Recently, my boyfriend whom I have lived with for 4 months and have been dating for 10 months was sent a wedding invitation. On the outside of the wedding it was addressed as "his first name and last & Guest" I felt very insulted by this and I ahve decided not to go. He thinks I should go. The think is that his friend ( the guy who's wedding it is ) has known about me for months, knows we live together, and knows that this is a serious relationship. I've never met the friend because we live in another state. I've looked at many wedding web sites and they all say that the addressed envelope should have my name and his name on it in alphabetical order. I told him even before I looked it up that it was a breach of etquitte. Anyway now he's completely pissed at me because I am not going because I think it's a breach of etiquitte to go to a wedding that I wasn't invited formally to.
2006-09-22 01:37:22 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
My boyfriend has even told his friend "you'll be getting our invitations to our wedding about 6 months after your wedding." I could understand if this we were just casually dating or seeing other people.
2006-09-22 01:41:47 · update #1
Yes, his friend knows my name.
2006-09-22 01:51:57 · update #2
I undersatnd why you are upset. You relationship is young, but yet looks as if it it one to be very serious. Besides who else would he take as his guest? Right? So why not put your name on it. Would it be poilite for you and your boyfriend to give them a card and a gift and put "To John Doe and that lady that's getting married" ? I think not. I agree but just reassure your boyfriend that it's not against him and you would just prefer to not be in the presents of rude people.
2006-09-22 03:37:14 · answer #1 · answered by ~wishful~ 2 · 4⤊ 3⤋
Go. And also understand that not everyone knows etiquette. "& Guest" is acceptable for any non-married couple. Perhaps they didn't know if you lived there with him or received mail at that address.
"& Guest is often reserved for situations when the bride and groom aren't sure if there is a gf/bf/partner in the picture or even want to offer a single person the opportunity to bring someone with them so they're not solo during the wedding.
However, with all the different living situations now, people don't necessarily stay up on the correct way to address envelopes so "& Guest" is used by some as an umbrella to not have to worry about "how do I address it if it's two gay men living together, or a couple who doesn't live together, a married couple who have different last names, etc."
If you don't go, you'd be breaking etiquette yourself as well as showing a very petty side of yourself. Don't take it personally, there are too many other things in this world to get upset over. Be gracious, accept the invitation, and keep in mind that they may have had MANY invitations to address.
2006-09-22 03:53:54 · answer #2 · answered by stimply 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It would be rude of you not to go and I think your boyfriend is right to be angry at you.
These people are busy planning a wedding - how are they supposed to be sure about getting the name right for someone they have never met? Obviously these people are important to your boyfriend and if your boyfriend is important to you - you should swallow any hard feelings you have and go. If you have long term plans with your boy friend, most likely you will be crossing paths with these people more than once and you should seek to be their friends, not enemies.
I am not sure if it is wrong or right to have put or not put your name on the invitation. You should not hold it against them for not knowing either.
The fact of the matter is that you and your boy friend are not married. You may live together and be committed to each other in word, but until that marriage certificate is there - you are not committed together in deed. Therefore, it is completely understandable why someone would choose to leave an invitation name blank for someone they might have never met before.
2006-09-22 02:40:36 · answer #3 · answered by Think.for.your.self 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you had previously met the bride- and/or groom-to-be, and had an existing friendship with either outside of your current romatic relationship, the appropriate way to address the envelopes, if the senders addressed a single invitation to both you and your boyfriend, would be with your name and his name.
However, since the invitation was extended primarily to your boyfriend, with the intention of allowing him to bring you along as his committed girlfriend, the invitations were addressed correctly. From your description, it seems that the couple had no reason to invite you specifically.
Basically, if you would have been invited, regardless of your relationship with your boyfriend, then the invitations should have been addressed as you indicated in your question. However, since the invitation was to your boyfriend, and also to you as your boyfriend's chosen guest, then the invitation was addressed correctly.
