I am concerned about the behavior of my 7 year old son. Can anyone tell me if I have a reason to be worried?

Question

My son is the 2nd oldest child out of 5. He has an extremely hard time managing his impulsivities. He picks on his siblings, is hyper in public, and refuses to calm down. I can see this crazy look in his eyes when he is behaving this way. I try to remain calm but sometimes I just freak out and cry because he stresses me out so bad. He dosn't act this way in school which makes me think that he CAN control it. I don't understand why he's doing this. He has always thrown tantrums and I really thought it would have gotten better by now. I need to know if I should take him to the doctor or if somehow I have screwed him up. All 5 of my children are loved and cared for equally. They all play sports and get to have one on one time with their father and I as much as possible. Does anyone else have this problem or is my kid just screwed up? Please help!!!

Answer 1

I would recommend starting with speaking to a qualified Child Therapist. There are many other factors that many be involved that cannot be thoroughly examined through a Y! post.

Answer 2

I have a 14 year old and a 6 years old, both are very different.Yes, this is very normal for a boy first of all. Children always act differently away from their mommy. Lets put it this way, do you give your 7 year old attention( good or bad) in the store or where ever, when he acts up ? If the answer is yes(which it should be), then it's an attention factor. I mean even if you spank him, he is still getting his mommy's attention and away from the other kids.This is not a form of spoiling but your son's need to have center of attention(in his head). I deal with this all the time, it's gotten a Little better, but it's so frustrationing, I know. My son did go see a doc of the mind,I already knew what they were going to say, I thought," What was the point?!!!!" Good luck with your son. Depending on his moods, he shouldn't be rewarded for the negative behavior he takes away from the other kids. I only have two children and still had your problem, good luck and remember that you son needs to be rewarded for good behavior.YOUR TIME ALONE is a cheap yet will work for a prize.

Answer 3

To me it sounds like he's doing it for attention. Bad attention is better than no attention. Do you have really little ones in the home? I'll bet they get more attention than he does. There's nothing wrong with that because they need more attention, but you may not have explained that to him clearly enough and now he's acting out. Even though you love your children equally, 5 is a lot to handle, and there are bound to be times when the younger ones get more attention than the older ones.

I would start out by sitting him down and asking him why he acts that way. At 7 he should be able to tell you. If his reason is "I don't know" then I'd say it's because of the attention. If he has a reason, acknowledge it and help him through it. Don't ridicule him, or lecture him. Calmly explain that sometimes Mom and Dad have to give more attention to the little ones because they're not big boys like he is and they can't help take care of themselves. It doesn't mean you don't love him any less, or care about him any less, it just means that he's not helpless because he's a big boy. Or something along those lines. If none of that works, I would suggest family counseling.

We went through this with my youngest son last year (he was 7) because he gained a new step-dad. He didn't like having to share my attention with my fiance, and would act out. A lot. But we went to counseling, found a GREAT child counselor and we all worked through it. We haven't had a problem since. Good luck to you, I know how stressed you are. Just remember that you're not alone and there is help out there. =)

Answer 4

Its hard being a middle child, meaning not the oldest and not the youngest. Maybe he feels that he has to act out a certain way to get attention. I have two older sisters and a younger brother. I always felt left out in a lot of things and sometimes I had to scream just to be heard. You say that you treat your kids equally, but maybe in his eyes he sees the opposite. Perhaps you should take your family to a family counselor and let everyone share their feelings and see what you can do to help improve the situation. Also there is nothing wrong with seeking help, it only means that you are willing to do anything to help your family. You say that he is good in school, perhaps he should be awarded for certain things that he has done, like getting an A on his homework and use that same concept outside of school. Like offer a small allowance if he helps clean his room. Be sure not to do it all the time though because he will always expect something. You just have to find some common ground with your son and try to negotiate with him. I wish you a lot of luck :)

Answer 5

Well i thought it was just my 7 year old!!!

....My daughter is the same way. She cries over everything and throws her self down and throws a severe temper tantrum over the littlest stuff! She hits the others in a rage, that i don't quite understand! I have 4. She is the 2nd oldest. 2 girls and 2 boys. It must be the age! Try to spend more one on one time with him. Work out a way for you two to communicate when he is feeling angry. Have him give you a secret signal, then agree that he will go be alone for a time to calm down. See if that works. Good luck!!!

