parents do you often feel that you are not doing a good job raising your toddler? how do u control ur anger?

Question

I have a 3 and 1/2 and 18 month. I feel that I can not get anything done. If I do not want them fighting or if I just want peace of mind I have to keep them intertained. I have no time for myself and by the time I get it I'm 2 tired and just want to sleep. any advise? and does it get easier?

Answer 1

It can get easier but you need to get a schedule now. If you do not make a specific schedule to follow then things will not get easier. I have a four and five year old. They have learned that they have breakfast, then go to school, come home eat lunch, take a nap, wake up, go for a walk, come home do chores, (clean room) and yes younger kids can learn to help clean, watch a movie, color, read books, get ready for bed(includes bath) and go to sleep. If you put them on a schedule then they will begin to do alot on there own. I started doing this at age one. They can learn alot. They even notice if I try to change the schedule. Keep in mind if you need a break then ask someone. That is very important that you get the occasional alone time. good luck

Answer 2

Any of us who have had two children that young at the same time have been where you are. When my daughter was born (my second, 15 months and 3 days after the first), before I left the hospital her pediatrician gave me a prescription. It read "Get a babysitter at least once a month for mom time". That was the best advice ANYONE gave me. You have to let your husband, mom, best friend or someone help you. DVD's will help with keeping them entertained, but kids will entertain themselves with blocks, cars, dolls, books, coloring books, etc. Very simple toys, that don't cost a lot. My daughter used to love to play in my Tupperware cabinet, rearranging the plastic bowls and lids. Sure, I had to wash stuff before I could use it, but she would sit in front of that cabinet for hours, and since it was where I could see, I could get laundry done, or sit at the kitchen table and read, or all sorts of things.

It gets easier only because you get the hang of it. They will fight -- it's nature. But if you let them know now that fighting is not acceptable to you, they will do their best not to fight when you are around, because even the 18 month old can grasp consequences. As long as you are consistent.

But figure out a way to get you some "mom time". Take a nap, take a long bath, go shopping, whatever. Just do it without the kids.

Another thing that will help you, and you may already be doing it, is to get dressed every day. Don't lounge around in your robe all day. You will be surprised at how much better you will feel if you get dressed, maybe put a touch of makeup on every once in a while. That won't take 3 minutes out of your day, but it's "you" time.

Toddlers are demanding. But they aren't toddlers long. Don't beat yourself up if you don't get the floor mopped or vacuumed today, or if you have an extra load of clothes because you didn't do them yesterday. Enjoy your babies -- they do grow up!

Good luck -- if you have any specific questions I can help you with, or just need to vent, please email me!

Answer 3

It gets easier. One question.....is there any way to pu t the 3 year old in preschool? Both of mine went to preschool at 3, and not only does it give you a much needed break for a fw hours, but because kindergarten is so much more advanced these days, it is essential for children to start learning earlier.
At any rate, as for the "peace of mind" I wonder why you feel you can not leave their sides? Are YOU yourself very young?
You can get things done if you follow this routine: do something for 5 to 10 minutes, stop, and go check on them, then resume your work.....this lets THEM know that you are not far off, lets you get at least a little accomplished, while also "weaning" you from feeling like you can't leave them.
Also, set up a play area for them close to where you will be. Tell them you are going to do such and such and expect them to behave and play right there. If they do not, utilize the time out method. Start (with kids sooo young...) with 3 minutes, if they another time out for the same thing a little later....go to 5 minutes, and so on. Kids this young are not too young to be taught some basic rules and have them enforced.
Also, if you are married, your husband should offer to keep an eye on them for you so you can get some things done. If not, find a babysitter to take them to one or two days a week for a few hours so you get some me time, and cleaning, shopping time.

