What makes a good ex boyfriend?

Question

As a follow up to my last question, which recieived a very mixed bag of responses, I would like to ask, what makes a good ex boyfriend?

Its not something people normally think about as its such a hazy area, but is a good ex someone who leaves well alone? Never gets in touch? Or someone who is there if ever needed and remembers birthdays etc?

Being an ex boyfriend is a very difficult situation to be in, especially because it seems that things can be taken in the wrong way very easily.

So ladies, what type of ex boyfriend do you like?

Answer 1

I understand how you feel, but I have to tell you it depends. Did you get over the fact that you broke up? Did you think that you weren't really meant for each other? Were you able to move on with your life pretty well? In this case, it's easy to be friends with your ex. It will come natural, and you won't have to ask "what to do". On the other hand, if she dumped you for apparently no good reason, if you thought it shouldn't have happened, if you're still attracted to her, if you don't know how to behave in her presence, it means you're not over her, and it might get even more painful if you decide to stick around and try to be friends with her.

Think about this: why do you still want her to like you (as a friend, whatever)? Why do you need her approval? Why don't you spend your time looking for people who appreciate you for what you are, who don't expect anything particular from you, and hang around with them? Don't hope your gf will get back with you if you're a nice friend to her. Unless the separation was consensual, you will never be at the same level, and you won't feel good.

I don't agree with all those girlies telling you to be nice to her or disappear altogether or not bug her... she has no special rights, especially if she dumped you, and you have the right to be pissed off and act like it. "If she's not with someone she might contact you, but you should just wait" WTF? I say if you're not with someone and want to contact her, do it. But beware: it might be painful. But girls like brave guys, not those who make fools of themselves and try to please others at their own expense.

Answer 2

Well that depends of course on how you feel about the ex boyfriend and how the relationship ended. For example, if it ended in you discovering he had been cheating on you with the office manager at his work for the past 6 months, then in this case, a good ex boyfriend would be one who is preferably dead having died slowly and painfully, or at least one that you never ever see or hear from again. On the other had, if the relationship kind of just fizzled out I think a good ex boyfriend would be one who rings or texts occasionally, one who you can stop and have a conversation with on a night out etc... in short he becomes an acquaintance. If the boyfriend finished with you, I think a good ex boyfriend is one that gives you lots and lots of space becasue you are liekly to be very angry and hurt and will probably take some time getting ver it and forgiving him. in this situation, it is unlikely that anything the ex bf does will help. Everything will just cause more anger and confusion so best to leave well alone in this situation.

Answer 3

Its nice to be friends with an ex boyfriend as you once shared good times together and then suddenly everything is gone pear shaped and can be horrible to each other. In time think you can be friends and if you remember birthdays etc all the better as it will make her feel good about it all and think you are a good friendly person after all-end the card or what ever you sending by putting a friend ??? so that she wont get any ideas but that.. Stop analysing till it happens, if things are taken the wrong way then tell her so but hopefully by you saying friends all the time it wont.

Answer 4

I guess it all depends on how you guys ended. If one or the other lost respect for each other then best never to see each other again. If it ended on good terms (well, you know what i mean) then perhaps to still be friends. After all you did share something with each other, not so . . . . ? Yes some of us can be real a'holes and b*#**es but at least take some time out and then put the past behind and try to be friends. The level of friendship (i mean close "oh you remembered my birthday" friend or just simply getting on when you all meet up at a place friend) is then up to the two of you.

Answer 5

I think that this is a really good question. It appears to me that western culture is such that it expects that all ex's should excommunicate themselves from the person that they had a relationship with.

It is perceived as being perverse for ex boyfriend/girl friend to still remain friends. But I think your question shows what a caring person you are. But a word to the wise, do not hound your ex girl friend or pursue her, but be there if she needs you as a friend.

I am sure you will soon find a new girl friend who will not become your ex. Good luck

Answer 6

It would depend on the reasons behind why you were an "EX" i think if you parted on bad terms stay away and never see again, then 10 years down the line be able to atleast say hi!!!!!! if you split on good terms you have to be careful as when you move on you don't want an EX sending you a birthday card and stopping in for a cuppa!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

I like an ex that becomes a friend. Takes the time to be there and remember birthdays etc. I think if an ex loses touch then they cant of cared for you much as a friend in the forst place!
Goodluck with the DVD n her birthday though!!!
X

Answer 8

The best ex-boyfriend is one who never gets in touch - one where we've both made the decision to break contact and move on. How on earth can he be a good boyfriend to his current girlfriend if he is still sending me birthday cards and things?

Answer 9

if the reason for break up is on good terms, i appreciate an ex who is still yr friend and takes time to catch up once n awhile... and not use these opportunities to get back at you...for things that happened when u were together! so its nice to have an ex who is truly over the past and has respect for you as a friend and ex-lover!

Answer 10

i guess it depends on the gal itself. but generally any relationship needs alot of trust, understanding and communication to make it work. treat her as a friend this way u will not feel too much of hurt, meanwhile set urself in place with life priorities. spend more time with your family and friends. never ever let a relationship dominate the centre of ur life := ) best wishes.