law obviously has some fears that link to what she went thru as a young mom. If you two are ready its your choice. She may change her mind once the baby is here, my mom reacted similar and she said it was out of fear and she's a great gramma. I was almost 19 with my first and 23 with my second and married.

Answer 11

There must be something shes not telling you - or is it possible she might be jealous because her daughter is having a great life? i know that sounds awful but thats the first thing that came to my mind. 24 is NOT too young for a child - and it looks like you guys are definitely ready. its not the mothers life, its you and your wife's life and if you're ready then do it. forget about everyone else. you have your own family now :) good luck!