a question for all the moms out there?

Question

i am thinking of having children in the next 1 or 2 years. me and my husband really love kids and we both have always wanted to have kids.

but at times i think - will i cope ? will things be the same after babies arrive? will i be able to balance work / life ? will i be left torn between my children and my career ? and all these thoughts scare me...

appreciate moms to give me some advise and encouragement... and your experiences as a mother?

Answer 1

Becoming a mum does change your life and as for not being able to cope, you work around situations to suit you and your baby's needs.

I haven't wished for anything better than my two children in my life as they are my life as much as I am theirs and they make me proud to be a parent.

Answer 2

I gave up nothing when I had my children, I just learnt very quickly how to balance. You can still be a successful person in your life or career. I have always worked, quite simply because I have too, if i didn't the bills wouldn't get paid. I have a successful career, two wonderful kids, a good social life, a healthy involvement in all the activities they are involved in and have been with my husband for over 25 years. We had ten years together pre kids and enjoyed every minute although I have to say since my kids have arrived it just got better. When they were younger, I took maternity leave and now I only work when my children are at school. There have been times when its been very hard to strike that happy balance,, but you do it somehow. You will never be the same person again, you will be a better person.

Answer 3

I'm a mother of a 5 yr old boy and 2 yr old girl.

Your life will never be the same again, but that happens with age. People change. It's a good thing.

You will think you cant' cope but almost every woman has that fear. Just know your boundries and when the kids have been up screaming all night and your nerves are frazzled...take a time out for your self. They will reward you with their smiles soon enough.

I am an assistant manager for a major retail company. This is my career but I still have time for my children and try to be the best mom I can be and set a good example.

When I was 10 my brother had his first kid. Then got up to number 4 and I was 20. I told him I didn't want to babysit because I was going to be thinking about time of my own before I had my own kids. (One month later I was pregnant) I've been through more than I thought was possible with these kids. And today they are polite, and use manners, and play nicely (not all the time no child is perfect except to us parents)

Congradulations on your desicion to be a parent. It's a wonderfully rewarding job. One I take on whole heartedly. My life is for my kids.

Answer 4

I'm a mother of 2 children oldest 9, youngest 9 months. I went back 2 work 33 hours a week when both were 6 months old. As long as you have someone you can trust to mind the children then if you want to go back to work then go for it.They be fine mine are no worse off. The best bit about working is at the end of the day when i walk in the door i get smothered with kisses and cuddles and it makes me realise how much I'm appreciated and how much i mean 2 them. Take no notice when people tell you "oh but what about first words and first steps you might miss out" believe me i missed first steps because i was sitting on toilet at the time so that's all bull. And of course your life will change Yul at times feel you cant cope Yul think your going mad but YOU WILL COPE ..You wont go mad and you wont ever regret it not even for a second and it does get easier or how else would i find time to sit here and answer this.I'm telling you its what life's all about so go grab that man of yours right now Yul never look back. GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

At 1st you think you wont cope but you will. When I had my son I cried to my midwife that I didnt have a clue. She told me something I've always remembered "you'll know enough to get you through that day, and that is how it will always be so dont worry about the future."
Things wont be the same after, but they will be great. Soon you wont remember when you weren't a mum.
The work-life balance I still struggle with (my son is 3 on xmas eve). I have put my career on hold just now as the hours were too long I am just doing a small rubbish job but the hrs are great and Im not missing all the wonderful things you see as they grow up. I will return to my career at some point, but not yet. It is slightly frustrating cos it took me a long time to work up to where I was, but being a good mum is more important to me and I get more satisfaction from that.
Of course all mums/dads are different. Some give up work all together, some not at all. Its natural to worry about it but listen to me when I tell you...it will be fine. You will do whats right for you. For me,,,I'd rather watch my son grow up while im doing an unimportant job, than be a high powered, important career woman who only hears the story of how her child said his 1st word.
Good luck, THIS is the best job in the world.

Answer 6

Having children is a wonderful thing, but naturally the timing and closeness/stability with your husband is very crucial, I have 4 children between the ages of 4yrs-20yrs, I have had many beautiful memories with them and many stressful times where I feel unloved and unwanted, the truth is there will exist times where children don't seem to care about hurting you, but what it always comes down to is that they are the result of expressing your love with your partner. Yes, if the time is truly right for you and your husband, you both will find a way to mix working schedules with family life, but please try to take maternity leave of at least 1 year, otherwise the important firsts will be seen by the babysitter instead, ie) teething, first words, potty training, first steps, etc. - trust me, you'll never catch those moments as special. I suggest, if possible, use family members to help with the care of your child/children rather than strangers, as it will make the transition easier. Good Luck .

