Whenever I have a dispute with someone, I tend to have trouble paying attention to what yhey're trying to say. And it's difficult for me to speak my side of the story. Then after it's all over, I remember the things I was supposed to say to make my point. Unfortunately, it's too late by then, and I've already made a fool of myself. Is there something wrong with me? Rude remarks will be reported, so don't even go there! Thanks!
2006-09-22 04:35:58 · 34 answers · asked by Road Trip 3 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Not at all... used to happen to me all the time... I'd get so upset I couldn't say anything but later would think of tons to say... Now I have found that I can easily avoid the frustration by avoiding disputes to begin with...
2006-09-22 04:37:53 · answer #1 · answered by Andy FF1,2,CrTr,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
I don't think there is anything wrong with you. If you are having a dispute with someone take some time and cool off before even speaking to that person or addressing their issues. I know that when I get upset I am the same way. And if it is really important and most disputes are not, then write down what you want to say
2006-09-22 04:40:57 · answer #2 · answered by saved_by_grace 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have this same problem. When you get upset, your mouth stops working or something. I hate that.
It's helping me to speak up about everything. Not just when I'm upset, but like when someone bumps me hard and doesn't say anything. I call them on it. Or doesn't let me finish my sentences, I tell them to let me finish. This has helped me be able to organize my thoughts and speak them.
Also, it's perfectly acceptable to go back and talk about passed disagreements if you feel you weren't heard the first time. Sometimes that is even better, letting the emotions die down so you can talk.
Don't settle for the easiest thing for the sake of avoiding an arguement. Insist on your own way every now and then. When appropriate of course.
Speak up, we can't here you :)
2006-09-22 04:52:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem during a heated exchange. Often times when the other person is shouting and practically spitting - lol! - or way off topic, I just let them rant. No point I could possibly make will be heard anyway! During "normal" disputes I'm fine.
Something that works pretty well for me is, I let the other person say what they want to say, then, ask for a moment to address their point. Sometimes they let me, sometimes they don't. Sometimes my counter is strong and sometimes it's not.
To answer your main question, no, I don't think there is anything "wrong" with you.
2006-09-22 04:58:53 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, putting rude remarks will be reported will probably dissuade some answers that may have helped. However, it does show that you have no problem making your point when you are typing. If someone is having a dispute with you and you are not paying attention to them then maybe what they are saying is just not important to you. It is not always necessary for there to be a winner in an argument if the argument does not matter to you.
2006-09-22 04:41:14 · answer #5 · answered by MЯ BAIT™ 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You seem to suffer from the human -condition. If only people would wait around I always think of the perfect thing to say a couple of hours later. Just when someone is saying something you believe to be wrong. Instead of shutting off your ears because they are wrong. try to listen so you can tell them why they are wrong. Of coure, when you don't agree with them they think you are wrong as well. and afterwards feel foolish and think of the perfect thing to say as well. But maybe when you take it from a different perspective so you can tell them why they are wrong you will learn you are both saying a similar thing. It took me a while to get past that to and not always do I now. Sometimes when talking to a person we both end up laughing because we realize together that we are both wrong.
The stuff you are saying does not sound that unusual though.
2006-09-22 04:57:27 · answer #6 · answered by Grev 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, That's how I used to think. When I was introverted, the only time I could ever think of what I really wanted to say was when I was laying down about to sleep. It's the same reason the best ideas come to people while they're in the shower or use the toilet. It's something about being quiet and aware of yourself that really lets your realize what's going on, rather than paying attention to the chaos of the moment. Really focus on how you feel during the dispute and you will be able to say what you have to say, and what you mean. The more calm and focused you get the better you will do at it.
2006-09-22 04:46:29 · answer #7 · answered by Answerer 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
First of all do you stutter when you are trying to get your words out quickly?
Because if you do then it can be a nerve related condition, some people who stutter generally do so because they feel the pressure to get their words out quickly or they feel that they aren't being heard or that their opinion is being drowned out by other peoples.
As for you not being able to pay attention or how you said that you seem to say things that are unacceptable by others....that sounds like a case of possible Attention Defecit Disorder (ADD).
Unfortunately most of us aren't professional therapists or behavioralists here on Yahoo answers, so I think you should speak with someone who is. If this is something that is bothering you then atleast tell your family doctor who can point you in the right direction.
I can only speak from my experience with a few family members who have had similar issues. They felt embarrassed by what they experienced so they got help & now they seem a lot happier.
I hope I could help. Good Luck!!
2006-09-22 04:37:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
No I dont think there is anything wrong....I think we all do that to a certain point....when you are upset it sometimes hard to think absolutely clearly and we tend to say too much or not say enough. I have had the same experiences where after the fact I thought of so many good valid points that I should have made and didnt...and like you said it was too late at that point. I think it is just human nature for us all to do that....I wouldnt worry about it being an issue just for you!
2006-09-22 04:39:36 · answer #9 · answered by Stacy H 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Confrontations are difficult. Sometimes one gets so emotional the words wanting to come out get all jumbled up & nothing but gobbledygook is spoken. Try to imagine yourself in a confrontation & imagine you are giving your attention to what is being said to you. Then imagine what you want to say back. Visualizing can teach you to gain some control over your emotions during a confrontation. Try & try again. Your opinion is as important as the next person.
2006-09-22 05:04:14 · answer #10 · answered by curiousgeorge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, its perfectly normal. Some people just dont argue well. its an aquired skill, some pick it up quicker than others. Youre not the quicker other is all.
Theres nothing wrong with you, not in the least.
FYI, if your dispute is with a woman, you will ALWAYS walk away having looked like a fool and not saying what you should have said.
the most lousey aruging woman automatically far better at disputing and arguing than the best arguing man.
Its nature baby :)
2006-09-22 04:38:57 · answer #11 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