question. My boyfrined is in the Military and we want to get married. His 19 and Im 20 his turning 20 and me 21. I know were young but we both know in are hurts that we want to be 4ever together. He looked on the internet and bought some cute cheap rings & and r gonna be here in 2 weeks. As to everything that is going on. We were gonna get married at the court house because its fast and cheap. Then have the big wedding later. My family knows we want to get married and his is all for it. but since my family is a little worried about this and thinks I should wait. but im an adult I make my choices not my parents. Should I tell them what we have been thinking about or just sperpise them with the news. Then they couldnt get mad but be happy. but I dont care if they are this is my life.
2006-09-22 04:04:12 · 22 answers · asked by allie laught alot 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Do what makes you happy...you can't count on anyone else to do that for you. Good Luck!
2006-09-22 04:06:31 · answer #1 · answered by WonderTwit 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should be honest. Don't drop a bomb on your parents. Treat them with more respect than that.
Why is it that mom & dad would be mad? It just seems that something doesn't jive there. There is probably a good reason behind why they want you to slow things down.
And I know this is something you don't want to hear, but maybe, you should have a long engagement.... I got engaged at about your age, and THANK GOD I never married that guy. Now I know you are saying, "Well that was you, not me and my man." You will change a whole hell of a lot between 20 and 24...... let alone 20 and 30.... your perspectives about life will change a lot too. You might end up growing apart. It happens a lot in young relationships.....
Wait until you both finish college, and have steady/stable jobs. Then get married.... Then you can have the BIG wedding you want since you can afford it.
Don't be in such a rush to grow up. Cherish these last few years as a kid (the college ones). Because life changes a whole hell of a lot when you are forced to enter the real world.
Good Luck.
2006-09-22 11:17:01 · answer #2 · answered by Laura 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want to put a rift between you and your family? You are legally old enough to make the choice for yourself - they know that.
I'd let them know, give them a chance to stand by and support you - which they may or may not do. At least this way you are giving them a chance - they will have to decide what to do with it.
Perhaps let them know in a letter that they can read when you aren't around - give them an opportunity to deal with their emotions while you aren't there. Make sure you are clear in your resolve to get married and tell them what you want from them.
Think before you take this step without your family behind you - the life of a military wife is hard and you will need all the love and support you can get. What if you get pregnant and hubby is overseas for delivery? You would want your mom there.
Remember, your parents were young once too and do understand what you are going through. Approach them as an adult, leave your baggage behind - and expect them to treat you as an adult. (Hard to do when you aren't really over being a kid yet - but do-able.)
2006-09-22 11:20:06 · answer #3 · answered by BettyBoop 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I had a little cheap court house wedding and it was just fine! I was 22. I loved my husband and we have been married for almost 8 years now. We always talked about a bigger wedding later but, we choose to save the money instead. I think the choice is yours. I had my parents there when I got married. It seems better with them there, I would tell them and let them decide if they are going to be there. You might regret that part later, by not telling them. By telling them you put it in there hands whether or not they want to come. Good Luck....and remember once you make that promise to him it is forever!
2006-09-22 11:12:01 · answer #4 · answered by LeeLynn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You don't get a small wedding now and a big wedding later. That would be in extremely bad taste. You get one wedding per marriage. In the future, you may throw a large anniversary banquet or dinner-dance, but not a re-run wedding.
That's IF you stay together that long. Marrying that young, you're really stacking the odds against your marriage lasting.
2006-09-23 02:14:35 · answer #5 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell or ask your parents to be at the courthouse to witness our wedding along with your siblings and grandparents. It is your day and you can choose how you want to get married and they should respect that. If you are truly in love, and know it will last and will be able to endure his military commitments then bless you and your family should feel the same way. When he gets out of the service you can not send out "wedding invitations" you are already married, the proper thing to do is to renew your vows at the place that you are going to have your reception. Good luck and God Bless.
2006-09-22 11:09:52 · answer #6 · answered by vivib 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My Daughter and her Husband got married at the Justice of the Peace. She let the family know that they were getting married and would like for us to witness her happy occasion. At the time, they were saying that someday they would have a church wedding, but they were ready to get maried. Her Grandma was in attendance, and has since, passed away. She has been glad that her Grandma was there to witness their marriage. As far as the big church wedding, it has not happened, but my Daughter is just as married.
2006-09-22 11:18:29 · answer #7 · answered by kayboff 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow...that last sentence really was the clincher for me...you are clearly not mature enough to be getting married.
However, you are clearly gonna do it anyway, despite my comments.
Definitely, include your parents. It really is a HUGE deal to get married, and to leave out the people who are (other than your future husband) the most important people in your life would be something you're likely to regret later.
Good luck! I hope you get everything you wish for!
2006-09-22 12:01:45 · answer #8 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this man is the first thing you think about in the morning and you get butterflies in your stomack when you think of him even after you have been together for a long time. If you can talk to him and he is you best friend and If he loves you for you and does not judge you for mistakes or accomplishments. If he makes your heart skip a beat Then go for it!!!!!!!!
Just remember Marriage is forever!!!!!!!!!Til death do you part.
2006-09-22 11:29:43 · answer #9 · answered by cowboy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you don't care whether or not they're happy about it, then tell them first. They may surprise you - they might not like the idea, but I think they'd take it much better if they knew about it first. And besides, it gives them an opportunity to witness the wedding if they choose to.
2006-09-22 11:08:26 · answer #10 · answered by Avid 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Military people are sometimes the lowest paid people.and their job is 24/7.Its the commitment to each other that will keep you married not the fancy wedding with all the trimmings.The fancy things come later.
2006-09-22 11:08:53 · answer #11 · answered by too_many_hatz 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