Answer 4

I'm not sure when it gets better. I must say it was harder when I was post hormonal, and dealing with bottle feeds, baby issues, when my then 15 month old wanted all my attention and was into everything then. I get fleeting moments here, there, when they find something that entertains them other than me. A lot of the times it is me who has the job of keeping them from getting into too much trouble. But, I've noticed that when one phase is gone, it moves into the next. Now my nearly 3 year old is potty training, and that takes a lot of my energy now too. I find I'm always tired, and have no break or time for myself anymore. I would think it will have to get better. Because I know that it has. It has been easier as the youngest has gotten more independent in one way, but in another way, he's old enough to fight back now; and they fight a lot where I have to break it up, and keep them content. My oldest likes to play on the computer now. So teaching them new skills is a way of giving yourself a little break. But, they are all little breaks. My oldest stopped napping young, basicly when my little one was born, so I feel I have yet to get a good break. But, I'm sure my time will come with that. Good luck to you, I am curious to see what answers come up. Because it's not always easy, and barely ever do we get the recognition for this type of work.

Answer 5

I've found that keeping a large bottle of rum and a few cigars on hand works wonders. When they get too crazy, I just go outside and smoke a cigar and get drunk. LOL OF COURSE I'M KIDDING!! :)

I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 14 month old, and I work full time. I'm gone from 7 a.m. to 6:30 p.m., and then have to get home during "the witching hour" when they're tired and cranky and I still have to fix dinner, clean up, etc. Most days, it really DOES seem like I have no time for myself. Thank GOD my 2 1/2 year old has recently decided he wants to go to bed in his own bed (as opposed to mine), so at 8:30 p.m., he and his little brother go to bed. I have to lie in there with them (or else my older son will come back out). Most nights it takes about 15 minutes until they're both asleep, but once they are--that's the golden hour. I have the rest of the evening to do as I please! I love to cook (LOVE to cook) so sometimes I mix up a casserole for dinner the next night and put it in the fridge, or sometimes I call my sister to catch up (we're very close and she's my soundingboard) or sometimes I even go to bed myself, although that's VERY rare--who wants to waste time sleeping when I have a perfectly quiet house all to myself? lol

My advice to you is--once they're in bed, go to sleep yourself. It would be nice to have time to yourself, but if you're this tired, you're probably short-tempered too, and that's not good when it comes to toddlers. :) Maybe one night a week you can stay up after they're asleep to have time for yourself. :)

Answer 6

wow, we are in the same boat. i have a 3 1/2 year old and a 19 month old. i feel just like you do, stretched too thin, exhausted, frustrated.... i would normally enlist my husband to take over when i feel burnt out but for me, that is not an option as my husband is deployed. we live in a foreign country right now and our family lives literally, on the other side of the world. i enrolled my older child (son) in a day program that he attends everyday and i take my younger one (daughter) to play group once a week and on a play date here and there. it's not much, but the break from my son is a god send and sometimes i can ask a friend to watch my daughter for me so i can just be alone. if you ever wanna vent kids, you can email me. ;)

Answer 7

controlling you anger is difficult, but you have no choice. if you feel like screaming, go into your bedroom and scream into your pillow, but never scream at the kids.
find something that will entertain them without you continually watching them, like a special movie (baby einsteins are great).... if that doesn't work, maybe you could find a babysitter for a few hours a week that will stay in your house and play with the kids while you are busy (maybe a grandparent or friend you've known for a while)
it'll get easier when they are a little older, but parenting is never easy.

Answer 8

Your best bet is to just ask for some help. Maybe arrange for EVERY thursday someone else takes over (your mom or signifacant other, or a friend) and you can get out. Maybe see a movie or get your nails done or even just go for a walk. My daughter is 21months old and i am a single mom. Before her father started taking her overnight regularly, i was feeling just as burned out as you are. But now he has her 2 nights a week. It enables me to get things done as well as just have time to breathe.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

you have to find time for yourself find a baby sitter get out for an hour or 2
you cant take your anger out on your kids.
yes you have to keep them entertained that is how they learn and gain their social skills
they are babys they are learning from others
those kids should be what you live for. What you breath for. Why you wake up in the morning.
be glad that you have them and they are healthy.

Answer 10

I feel your pain, patience is hard with little ones, I try to think of how my actions will affect thier future. I also leave my kids with my husband when I go grocery shopping or get a night out with the girls