Go, have a great time, make friends with your boyfriend's friends and I'm certain that when they have their next event, they'll be inviting you, also.
But there's been no breach of etiquette here.
2006-09-22 05:57:37 · answer #4 · answered by JenV 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should go. That way it will keep the peace between you and your boyfriend and you'll have another happy memory with eachother. Maybe you can get some ideas for your own wedding. The day after the wedding I would ask the friend why my name wasn't on the invite. Maybe there is a good reason. Good Luck and I hope you decide to go.
2006-09-22 01:46:19 · answer #5 · answered by Amber S 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Quit being offended and GO!
You know, even though inside your relationship you may feel like you two are definitely a permanent pair, no one is really sure of this until you get married. (And even then...)
Besides, (and you'll appreciate this once you start planning your wedding...) there is often a tremendous amount of negotiations as to who is invited. The guy's friends are usually low on the totem pole. Guy's friends' girlfriends, however serious, are even lower (since no one knows just how serious these things are). You should be happy your boyfriend is invited with guest.
Also, you should go to meet your future husbands' friend's wife. Who knows? You may see more of each other in the future.
Go and have fun. You may get a proposal there.
2006-09-22 01:53:21 · answer #6 · answered by IWasWondering 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Okay just because it didn't have your name on it doesn't mean you shouldn't go. What if you two split right before and he wanted to bring someone else? Or you got sick and he brought his sister. Guest is a polite way of saying bring who you want. You should be so lucky to have been given that it could have been only addressed to him and they ould have left you out completely. Now if you two were already engaged..which your not, then if should read your name. if it didn't then and only then should you be pissed and not wanna go. I don't feel that girlfriends name should be included. you two might be serious but there is no formality to your relationship. If that makes sense. If you don't go everyone that knows you are a couple will be wondering whats wrong and you will leave your boyfriend in an awkward situation trying to explain....just go a ahead and go and enjoy yourself.
2006-09-22 05:13:43 · answer #7 · answered by tweedy778 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It wasn't meant to be insulting. The person who addressed the envelopes may not have known your name and was giving your boyfreind the option of bringing you anyways. The ettiquette of alphabetical names is only for long established couples (yes, I know you are, but does his freind really know your name?) Now go and say you're sorry for over reacting to your boy freind, go pick out a fabulous dress and have a nice time. You'll really enjoy yourself...and you can get plans for your own wedding. Blessings.
2006-09-22 01:50:46 · answer #8 · answered by Mama Otter 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think you are being overly sensitive and a tad prima donna-ish. How do you know it was your boyfriend's friend who wrote the invitations or addressed the envelopes? In the UK this task is usually carried out by the bride's parents (if living) who may not know the living arrangements of all the guests.
Lighten up, take a chill pill, go the the wedding and have a good time.
2006-09-22 01:51:17 · answer #9 · answered by Jackie J 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Honey, these invitations are made by printers, amongst the 100000 things that have to be done for the wedding. Trust me, I planned my own wedding and there are tons of details, and going with a traditional generic invitation like that is normal...
Think about the people having the wedding and do you know how much it costs? it's not you, they are busy, they decided to go with tradition...It's ok, honey.. you'll find once you plan your wedding that it wasnt such a bad idea, probably go with it yourself anf be done. besides, what if they addressed the invitation to bob & lisa, then bob n lisa broke up, then bob took jennifer..wouldnt that be awkward?
it's jsut safer and more considerate this way..
GO, have fun!
2006-09-22 06:26:56 · answer #10 · answered by Madeleine 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, don't be upset. Given that you've lived with him for four months, could it be that the invitations were made BEFORE you were even dating seriously? In that case, they were just going to send out what they had, not have another batch made just to print your name in it.
Think of it all as circumtantial due to timing and NOT personally. Get a nice dress, put some makeup in the pretty face of yours and go to the wedding!!!
2006-09-22 02:11:18 · answer #11 · answered by Kookoo Bananas 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