what is the best joke u have ever heared ????

Answer 1

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and
we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following
the simple advice I heard on the Dr. Phil show, I have finally found
inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is
to finish all the things you've started and never finished. "

So, looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't
finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of

Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's
Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of
my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos
and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please pass this on to those you feel might be in need of inner peace!

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Some tips for retirement planning from an expert in the industry:



If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock three years ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left.

With Global Crossing, you would have $0.00 left.

But if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer three years ago,
drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum
recycling REFUND, you would have $614.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg Plan.

Answer 2

A man goes into a pub and asks the bartender "Can I have a pint before I take my salts?" The bartender gives him a pint. The man drinks it and says " Can I have another pint before I take my salts?" The bartender gives him another pint. This goes on for about an hour. Eventually the man says "okay I think I'll go and take my salts". He heads off into the gents. Half an hour later he hasn't yet returned, so worried, the bartender goes to the toilets to look for him. The cubicle door is closed, so he knocks on the door and asks the man if he's okay. The man says " yes, i've just taken my salts". The door opens and the bartender is horrified to see sh** all over the place, on the toliet seat, up the walls and on the ceiling. The bartender says to the man "Jeez, what kind of salts were you taking?" The man replied "Somersaults!".

Answer 3

A patrol officer is sitting in his motor vehicle on the fringe of the line waiting for some one to hurry by using whilst he sees a %. up truck utilising by using very slowly with penguins in the mattress. He pulls over the truck, comes as much as the drivers window and asks the two adult adult males, "What are you doing with those penguins on your truck?! you may desire to take them to the zoo on the instant!" the driving force says a rapid "sure, sir!" and rancid they went. day after immediately the officer is sitting on the fringe of the line lower back whilst he sees the coolest comparable truck utilising by using! He pulls them over and sees that the penguins are actually donning colors. He comes as much as the driving force's window and asks, "What are doing?! i presumed I informed you the day ahead of this to take those penguins to the zoo!" the driving force replies, "We did! And we had plenty exciting, immediately we are able to the sea coast!"

Answer 4

the best is always the first...
whats the definition of a drawing pin

happy smartie

Answer 5

oh it was one about bra sizes told by fidgety.., go find it to read it its hilarious...http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20060925154446AAGRJsa&r=w&pa=FZptHWf.BGRX3OFMhD1XUlAdEJVbA6A18zp.MrK4kDOSg809zR4w_DM77lYOIwjzI6NCbwSqJPBgrHssGA--#TccpWWbvV2YZG6DARIWJhhfe.oAKr2p3Nh_729wXCFCt2z_u3evS type that in and it should get you there hopefully im useless at computers