Saying that they did not say certain things?
Saying that they did not do certain things?
Like for example they did not thow an object that they set it down?
Using as soft and fake voice?
Asking for forgiveness?
Telling someone to put thing in the past and forget about them?
Saying it is not abuse because they did not strike the person?
Telling the person that they should not be affraid there is nothing to be affraid of?
Having rage that boils over to the point that the where the person is shaking and the person is grinding his teeth.
Blaming others for his problems. Saying he needs things and then not doing them to help himself.
Threating to lie in the future so it does not cause conflict.
Please tell me which if any of these are patterns of abusers. Please do not number them. Just say which one if any.
I am trying to understand abuse that is not the typical beating or physical kind.
Any help in understanding this would be great.
2006-09-22 04:21:46 · 17 answers · asked by adobeprincess 6 in Health ➔ Mental Health
********He says it is my fault because I verbally pushed him to the edge.**********
No I do not live with him. He has a key to my home however. I am trying to end this thing. He is ambivolent and sort of wants to keep me and kind of does not at the same time. He says I am really sweet, but on the other hand I reminded him of his mom this time.******** I was just trying to communicate, but I set of some sort of land mine in him******* There are some land mines I do not know where they are he comes from a very phycically violent extended family and wants to leave that behind him. It is full of punching strangling and hair pulling. A gun was once pulled, but no one was killed. I was not concerned because he said he wanted to leave that behind and was concenred about me being violent. I am nothing of the sort. Perhaps that was a smoke screen to fool me in retrospect.********
2006-09-22 04:42:57 · update #1
***********I used to love him. I still have enough of my self intact. This is my 2nd abusive relationship in my life. This one snuck up on me. I am just trying to understand it. He keeps calling me and confusing me. I have my own place. I just need to secure my place from him**********
2006-09-22 04:48:07 · update #2
Oh there has been all this body image stuff about how fat and weak I am. I was recently punished by not being allowed to go to a wedding I was really looking forward to. That was the begininning of the end. I am sick and I am told to walk faster all the time when I cannot. Then I am told how sick and incapable I am then I am not alllowd leway and compassion for it. I get the worst of both worlds. His friends get to bash on me and tell me I am letting myself go. I have told him goodbye and to have a goodlife because he gave me an utimatum to deal with him or leave. Then he told me not to say goodbye. He hates it when I tell him I am scared of him because he wants to think of himself as the nice kind guy and not the scarry guy.
2006-09-22 04:54:00 · update #3
I am scared of him. my dog is scared of him. My dog has hidden when he has seen his rage.
2006-09-22 04:54:45 · update #4
My dog is not a fearful dog and does not hide. I have had my dog his full life and he has not been abused. He is a very confident dog.
2006-09-22 04:55:37 · update #5
Moving is not an option.
2006-09-22 05:00:44 · update #6
This guy has an anger and rage problem. Yes, he is emotionally and verbally abusing you. He is currently using objects to throw around instead of you. Take it from me, if you don't get rid of him, you're next. And yes, he can hurt your dog.
2006-09-22 08:34:26 · answer #1 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Each of these things is the sign of a potential and abuser and more than a couple of them together are the certain signs of mental and verbal abuse. Abusers will do anything to justify their behavior and attempt to minimize their own culpability - including trying to make you feel crazy for thinking that they are an abuser. Anyone living with this type of abuser should get immediate help from a therapist or other mental health professional to get assistance in looking at their options. Expecting the abuser to get help is a long shot and no one should be abused. Not adults and certainly not children (who will run a much higher risk of becoming abusers if they live in this situation for extended periods). It seems unfair that you should have to go for help since your not the abuser, but trust me, a good therapist can help you to objectively look at your options and make the right decision for you. Keep in mind, too, the abuse is not your fault and it is unlikely that changing your behavior with or toward the abuser will change anything. There is a deep psychological problem with this person that you can't fix. Good luck!
2006-09-22 04:34:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh, sweetie, every last one of them is abuse. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Please get help. I know you love him, sometimes you gotta use "tough love". Leaving and getting help, and insisting he does the same, may make him come around and change. But sweetie, sometimes they don't.