Answer 6

If he can control himself in school then it is not likely that he has ADHD.
I took my daughter to a counselor when she was about 4 and the Dr. said he would recommend medicine if she couldnt control herself in school. She could so no medicine was needed.
Shes very impulsive and used to make me cry too.
I ve found out that shes got a super busy mind and always needs to be doing something. Give him things to do, extra responsibilities, not necessarily chores but have him help you remember part of your grocery list or ask his opinions on things.
See if it helps redirect him. Shes 9 now and a super great kid.
It should calm down the older he gets.
Also be firm in the things that are not acceptable, pull him out of the situation entirely if you can. If hes picking seperate him to another part of the house or his room. Make him sit away from the siblings when acting up. Being secluded for his bad behavior will make a difference. Being left out of the fun or activity should make him try harder. Remember he can control it when he wants to.

Answer 7

Like you said he doesn't behave that way in school so it can be controlled. I would suggest trying to take away some of the priviledges he has compared to the other children... he may not like it at first but he starts to associate that unacceptable be4haviour with losing things maybe that will help.

All kids are different right, but if its really starting to take its toll on you, send him to his room, by himself for a bit. He doesn't get somethign the others do because. of his behaviour. Whatever you do make sure you provide the punishment immediately because if its delayed, he may forget what he's in trouble for and think you are being just mean. He'llt hink you're mean eitherway, but at least when the punishment is immediate he can associate the two.... Good luck, get your spouse involved, that's very important.. i have three and my oldest can be quite the handful and everynow and then she tries to test me, but a lot as changed now and believe me it was not easy.....

Answer 8

Sounds alot like my nephew.

He sees a counselor, but it doesn't seem to be doing any good. Maybe you need to be spending more time with him alone? You said all your kids are loved and cared for equally, but sometimes, some kids need more personal attention than others.

Also, my sister has to keep all processed foods away from her son. If he eats a happy meal or anything out of a box or a can, he goes nuts and starts bouncing off the walls. It's not just the sugar and corn syrup, but all of the other weird ingredients they put in that stuff. She has to make an effort to actually cook from scratch really healthy stuff. If she gets lazy and throws a pizza in the oven, she always regrets it.

Finally, go ahead and have him tested for ADHD or similar condition. They have better alternatives to Riddalin than they did just a few years ago.

But your situation sounds pretty normal to me. I wish you the best!

Answer 9

If he does not act like that at school it's a need for attention. I have two boys that are ADHD and my younest also has a oppisitional defiant disorder. They act like that at school and at home and I did everything under the sun to get it under control before taking them to the DR. Your instinct is right saying that it can be controlled. Dealing with five children is trying and there are emotional needs not being met (not your fault, you have 5 children) Try taking him to the store with you by himself once in awhile or schedule a mommy and son day and talk to him about his behavior. Ask him why he does what he does and listen to what he says. My 7 year old is the oldest of my two boys my youngest is 5. I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

Oh honey, you are singen my song. My son is almost 6, he has an older sister. He has been stubborn since the day he was born. He is very smart, Im actually having him tested this fall because Im wondering if his intellegence isnt part of this problem. Frequently he will not cooroporate in class - 2 years in preschool & now K. He is also very loving & sweet - just stubborn & smart too.
He has gone into rages since he was 2. I have had the day care call me, and my folks too (once). One day care lady told me that there was something wrong with him, she was sure of it! We left that center soon after. I can go ON & ON about his rages & impulsivness. If you want you can email me thru this web site.
For my guy, I noticed there are triggers - tired, stress, not enough one on one time with me. Not dad or anyone else, me.
I have had him in counseling too, but I have had more progress with just working with him on my own and having GREAT teachers.
Your son is unique, but he is not damaged or screwed up. But, he has issues. Look for his "triggers". Work to take extra time to connect with him in a way that he recognizes your love for him. Look into his inteligence level. Meet him at his level, he is a kid and things can get better. This is not a reflection on you!

Be strong!

Answer 11

Ok. Your kid sounds like he is not respecting your control. If, on top of that, you are seeing a "crazy look" in his eyes, that is a warning sign and you're good not to totally dismiss it.

I would personally take some extra time with him and start going together to a counselor or child psychologist. Make it as fun as possible for him by making it special time but he should go and talk to someone because there is some reason for all of this and it shouldn't be all on you to help him. Sounds like you need help from someone who's seen this before.