Answer 7

Children are a joy, a pain, an inconvenience, precious, costly, sleep depriving, dear, a lot of work, fun, a constant worry, and ten thousand more adjectives. I was fortunate to be able to stay home with mine til they graduated highschool. Most moms don't get that privilege.I did not want a nursery raising my child anyway. I work with a lot of moms that are constantly juggling their time for their children. They rush home from work to cook or take kids to practice. I honestly don't know how they do it and still keep their health and sanity. It is truly the biggest job you will ever take on if you want to do it right and not be exhausted. If you have a husband that is willing to share taking off work when the kids are sick so you can go to work that would help. Your partner must help around the house and with cooking and all aspects of life or you will be a walking, angry zombie. Also having a boss that understands when you can't come in or have to leave early is a good thing. Do you have a circle of family near you that can help with babysitting, dashing to the school to pick up a sick child that you just can't get to right then? Your life will change completely. I wish you could stay home and raise them. It would be so much easier but todays cost of things almost don't allow that anymore. We did without a lot of extras so our home wouldn't be so hectic. All parents will tell you how much they love their kids. But you must examine all the work that goes along with it. Do a lot of thinking and talking. Above all, you 2 must agree that divorce is out of the question until they are grown. I know that is silly to think of but the stresses of raising kids has ruined the best marriage. I'm not doom and gloom. I just know what I see going on around me. Listen to your coworkers talk about their marriage, kids and husbands. m

Answer 8

I too was feeling the same way as you. I was a manager in a large company and loved my job. 2yrs after getting married we decided to start a family. I intended to return to work when the baby was 6months old but my life changed instantly for the better with the new arrival. It is very hard work having a baby but the 1st few months are the hardest. I went to work part time but have since had baby no.2 and stay at home. Its the most rewarding feeling having children and i don't regret my choice one bit. It is possible to work part time and be a mother but also hard work. Good luck in whatever choice you make.

Answer 9

I gave up my career to have my children and have not regretted it all. They are now 5 and 3 and I am back working part time but in a completely unrelated job to what I was doing before. This is because it fits around my kiddies and I quite enjoy doing something until I am ready to go back to doing what I did before.

Having children will completely change your life so you have to be prepared for that. They come first always and your responsibilities are to them and not so much to yourself anymore, but this comes naturally as when you have children you love them so much they become your world.

You can still have your career as well. There is no reason not to go back to work when you are ready. Some mum's choose to go back part time and some go back full time. It's completely up to you and you should never feel guilty about going back to work and leaving your child with someone. It is difficult to balance work and children as you have to organise yourself and them and problems arise such as when they are ill, or you've had a bad night with them and are tired.

It is very scarey considering having children as it is totally life changing, but it is the most wonderful feeling in the world having a child, you love them unconditionally. I could not imagine life without my two, we have good and bad days, but watching them grow and learn and spending time with them is just amazing. I wouldn't have my life any other way.
So I'd go for it, if you're both ready then it's the right time and you will never ever regret it!!

xxx

Answer 10

as a mother of two children-ages 10 and 13 yrs I think that having a child is the best thing in the world. I wouldn't ever change that. If you are ready but scred that is normal. It is hard to juggle babies and a career but it happens. when you become a mother all those fears are normal. If your husband helps you out now he will continue to help out. It takes two to raise a family. I think you will be fine, going through the whole experience is wonderful, hard at times but youwon't ever imagine yourlife without them again. I can't have anymore children because of cervical cancer when I was younger and have now remarried. He doesn't have children of his own but we have thought of adoption lately. See I am willing to start over again and I already have 2 of my own. Once you become a mother, it never stops. enjoy it!!

Answer 11

You have alot of good questions! Motherhood can be draining because of our children's needs, but it is also rewarding to see them grow. When they are infants everything can be scary because you are new at it, when they are starting school you feel so protective, and when they are getting close to teenage years you want to pull your hair out (don't know yet about the other years my oldest is 12!!)..... and you just want everything to be okay. (And believe me, you can cope with it, we moms have strength beyond compare when it comes to our children!) Things do change when a baby comes into your life. There is less time for you and your husband, and for YOURSELF. So, you have to make an extra effort for yall's relationship. As a couple you should share in responsibilities of the house and child. The career and child debate is something you have to decide for yourself. With my oldest kids I was so concerned with my job that I missed things with them. With my youngest child, my husband and I sacrificed financially so that I could stay home with him.
Sometimes we complain about it, but at the end of the day we realize it is the most rewarding job you could ever have.