This is his problem, not yours. There is nothing you did or didn't do that caused this. (no matter what he says) There is nothing you can do to change it. He has to.
This sort of abuse gets worse until he starts hitting you. Really. He is sort of desensitizing you to his bad behavior so that it seems normal. He is testing you to see how far you will let him go. Granted some abusers never hit, but honey, he is killing your heart and soul. Please get help. You are in danger. If not physical then mental and emotional.
No one has the right to make you feel bad.
NO ONE.
Contact womens shelters (in the yellow pages) they have a lot of resourses for you. Legal, mental health, physical health, children's abuse issues (you don't mention kids, but I wanted you to know). They will have support groups, consider joining. Go to your family or a friends. It's humiliating, but you will be a stronger person for it.
Good Luck, I'll say a prayer for you.
2006-09-22 04:40:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The whole overall picture shows a controlling person... Likely someone who would physically abuse once they had the other person in a position of dependancy.
Paragraphs 2 and 3 would be the biggest red flags.
ADDED:
Please, please, run, don't walk, to your nearest bookstore and buy the book "Co-Dependant No More" by Melodie Beattie. You say you don't understand why this is your second abusive relationship... keep and open mind and read this book... it will give you some of those answers.
AND CHANGE YOUR LOCK, WOMAN!!!
.
2006-09-22 04:36:27 · answer #4 · answered by mama_bears_den 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I do think so. I was with a guy who said he didn't do things, but did. A pathelogical liar basically. It is still abuse. Even if they make themselves believe the lie. It is hard not to just say okay and forget about it, I know, I was there, and still kind of am. Yeah, getting so mad about some small question you may ask, a simple one, yes or no, and going balistic. It is not good.
2006-09-22 04:32:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Abusers do many things. Lying, Hot tempered, throwing things, name calling, not taking the blame for their actions, blaming others. They usually try to make you feel like you are not good enough, like no one else will want you. They try to find reasons for you to have to stay with them or to make you feel like you have to stay with them. They appologize for things that they do then do them again. There are many types of abuse. Physical, emotional, and mental. If the person makes you sad and depressed most of the time or if they make you feel self conscious or not good enough then you should probably leave. All relationships have problems now and then and people argue now and then, but a healthy relationship does not consist of this happening every day. If you fear for your safety at any time you should leave.
2006-09-22 04:28:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
um, id say those things generally fall into the emotional/ menatl abuse category. be strong!! know that you do not make anyone do anything. you are in charge of yourself, not this other person, he/she chooses to act this way and behave in this erratic manner. obviously this person has something wrong with his self which he has chosen not to confront. (ie: blaming others) when a person shakes vioilently and grinds teeth, that tells me that said person has major anger issues. perhaps an anger management class and some therapy will help.
2006-09-22 05:52:23 · answer #7 · answered by jzero7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many of these behavior patterns could be considered signs of mental or emotional abuse. It definately sounds like this person needs professional help. And it is not your responsibility to help him, it's his responsibility to get help. Just because someone isn't hitting you doesn't mean that you are not being abused. You should never have to put up with being treated badly.
2006-09-22 04:28:12 · answer #8 · answered by badkitty1969 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This known as verbal abuse. This person needs help
right away and he/she refuses then get out while
you still can. Verbal abuse unchecked will lead to physical abuse. Some of what you have written can
be considered emotional abuse as well. Good luck.
2006-09-22 04:32:45 · answer #9 · answered by Precious Gem 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's not Physical abuse no, but it sounds like some of these are "mental" abuse.
Saying that they did not say certain things?
Saying that they did not do certain things?
Like for example they did not thow an object that they set it down?
Using as soft and fake voice?
Saying it is not abuse because they did not strike the person?
Telling the person that they should not be affraid there is nothing to be affraid of? (sounds like manipulation to me, as well as justification for mental abuse)
Just be careful that you're not falsely accusing that person of "throwing" something as well, or YOU'll be the abuser!
2006-09-22 04:33:22 · answer #10 · answered by Bryn T 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